Sorry may be a long one. Have just had a nasty argument with DM. We were talking on the phone about Terry Wogan and that turned into talking about the afterlife.
I am a non-believer and said something to that effect, then DM said basically it must be true because what about the psychic she saw once who was really accurate. Now the backstory is that my dad died when I was a teenager. We used to argue a lot just before he died - all normal teen girl/dad stuff, him not wanting me to stay out late, boys, make up, etc etc! The last time I had seen him I had been sulking and he had said something like 'Don't bother saying bye then!" and I had said something like "no stuff you, I won't" or something equally charming. Then he had died suddenly a few hours later :( :( I still feel guilty about that.
After he died I went off the rails somewhat. Had a v dodgy (and v abusive) boyfriend, got into debts, drugs, various things I'm still ashamed of. But eventually left him (with the help of the Police after he hurt me v badly), and within a few years was in a good, healthy relationship (have been married for years now), paid off debts, have a lovely home, lovely life & lovely DC. All good :)
A few years ago my mum went to see a 'psychic'. She told me she was fantastic and wanted me to hear the tape of the session. I was interested so did, and it really upset me. On it the 'psychic' basically said my dad was ashamed of me and I needed to grown up, get over him and start taking responsibility for my own life. By this time I had sorted my life out, was happily married and had just had a lovely new baby. So it really upset me that my dad was supposedly looking down at me, ignoring all the good stuff and telling me that I was shit. I don't believe all that really, but it still really upset me, and I was also really upset that my mum had apparently wanted me to hear it.
So anyway back to today. I said to my mum I hoped the psychic wasn't 'really accurate' because it would be pretty shit if the last thing my dad had wanted to say to me was that he was ashamed of me. Her response was "Well what do you expect - the last thing you ever said to him was pretty shitty wasn't it!".
So now I feel shit about it all over again. And it appears my mother (who for years told me it was normal dad/daughter stuff and I shouldn't feel guilty), does think I was to blame and wants me to feel shit all over again :( Why though? I have daughters. I would never want to say anything so fucking horrible to them. Maybe she really just doesn't like me very much.
Sorry this is so long btw.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Really upset - my fucking mother :(
ofuckit · 01/02/2016 11:53
moopy thank you 
Now I have calmed down a bit (thanks to you lot ), I'm pretty clear in my head that I don't need closure with my dad, or anybody in any sort of afterlife. I do know that he wouldn't be so cruel as to have said those things.
The only closure I need is to stop letting my mother get to me.
You know what shiny I think that's true. I did have a lovely relationship with my dad when I was little, it just went a bit off kilter for a few years, and very sadly for me (and him) it never had the chance to get back to normal again - as I'm sure it would have done.
Another thing I have literally not realised until today, is that my mother never did anything to try and smooth things between my dad and me when I was a teenager. I didn't really argue much with my mum at the time, strangely enough - it was all directed at my dad 
. I remember telling my mum that my dad was spoiling things for me, stopping me having fun, etc etc. It doesn't make sense now but she would almost agree with me and back me up (behind his back, not to his face). She would imply that yes it was him being the spoilsport and yes isn't he mean and grumpy, and that if it were just up to her I would be able to do this and that, etc...
But if she had really thought that surely she would have said those things in front of him? She has never been scared of speaking up for herself!
I think maybe she enjoyed being the martyr and him being the bad guy, and I allowed myself to get sucked in to it
She has since said that part of the reason my dad and I didn't get on was because we were so alike - the implication being that we were both stubborn and argumentative. But I'm not actually argumentative at all - I was just a nightmare when I was a teenager.
Thank you ineed. You brought a tear to my eye (in a good way 
)
I wasn't even that bad as a teenager, actually, just a bit of a snotty little madam 
.
I'm the dad to two grown up girls (well, women now but still my girls). Crikey did they give me grief But I don't look back with bitterness.
Just to say that your toxic mother is spouting utter shite. As said upthread the 'psychics' are all charlatans. If I was a psychic the first 'dead' person I spoke to would be someone who had died and left a loooot of money hidden somewhere. Then I could give up lying to people. Win win
step away from the toxic 'mother'
Another voice saying jealousy. 
to you op, it's horrible when your parent acts like a nasty vindictive twat.
Psychics = charlatan... every single one of them, so don't concern yourself with what they said! They prey on people's vulnerabilities and desperation. They learn how to read people, pick up on cues etc... It's all lies!
The more worrying thing is your mother who is supposed to love you! Her comments to you are reprehensible! Shame on her!
What teen doesn't rebel at some point, and say a few things to their parents that they come to regret? I'm sure your dad would be incredibly proud of the woman you have become, and would in no way be ashamed of you. Don't let some scam artist / your mother's words upset you!
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.