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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i think my neighbour fancies my husband

29 replies

YesSirIAmARegular · 24/12/2006 20:35

my dh thinks i am hostile! imagining things and being daft!

i cant explain WHY i think she fancies him, she doesnt bat her eyelashes or thrust her bust in his face or anything! but i just get this feeling

its little things, like telling me how nice my dh is. how he is sociable not like her dh, how good he is with our kids, just lots of nice stuff about him.

i just get this feeling when shes in the room with him, like her lust is transmiting thru the air and i can smell it!!!!!!!!! but if you were to ask me what shes DONE that i can say she fancies him because she said/did X, ive got nothing that doesnt make me sound foolish!!!

but i have told dh that hed better watch it because i'll bury her in the back garden and build a patio over her if she so much as sniffs at him.

i dont know how i know, but i know i know and i tell you what, im worried.

OP posts:
GhostOfMumsnet · 24/12/2006 20:37

Do you trust your dh? If you do then I'd just be dead chuffed that your've got him and be all smug about it

Perigrine · 24/12/2006 20:38

Agree with GOM

FioFio · 24/12/2006 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mummytosteven · 24/12/2006 20:41

why are you so worried?

wickedwinterwitch · 24/12/2006 20:41

Why are you worried though? Is he at home alone often? Is she? Is he habitually unfaithful? Do you trust him?

Original poster
YesSirIAmARegular · 24/12/2006 20:55

i have no proof of anything, now or in the past (although dodgy things have happened but i have no firm evidence), but i am a suspicious person and i dont trust 100%.

i know she can flaunt as much as she wants and its all up to him, so i guess what i am saying is i am fearful that he would not say no.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesSirIAmARegular · 24/12/2006 20:59

anyway, this is something that can be left until after xmas, i only posted cos shes just been round and it wound me right up especially cos he defended her and said i am paranoid and hostile!

because he bought her a drink and she said they (him and her)and 'the kids' - hers and mine !!!! had a good time at the carol service - like they were a fucking family!!!!!!

anyway, im going to go and do the last minute stuff and have a drink and over the hols she'll come over and i can 'let slip' about the woman who made a pass at my dh and how i punched her face so many times she looks like shrek!

OP posts:
ChristmasPresence · 26/12/2006 17:19

Be much better to let slip that he's got something very catching IYKWIM

nothercules · 26/12/2006 17:30

Sounds like the issue here is between you and your dh rather than her. You don't know if she actually does fancy him yet your anger is all directed at her, She isn't the one who is married to you and parent to your kids, it's your dh.
I expect thought she'll steer well clear of you all if you say how you beat someone up regardless of whether she fancies your dh or not!

hotpot · 26/12/2006 17:40

Agree with Nothercules, the issue is with your DH not her.

The more you react and make an issue of it the more you draw attention to the fact that there is another option than you.

As men think in the simplest terms -this woman isn't the one hasselling him and giving him a hard time for doing nothing. You have only said that SHE is the one doing the "isn't he nice" bit, you haven't said that he is flirting back etc

Be proud that you have a man that other women think is a great bloke.

frenchconnection · 26/12/2006 19:11

If there was trust there wouldnt be a problem

mummytosteven · 26/12/2006 19:15

this sort of "fighting" talk and threats - I imagine that your dh will either:-
a)being cringing at the hostility or
b)secretly get a kick out of you being so keen to fight for him/kick up an aggressive fuss.

either way you are on to a loser really. much better to actually trust your DH, and if another woman fancies him so bl**dy what.

Socci · 26/12/2006 19:25

Message withdrawn

longwaytogotobethlehem · 26/12/2006 19:46

I trusted my dh with our neighbour and in the end she was in our house more than I was and lo and behold they had an affair and I knew nothing about it.

so if you have a feeling I would put my foot down, I wouldn't hesitate again once bitten twice shy.

