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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend had an addiction what do I do?

62 replies

Leaneedshelp · 29/01/2016 10:25

Hi there im 25 and my boyfriend is 26. it's a very long story to be honest but it starts from 6 months into our 2 and a bit years relationship my boyfriend dumped me 6 months in for 24 hours then came back saying his made a big mistake. Then everything was fine again as time went on I noticed he was doing things that you shouldn't be whilst in a relationship like a girl posted on social networking like for my number and he liked it why when he has me? Then I pulled him up on that and everything carried on as normal but all I kept getting was a feeling that something was going on like something I should know so I went through his phone to put my mind at ease but that wasn't the case he had been messaging a girl flirting calling each other babe and baby something he calls me so I pulled him up on that and that stopped then I started getting that gut feeling again so again I looked in his phone and his had numerous dating site accounts when I notified him I knew this he lied and confused his own lies because first he said one of his friends was on about it so he had a look then he said his email account had been hacked which was a lie because in that case you would just get a new one all he did was change his password so I couldn't get on it. So I had a breakdown then and he said it would stop so again we started again by this time I was pregnant with our little boy who is now 6 months so overly emotional anyway and I thought once baby was here he would change but no things still kept going on now I know he has a Twitter account dedicated to porn following over 2,000 naked pornographic women and even attempts to chat to them and also he had yet another dating site which he had been using this is recently and during our first 6 months I found out the other day he had been talking to his ex saying he was living the single life that basically he dumped me because I was boring in more ways than one and they even spoke about getting back together it just breaks my heart we have a beautiful baby and he was planned as all we both ever wanted well at least that's what he says but yet he doing all this what do I do I love him but he just keeps hurting me, I mean last week I wrote him an essay of 11 pages saying everything his done and how I feel I literally poured my heart out, he wrote one back but not really giving me what I wanted out of it it was only 2 pages. He tries to say he does things because he has put a little weight on and his adhd and he has let himself go and that's why he does these silly things which is no excuse I mean I feel unattractive and ugly that don't mean I'm going to watch porn and talk to men.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 29/01/2016 14:23

He posts utter bollocks on Facebook for show, to make himself look good and feel good. It's got fuck all to do with how he feels about you (which is pretty bad, by the way)
Stop accepting this, please!

Cabrinha · 29/01/2016 14:25

Whenever I see a couple that post a lot of OTT lovey stuff frequently, I think Hmm somebody's lying. Happy couples don't need to constantly tell other people how they feel.

Leaneedshelp · 29/01/2016 14:27

Exactly what I think hence I don't do it. That's why I feel I'm part of an act. He wants people to believe his the perfect family man.

OP posts:
AndTheBandPlayedOn · 29/01/2016 14:29

It is called 'lip service'. He is not sincere. Sorry.

Leaneedshelp · 29/01/2016 14:34

No I know it's not I just don't get why people can ever treat others like this it's disgusting I just couldn't do it to anyone.

OP posts:
summerwinterton · 29/01/2016 14:47

You don't need to get anything.

So what are you going to do? Is he posting on the internet about you full of angst? No he is looking at porn and women online. Time to stop thinking about him and start concentrating on yourself.

So - what about kicking him out and getting some counselling for you?

Leaneedshelp · 29/01/2016 14:51

I'm going to kick him out and sort myself out. I just can't stop thinking why me what have I done to deserve this but I guess I'll never know.

OP posts:
AndTheBandPlayedOn · 29/01/2016 15:22

Just understand that is nothing to do with you. It is hard to grasp this concept. If you were a cardboard cutout he would act the same. If he was with someone else he would act the same. See what I am getting at? You caused NONE of this: it is all down to him and his choices and his behavior. You are not responsible for that.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 29/01/2016 15:24

I am glad you have decided to kick him out. Smile

Leaneedshelp · 29/01/2016 15:25

I know I'm not well I do now. I mean I've been Down every avenue the feeling though I'm not good enough so on plus it hasn't helped that during my pregnancy I had a cyst come up on my cheek and had to have it removed so now I have a scar there so that made the feelings towards myself worse.

OP posts:
Ava7Susan · 14/08/2017 00:46

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Ava7Susan · 14/08/2017 00:59

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