Will try to keep this brief so I don't out myself.
I've gone NC with my parents. Father is three types of abusive, mother very enabling but also can be very unkind.
Am having counselling and while exploring various parts of my past, they brought up the idea that my father may have a specific mental health issue based on his behaviour, and that my mother's behaviour could be to try and cover it up/normalise things to make life easier for her.
I will say that as things stand there is currently (from my POV) no part of the relationship that is salvageable. And the counsellor has said that regardless of what may be the cause of my father's behaviour towards me, it doesn't excuse it.
I just feel like this adds a new depth to things and in a manner of speaking, opens up a new can of worms in my own head. I feel partly that it makes no difference and it doesn't heal the hurt I've suffered, but partly worried now that I may be abandoning my mother to someone with a lot more problems than I initially saw.
I don't feel like I'll ever be able to put this behind me, it's my childhood and early adult life that's full of pain, misery, hurt. And I can't ever change it, and it's so upsetting. Just asking for a hand hold really. I know I'm the only person who can help myself sort this out.