Sorry I know you are all saying she should trust her dh I did and I trusted her didn't think either of them could ever do this to me but they did, and I know of another mumsnetter that it happened to as well

ELF1981 · 26/12/2006 19:48

My neighbour fancies my DH and it makes me pee with laughter. I dont worry about it, it actually makes me walk a little taller down the path thinking "hes mine", immature but true
DH thinks she fancies me! She deffo takes more interest than being "neighbourly"!
Either way, if you trust your DH, dont worry and just grin.

nothercules · 26/12/2006 19:52

Dh has lots of female friends. I would never dream of putting my foot down. I trust him and know full well he would never take it even if handed on a plate - that's what trust is!

Socci · 26/12/2006 19:56

Message withdrawn

longwaytogotobethlehem · 26/12/2006 19:59

Well I never thought my dh would take it even if handed to him on a plate but he did, and with our neighbour who was also my best firend (or so I thought) men don't think with their heads i'm afraid.

i trusted him totally. So never say never.

mummytosteven · 26/12/2006 20:01

I can completely see that if you feel insecure then you would want to keep the friendship with the neighbour distant, but surely the implication that you punch people that fancy your DH is a bit OTT?

ELF1981 · 26/12/2006 20:03

I wouldn't question my dh's female friends, but probably because of the fact that I have more male friends than female friends and he wouldn't question that.

Original poster
YesSirIAmARegular · 27/12/2006 10:48

thanks everyone. i appreciate your opinions. i dont know why i am so angry at her, even if she does like him that in itself cant hurt me but i do feel threatened by the thought of it.

-oh, btw, just want to make clear when i joked about telling her i hit someone who liked my husband - that hasnt happened in rl, i was joking about telling her that it had!! im not a thumper!!

and you are right when you noticed that i hadnt said my dh flirts back, its because he doesnt. he just tells me im being silly! i said to him, she fancies you and he preened a bit and said really, then laughed! course, that set me off cos he sounded pleased, but i suppose it is a flattering thing to hear and doesnt mean he would act on it.

oh, grr i know i am being daft and paranoid but i cant help it and i suppose it is much more to do with me feeling unattractive and scared hes going to wake up and realise he can do much better!

but i dont have 100% trust and i am very sensitive to any possible threat - as some people here have also said, you really can be surprised!

i dont have anything to suggest dh is interested but she is just too in my face trying to push into my family, offering to have my kids over, asking me if i want her to go and deal with them when they are playing up - like i dont know how to deal with my own children!!!!

i know as i type this that reading it you will go WHAT are you on about woman, she sounds like a really nice lady trying to make friends with you, and it does read like that but you have to be here in the flesh with that little prickly 6th sense that makes your hairs stand up to get the undercurrent.

does this make ANY sense because i truly fear im loosing the bloody plot!!!

OP posts:
Socci · 27/12/2006 11:57

Message withdrawn

hoolagirl · 27/12/2006 12:20

I think you should completely distance yourself from her and cool your friendship.
If your 6th sense is right, then she is a danger to your family.
Women like this are predators and don't care what mess they leave as long as they get what they want.

longwaytogotobethlehem · 27/12/2006 15:53

yep totally agree sorry.

overdraft · 28/12/2006 00:41

Hi does this ring bells
you are so lucky to have him, oh don't be hard on him, watching your family like a hawk, inviting you both around to hers and then waiting on him hand and foot,when you are together wanting to have conversations with him only, hanging around your children, acting jealous about your possesions , creeping around you and saying nice things to you, putting her husband down to you both and coming around without him alot, everytime you are in the garden she comes out, when you pull up in the car out she comes.
If it does watch out. It happened to me. I didn't think in a million years my dh would go there or even be flattered. Heres how I played it. I came on her and talked about it and was mostly told not to be paraniod and that she was being friendly and to be nice to her.Well what do you know. Not saying this could happen to you. Before the affair I just knew really but pushed my thoughts away.I lost my house my children had to move schools and all because of this bitch who wanted my life. she made sure they were discovered too. when my m.i.l and I went around to her house she admited she wanted a family , money, car and husband like mine. This is very common. Neighbours see your life more than anyone else and can crave it if they are unstable.Don't have her in your house if you feel like this please.Seeing this has made me mad. please be careful. oh and she copied all my clothes and she lost loads of weight too and started doing herself up.