New relationship with a guy whilst the ex is still pregnant?

[clashofclanswidow]

Should start by explaining, I am said ex...

I am 23 weeks pregnant and have a 2 year old with the same person I have been with for 6 years but we have recently seperated - that is a whole other story

My query is, a few days ago he told me he has met someone else and it's "early days" yet apparently they have already been talking about how things will be when our baby arrives and he has asked about introducing our oldest daughter when he is sure it is right?

At the time I was heartbroken but now I just can't get my head around it.

Why would you want to be with someone who has a baby on the way to someone else?

I can't even begin to comprehend how this is gonna work out for us all but when I did a 'google search' most stories seemed to say they could never be with a man like this or that the man ended up leaving them and going back to the ex once baby was born anyway?

Has any one been through this?! I would love to hear stories?

I appreciate just because something happened to someone else, it doesn't mean it will happen to me and if they end up happy together, that's fine as my girls will always be looked after, there's just something about this that baffles me!

I'm not going to be judgemental - just keen to hear from anyone? TIA xx

What an awful situation for you. I really feel for you.

But as someone once said: They come, they go, they come back again.

When he does, tell him to do one. They are both living in CC land. Do they not realise the enormity of a new-born?

I dated some one with a pregnant ex, I didn't see the problem. They split up. She moved out. A few mths later we started dating. Just because ur pregnant doesn't mean u or the father aren't single. Life goes on

By "dated", I assume it didn't last then?...

Curious when it finished and did you actually go through the emotions of him going to see his baby? Or did you both just totally move on and forget the pregnant ex ever existed?

oh my goodness reading this is like reading my life!!!
I am currently 35 weeks pregnant and have a 2 year old son and my ex 4 weeks ago told me he had been texting someone else (who he is now in a relationship with)
he had promised he wouldn't let anything happen till I had our daughter as I would have found it hard him being at the birth knowing he had came from her and going back to hers but 2 weeks later he is staying with her not seeing his son on his days off instead seeing him for a few hours on days he is working as he "needs to have a life too"
I am not going to lie I have became bitter I hate every bit of him and her I hate what they both have done to me and my kids! my son has been so confused as he has only seen daddy 5 times in 4 weeks.
he then witnessed me having a nervous breakdown and having to dial 999 as I wasn't able to breath or see. I then ended up in maternity tonight as baby girl hadn't moved all day turns out her heart rate is high due to the stress I am going thru did he come to the hospital to see if she was okay (he was 2 mins away) NO he never! he hasn't thought about how this has effected me or my kids in anyway at all! in my eyes she will never meet my children I do not care! he could of moved on months down the line it would have been hard but I could of dealt with it easier where as 6 weeks before I give birth was a bit crap!
as for her well I won't say what I think of her on here because it's certainly not pleasant (she knew I was pregnant)

please be careful and look after yourself and the babies I can honestly say I hope it gets easier for you! my email is [email removed by MNHQ for privacy] if you need a chat x

We dated for about 9 mths. When his ex went into labour he went rushing there from a date we was on, that wasn't a issue at all, he txed to say it was a boy 6lb u know that sort of thing, he didn't have baby over night or anything cos obvs was too young to be away from mum but saw baby a lot, I never met baby. He never met my son. It was casual dating

Oh, I will definitely email you! Your story made me so sad, as I know the pain you must be feeling!

It is so hard but through all this he promised the kids would still come first but already I can't feel that disappearing by the fact our daughter is here with me and not him as planned (its not the first time he has asked either - I just didn't know about her then)

I genuinely can't believe there are men willing to do this to their partners! The fact he didn't come see you in hospital is appauling! I'm so sorry you are going through this as well! =(

It worries me what you have said as even through all the pain he put me through, I never wanted the babes to be exposed to it but it looks like I might have to start preparing for that too if your ex couldn't even show his face at hospital, so sad =(

I hope you will be ok too xx

My ex did this OP.
Only I didn't find out about OW until my baby was 5 weeks old

He did dump me as soon as I told him I was pregnant though (such a prince amongst men), treated me like shit throughout my pregnancy, and then shacked up with OW and her child when our baby was 12 weeks old

I was devistated at the time, but I've got a relationship with DS that he can only dream of, and I couldn't care less about him and OW now.
They deserve each other

Aww sorry to hear that PrancingQueen - I'm glad you moved on ok.

He finally took the decency to explain things. Apparently he hasn't been in love with me for ages, we've just been parents and he stayed for eldest, hoping things might get better. I got the immortal "I loved you as kids Mum but I'm not in love with you" line.

As far as this new relationship goes, he said he was so honest with her (so she was told all the above and more by the sounds of it) because he wanted to be open with her. Apparently he puts up walls and there isn't one with her. I've heard this guff from him before over the last rebound he had but I'm past caring about them now. It's all over facebook I've been told so people can make their own assumptions on the situation.

I guess it's made it easier knowing he was so miserable here, even if it feels like a convenient excuse now, as we can't have been that miserable we made a baby but oh well. I don't think she's grasped either that if he was so miserable he wouldn't have been having baby sex with me only 24 weeks ago but yano, her call.

Sh*t happens and life goes on.

I told him I don't want to hear from him at all now, strict no contact and we will only communicate re the kids so that should make things easier now, I hope.

Well they always come out with that kind of crap.
It's pretty pathetic how they can't just leave and be on their own for a while if they're so unhappy!
Anyway, it sounds as if you're getting your head around the situation.
Have a think about getting some counselling if you can - it helped me so much in the early days when my head was full of them when I had a new baby to care for.
Good luck

You are both single. I don't think this guy deserves the harsh comments.

