What is wrong with him?

[mumsonthelash]

H was caught using escorts a couple of years ago. Completely off his trolley.
I decided to stay I really don't know why. Anyway I still have trust issues and if I try to speak to him he causes an argument and walks out or starts crazy making verbal gymnastics. Hardly going to help is it.
So I asked that he be more transparent but this has had the opposite effect and he walks round with a watch and phone on silent in his pocket. Seems genuinely hurt when I point this out.
So asked for financials and he argued all weekend saying I only wanted to know so I could leave. I said it doesn't matter why as marriage is a partnership.
He feels I am manipulating him if I mention any of the above and calls me crazy or runs off.
God this sounds really bad but I really think he would rather see me mentally ill than take on my concerns. He says I'm trying to ruin his life.

He says I'm trying to ruin his life
he is ruining yours

There is violence brewing but the slow build up to boil keeps you sleepy-eyed and doubting yourself, unaware of the danger escalating.
This.

He says I'll be sorry when I'm on my own.
You're sorry now!

Exactly. The man is an entitled idiot who doesn't deserve jack shit.

Its now my problem for putting up with it.

Well - you do have a problem, true, but that doesn't make it your fault or absolve him of any responsibility for acting like a massive bellend.

What are your plans now?

Thanks Pocket. Well have calmed down and really enjoyed work this week being in normal company cheers me up!
Will go to solicitor next week and see what they think. This feels empowering. I have no idea why I have felt the need to be stuck in this mess.
What a waste of positive energy from me to have it batted back and seen as unnecessary.
Trying to change someone else just doesn't work.

Acknowledging there is a problem is the first step in changing things, so well done to you. There is no shame in that, and you are not to blame for this situation.
Please make sure you make that appointment with a solicitor, and please do contact women's aid for more advice.
Good luck x

Cried this morning as he pretended that nothing has happened. He then began saying I had been drunk every weekend since xmas? Not true. Said he hates me and I lost my cool. Said there's always something with you get over it.
I really cried and he said why are you doing this?
He also said he had my abuse logged with his specialist. He's gone out calling me a codependant little shit.
Its gone too far. He says he has been transparent but I lose the passcodes. He changes them. Going to have to leave but its my home that the children come to.
He does everything he can to confuse me and then expects me to be loving with him.

Did you see a solicitor last week? What was their advice?

Its this week. So will press ahead.

Just feel like I'm losing my mind when he lies and blames me.

Well tonight I said he's making me ill and he said I like rolling in shit. I said I like the right to speak and be heard. He said you do nothing but.
So he had a fit and said he wished I was dead and I always gave a reason for not having sex with him? Who would?
The worst thing he said was he cried when my mum died and I didn't. My mum dying was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Some things are so bad you don't cry.

I know what I have to do just needed some support.

never mind. Going to see solicitor in morning. Realise this post is too awful to comment on.

Sounds like you have done well using this thread to make your decision to take legal advice.

You will never have a normal relationship with this arse. He is an abusive emotional manipulator. Making you cry by pretending nothing is wrong is classic emotional abuse and you need to try to start emotionally detaching. Try to ignore his bating and his minimising as much as possible.

Good luck

Good luck with the solicitor
You're doing the right thing

I hope it goes well with the solicitor.
Believe or not you are doing well.
He's a typical abuser using all the tricks in the book.
That's why you feel confused.
Keep going. You will get there.
It will take time so don't engage with him anymore.
When he starts, walk away.
Keep posting. It's a good diary of events of you.
Make sure you keep a dairy of all his shit as well.