Naked photos found on husbands phone.

[Mrsstrife]

Hi All....advice please!
Back in November my husband came back from working away, It was late and I was on my way up the stairs to tuck my daughter into bed and I happened to just glance down the stairs. Well my husband was looking down at his phone and I could see naked photos of a woman and text bubbles. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was texting his son. I knew what I had seen so as he walked up the stairs I grabbed his phone and locked myself in the bathroom. I scrolled down and saw photos of this woman and text messages from both her and my husband saying what they would do to each other....let you use your imagination. ... I didn't have much time as he was able to get into our bathroom and grabbed the phone off me.
Over the course of the week much arguing and denial on his part carried on. My husband actually gave my mobile number to her so she called me to say there was nothing in it....just texts....and it was all a bit embrassing and silly. I have since found out it was a woman who worked at his office and might be married. Things started to calm down with Christmas coming up and his birthday I thought for the kids sake get through the holiday and address in the new year. This was very stressful.
In the new year I still had a feeling in my gut there was more to know. Husband carried on with his tale that it was two weeks of madness etc etc sorry sorry sorry etc. Now I have found after digging around it has been going on since September ...more photos....text message to her on Christmas Day wishing my woman's name happy Christmas and don't text back. He has admitted his two week tale was not true and the texts photos have been months but it's all done with. I asked him to leave which he has not done and refuses to stating he has been stupid he loves me...it was just photos and messages nothing more. We had a weekend planned in Italy which I refused to go to and he stayed as he wants to work it out and fix everything.....sorry if this long but I'm pretty broken at the moment and unsure what path to take.

change your passwords-on mn , phone, laptop etc

I say this as I used to work in a solicitors that dealt with family and matrimonial law.

First thing on Monday see a solicitor, if necessary get steps in place to change title deeds on your property which is rented out if he's on it, or make steps so he can't claim. Also don't be forced out of your own home unless you really feel you have to.

Do not see a solicitor who offers first free session - we were just speaking about this the other day at work and most of those solicitors aren't really worth bothering with. Some may be but in this case you need your ducks in a row and move forwards. It already seems as though you want out of this. I'd leave telling the husband etc for now. Always use a Law Society registered solicitor Google if you can and if negative reviews do not use. You also have to feel like you can work with them. Most family lawyers are very efficient, easy to talk to, sympathetic and lay out your options simply.

I would totally go down the route of adultery name her if necessary (you'd be surprised how few divorce cases are for adultery and name a co-respondent).

i f you name correspondent in adultery do you need actual proof=photo in flagrante delicto ? How about alienation of partner's/h's affections?

Sorry you are in this position. He has behaved appallingly.

I'm not sure about contacting OW's H. If I were you I would hold on that a while as more information could well continue to emerge.

Re divorce. Agree that seeing a solicitor soon is a great idea. On the free front I think it's a bit dependent on where you live and what's available. I saw a free one and found it very useful for information gathering. I didn't use them in the end though as I found someone else that I preferred. In your situation I believe that divorce and unreasonable behaviour could be used as grounds. I used adultery for mine and was told that it's fairly rare nowadays to name the OW on the papers. I didn't.

I think you might not need proof if they admit it. I didn't - he admitted it as he wanted a quick divorce but I didn't name the co-respondent. I don't know why I didn't, I suppose I didn't want to appear overly-vindictive. It wouldn't have mattered much as she lived abroad. They have since married.

Just an insight into second chances; my dp has had what I now realise was/is an EA for most of our relationship. With one woman mainly but occasional others. I have no evidence of sex. I wouldn't be surprised but an emotional affair is where ultimate betrayal lies with me.

I found out about small almost insignificant indiscretions and voiced my unhappiness only to be told I was over reacting. Later I found out about what was definitely ea teritory. I assumed it would be an easy decision for me to end the relationship. Turns out it wasn't and I gave him a second chance. Then another. And another. I don't know what number I'm on now. What I do know is it hurts more every time. A lot more. He never tells the truth, I find out and he denies. Although now he doesn't really do that, just goes quiet and is nicer for a while. Now I almost accept it. I'm mostly happier in myself by accepting and getting in with our life. But its always there.

Don't be like me. Be kind to yourself. Respect yourself. If he's not being honest now he never will be imo.

