Sorry may be a long one. Have just had a nasty argument with DM. We were talking on the phone about Terry Wogan and that turned into talking about the afterlife.
I am a non-believer and said something to that effect, then DM said basically it must be true because what about the psychic she saw once who was really accurate. Now the backstory is that my dad died when I was a teenager. We used to argue a lot just before he died - all normal teen girl/dad stuff, him not wanting me to stay out late, boys, make up, etc etc! The last time I had seen him I had been sulking and he had said something like 'Don't bother saying bye then!" and I had said something like "no stuff you, I won't" or something equally charming. Then he had died suddenly a few hours later :( :( I still feel guilty about that.
After he died I went off the rails somewhat. Had a v dodgy (and v abusive) boyfriend, got into debts, drugs, various things I'm still ashamed of. But eventually left him (with the help of the Police after he hurt me v badly), and within a few years was in a good, healthy relationship (have been married for years now), paid off debts, have a lovely home, lovely life & lovely DC. All good :)
A few years ago my mum went to see a 'psychic'. She told me she was fantastic and wanted me to hear the tape of the session. I was interested so did, and it really upset me. On it the 'psychic' basically said my dad was ashamed of me and I needed to grown up, get over him and start taking responsibility for my own life. By this time I had sorted my life out, was happily married and had just had a lovely new baby. So it really upset me that my dad was supposedly looking down at me, ignoring all the good stuff and telling me that I was shit. I don't believe all that really, but it still really upset me, and I was also really upset that my mum had apparently wanted me to hear it.
So anyway back to today. I said to my mum I hoped the psychic wasn't 'really accurate' because it would be pretty shit if the last thing my dad had wanted to say to me was that he was ashamed of me. Her response was "Well what do you expect - the last thing you ever said to him was pretty shitty wasn't it!".
So now I feel shit about it all over again. And it appears my mother (who for years told me it was normal dad/daughter stuff and I shouldn't feel guilty), does think I was to blame and wants me to feel shit all over again :( Why though? I have daughters. I would never want to say anything so fucking horrible to them. Maybe she really just doesn't like me very much.
Sorry this is so long btw.