If the sexes were the other way round and a guy supported a pregnant woman (pregnant with someone else's baby) throughout her pregnancy, he'd be praised. How is this any different?

Interesting perspective. I get your points but I don't think I've been harsh on him giving the situation he has left me in (which is more than has been posted here)

Eventually I want all this to blow over and the priority is the children in all this but at the minute I am hurting and need a place to vent.

As said in my OP, I am not being judgemental but unfortunately anger will naturally play a part in all this.

Even if the situation was reversed and it was me that was moving on with someone else, I don't think I could have done it a mere 3 weeks after and I would have respected the situation enough not to call it a relationship until my baby was born, even if the attraction was strong as you can never tell what will happen and I would have wanted to protect everyones feelings

Well said OP.

It's probably more to do with his insensitive timing and the fact that he's buggered off and left you shouldering nearly all the responsibility that stings most.

You vent away sweetheart!

I'm sorry pinkhorse I have to disagree with you on this!
surely out of the respect for the mother of his soon to be 2 children and the fact she is pregnant could he not have waited till she had the baby and stuff before moving on?
he obv doesn't care about the stress that doing this would cause to the unborn baby as well??
it seems the men in these situation don't think about the unborn baby or the mother all they think about is their next conquest!
sorry if that comes across harsh but I know exactly what op is going thru!

You sound great, op

What an inadequate dickhead he is.

Yeah, he's rewritten your history to feel less guilt. His new gf will have all this to deal with further down the line.

You sound very up together considering how awful you must be feeling. Shutting down contact and making it just about the dc is the way to go. May I suggest one more thing. Don't call him regarding contact at all. Let him call you. He needs to do all the work regarding contact so you don't end up chasing him. If he chooses to wind down contact it will be better for your dc that it happens sooner rather than later. Also, this means you will never have to be on the phone waiting for him to answer. Even when you are in labour and have the baby. Wait for him to call you to announce the birth. It will mean you don't have him in your headspace.

What a selfish a*. Agreed with Rickety. Let him take charge of contact. If he is not interested you will know then. And it is better than your dd feeling let down every time. Have you got any support through this?

If the sexes were the other way round and a guy supported a pregnant woman (pregnant with someone else's baby) throughout her pregnancy, he'd be praised. How is this any different?

Er... if you can't tell the difference between a pregnant woman and the male ex-partner of a pregnant woman, your biology needs a little brushing up.

I can't imagine any circumstance where I would date someone with a pregnant ex. I'm guessing he's saying you have tricked him into sex, and on the one time it happened in years you got pregnant. He should show some respect. I hope there is no talk of her being any where near your baby.

Thank you PrancingQueen! =)

The timing of it all does hurt and he has left me with a lot of problems to deal with but yes, thankfully I do have support.

I do get upset about the stress this is causing to my poor unborn. I wish I could just switch off from it.

Thank you - I didn't think of the contact thing. I have said I won't talk to him other than to tell him about the baby appts (if there is anything he should need to know) but I never thought about just leaving it up to him to ask, good call. I'm not refusing him access but yes, if he did want to know, he would check wouldn't he. I suppose time will tell with that one.

Well as honest as he was it was a pretty brutal message to me about why our relationship failed and I assume the same thing he told her so yes, she will be under the impression all love was lost. Maybe it was and I was a bit blind to it.

I have said I don't want her near our children yet but to be fair, other than banning him access (which I can't do, our eldest dotes on her Dad) I wouldn't know if she had already met her (this wouldn't surprise me.) If she has, I'd rather not know tbh as I will be even more stressed with it all.

We're talking 4 months til my due date then another 2 months before I can really express any breastmilk for her to "go out" for any length of time.

So providing their relationship continues, they will have been together 6 months so I imagine he will see nothing wrong with having her around our newborn because that's just how thoughtless he is. I guess that's another bridge to cross when it comes to it xx

I must admit, I was so protective over DS when he was born that if ex had even wanted to bring him into his new home with OW and her child, I'd have told him to fuck off.
He still saw him regularly, just not in their home. I couldn't cope with that on top of everything else.

It's much easier now he's older and he stays there now, but when he was tiny there was no way.
Also, I don't think that your newborn will have to spend significant time away from you especially if you are BF.

for me my ex is not allowed to take my 2 year old anywhere near ow! if he takes our son out one of his parents has to go with him (not just because of ow but there was many times I was at work I would come home from a 6hr shift and he hadn't been changed or fed and he was playing xbox) if I find out that he does then the contact will end up being in our house and I will leave them to spend time together! as for baby due in 4 weeks she will not be meeting her either! he has also said he wants her over night when she is first born but this can't happen as I am bf!
I had said to my ex if he had respected me enough to not have started a relationship until I had had our daughter and recovered maybe thins could have been different and he could have been at the birth and things like that but after disrespecting me so much and caring so little about what he has done I can't have him at the birth.

I think you're right hurt, especially with it being so recent. I don't want him at the birth and that is a few months away, I can't imagine going into labour at the moment. I really feel for you xx

Yeah, that's grim. I wouldn't go there and I'm neither whiter than white or claim to be a saint. Gross.

My child's father ditched me when I was pregnant,
Got someone else pregnant while I was pregnant ( she miscarried )
That went tits up before I even gave birth.
The next one came along just after...
His family & him just pretended there was no newborn baby.
It's what made me cut contact with his mother as when it all came out she justified it by saying he was trying to protect the girl he loved.
She got told I was a psycho liar & he wasn't the Daddy.
That didn't last either.
Wow when you write that down...
Men are right horrible bastards.

Stay strong,
You don't want someone that can hurt you at the time they are supposed to be protecting you & you'll always just be waiting for it to happen again.

^
He always ends up coming back to me.
I let him.
Don't be a mug like me.