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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I did not handle this well

66 replies

WhyIRayLiotta · 13/02/2016 10:54

Arghhhhhh

Yesterday I discovered that before Christmas my DH spent £300 on a piece of jewellery. It wasn't for me.

I decided not to confront him, but to try and get my hands on hod mobile and see if there was any clue about it there.

I couldn't get his phone last night. Then he asked if I wanted to have a drink, I thought 'fuck it' so did.

I exploded at him, he denied all, and slept on the sofa. He's had loads of time to delete anything / come up with a story. He's not talking to me this morning and I'm not sure what to do from here.

OP posts:

Iamdobby63 · 13/02/2016 14:51

Ps And if nothing to hide he will show you the email which should show where it was delivered to, or maybe show a gift card message.

Slippydippylippy · 13/02/2016 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pumpkinmoon1 · 13/02/2016 15:05

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Can you install a key logger onto his laptop? There are free ones and are easy to use. Also, there are apps I think that allow you to recover deleted texts from mobile phones.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/02/2016 16:53

Pumpkin If you're going to advocate that, you need to explain the legalities.

Which would be that it is legal if the laptops/phones are explicitly OPs, but illegal if they are jointly owned or belong to him.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 13/02/2016 18:02

I might be going against the grain here but his reasoning sounds plausible. I think it likely he did buy it as a gift for his daughter. It fits.

(And would a man with little disposable income waste money on expensive presents for a woman he's having an affair with? Aren't they too busy sneaking around and shagging for that?)

He no doubt feels guilty and defensive about everything to do with his daughter. Guilty that he didn't have a relationship with her when she was growing up and defensive because he's spent what is a considerable amount of money for your family on a gift for her and then kept it from you.

Lynnm63 · 13/02/2016 18:12

Let's assume OP's DH isn't lying and £300 they don't have was spent on his estranged daughter Id still be angry that he'd made a unilateral decision to spend £300 of our money.
At the bare minimum he should be apologising for making expensive purchases without discussing it further. Obviously if they were loaded and £300 was the equivalent of buying a cup of coffee then it would be more forgivable.
If he has bought a piece of jewellery for OW then the money part is less worrying it'd be as bad if it was £10 or £10k, imo.

Original poster

WhyIRayLiotta · 13/02/2016 18:14

Thanks Magicalmist that's what I'm hoping. I'm going to try and get my hands on his phone if I can as well, see what it throws up.

We've not argued talked about it since this morning as we've had a busy day.

OP posts:

goodnightdarthvader1 · 13/02/2016 19:12

And would a man with little disposable income waste money on expensive presents for a woman he's having an affair with? Aren't they too busy sneaking around and shagging for that?

No, not really. Unfaithful men can be amazingly generous to their new interest.

fastdaytears · 13/02/2016 19:13

When she's the interest, yes. He might be wanting to impress her into shagging him.

abbsismyhero · 13/02/2016 20:05

if it was an email and you can get back into the account you can undelete them anyway

if you cant get back into his email because he has logged out and you have no password you can system restore a week or two and it should be back open again

goodnightdarthvader1 · 13/02/2016 21:20

When she's the interest, yes. He might be wanting to impress her into shagging him.

I know for a fact that gift giving still takes place AFTER the shagging has been going on a while. You're being naive, for some bizarre reason.

if you cant get back into his email because he has logged out and you have no password you can system restore a week or two and it should be back open again

I don't think that's correct.

fastdaytears · 13/02/2016 21:23

I know for a fact that gift giving still takes place AFTER the shagging has been going on a while. You're being naive, for some bizarre reason

That's a bit of an overreaction from one comment. We're both talking from different experiences. I am definitely not naive.

This is a whole thread of speculation and we're all just giving opinions.

whattodowiththepoo · 13/02/2016 21:30

This is a whole thread of speculation and we're all just giving opinions.

Hallelujah

gleekster · 13/02/2016 21:54

Bloody hell - are you sure the thousands of pounds actually went to the DD?

It all sounds really suspicious to me.

choceclair123 · 13/02/2016 22:39

I'm no computer expert but can you try to do a system restore on your computer? Suppose it depends what type of computer you have... See below

windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/what-is-system-restore#1TC=windows-7

tigermoll · 14/02/2016 13:29

A system restore will not retrieve deleted emails. It undoes changes made to the operating system of the computer.

It does not retrieve deleted files. Even if it did, your emails are not stored on your computer (unless you have deliberately saved them) they are stored on internet servers - hence why you can access your email account from any computer.

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