Hi that must be torture living like that but it's really tricky when it's your situation. I'm not judging you at all and thank alltgenamesaretaken for your kind words.
My husband is in denial .... I'm getting all the "I can fix this shit" !! I mean seriously you were the one who broke it..... Anyway have booked in to get some legal advice .....will keep you all updated! Have great day all 😃

Don't even try going to 'Adultery' - it is notoriously expensive, long and really difficult to prove. Honestly, all the photos you like will not 'prove' it; a pregnancy and DNA test will do, but as I said, expensive and long!

Go for Irreconcilable Differences , the marriage has broken down irretrievably, and you don;t want to be married any more.

I went down the 'unreasonable behaviour' route.
So he thinks he can fix it!?
You've only been married 18 months FFS and he's been unfaithful for a lot of that time.
This is definitely not worth saving.
He doesn't even respect you enough to give you some space.
It's awful, I know.
I was going to try with my ExH but after literally a day or so I knew I could never look at him the same way again. I knew I'd never forget.
Never fully trust him and never truly forgive him so I had to end it.

Good for you sound strong, get out now and protect yourself financially for the future, sorry your going through thus hun but it is better to get out now, you have a chance to be happy still

See a solicitor pronto to make sure he doesn't have a claim on your property. What I suggest you do is give notice to the tenants in your owned home and move in there with your kids.

This.

I knew two women who had to give payouts to abusive ex husbands who brought no assets into the marriages - one had to sell her house to do it and now lives in social housing.

Getting into the property and making it you and your kids home may be s good way of stopping him from being able to claim on it.

And yeah, even with the texts and photos apparently adultery is very hard to divorce on (and would probably make no difference to the financial settlement either) .
. You can cite adultery under unreasonable behaviour without having to prove it.

I'm not sure about contacting OW's H. If I were you I would hold on that a while as more information could well continue to emerge.

You may want to hold on to that bargaining chip to get what you want on the divorce. It could be a good way of getting him to "cooperate".

And the inevitable posters who'll cry "blackmail" .. so fkg what, why play fair with people who don't play fair with you. Just don't ever put any 'bargaining chip" in any recordable format.

ZOMBIE!!!!!

I didn't twig that this was a ZOMBIE until I saw the length of AF's posts.

She's much more succinct these days. Wonder how the OP is.

@Mrsstrife

Thank you everyone! Amazing to get such support.... We have been together for six years and only married for 18 months....I have two teenage children from a previous relationship...I work full time so in a good job....we rent our house and I have a house that I rent out so money wise I'm ok but it's a lot to give up emotionally and especially wanted a stable home for my children but at the moment it all feels a bit like it's built on sand. Has anyone given their husbands a second chance...?? And what was the outcome?

Ask yourself if you can ever trust this man again. If the answer is no, which it should be, you need to leave and file for divorce. Life is too short for this, and he will almost definitely carry on this affair or start another in the future.

You might feel hurt and pain for a while but your self respect and sanity will be saved.

If you choose to give this guy a second chance you are sending him the message that his behaviour is acceptable to you. Is it? If it isn't, no second chance.

Sending love and strength to you OP. I've just ended a relationship myself, partly due to my ex's inappropriate 'friendship' with an ex of his. It hurts to not have that person in my life anymore, but I know I did the right thing for myself and my sanity.

Anyone that texts saying a message then don’t text back is a sneaky lying bastard. I couldn’t stand that kind of behaviour to know that he has text her while at home with me and the kids. Sorry but that would be so hurtful to me I know I couldn’t get past it. I would be seeing a solicitor and starting to divorce. He won’t go because he is hoping you will change your mind and just accept his shit. He wants his cake and eat it. Stand up to him and tell him to fuck right off he won’t change his shown what his capable of and complete disrespect for you Good luck

‘I didn't twig that this was a ZOMBIE until I saw the length of AF's posts’

Ha ha ha. i though exactly the same and wondered if someone had hacked her account!

a third chance you mean OP?

hes shagging her/shagging about. do not take him back,sel respect and let him get on with shagging her

i guarantee that was no work trip, she was on it

Zombie thread.

@GilbertMarkham
@JaffaCake70
@Skyla2005
@carly2803

Do you not think the OP may have resolved it in the last 4 and a half years?