DH asked me to bite him. Freaked out.

[MrsHelenBee]

DH and I hadn't been intimate for over a year. A new baby, health issues and stress has killed my libido, but I've been trying to get back what we had for a while, and last night we were intimate.
I get that we can all say things in the throws of passion, and I've occasionally said a few things which I guess would be a mild form of dirty talk, but DH was nearly at the crucial point (sorry, tmi but I don't know how else to explain it), when he asked me to bite him.
I was shocked and pretended I didn't hear him, and hoped it was forgotten, but today I definitely haven't forgotten, and I feel a bit freaked out. Biting isn't me, and if this is a new direction he wants to go in, I don't want to go there. We always seemed compatible but today I feel like I don't know him, and surely if he knew me, he'd know I'm not into that in the slightest.
Am I overreacting? I feel really uncomfortable about it today.

Did he not mean a sucker? Some people like a love bite or 2 in the throws.

Bite him where? On the neck like a vampire?

You're completely entitled to not feel comfortable with something, of course. But it does seem a bit of an over reaction to feel so freaked out about it. That said, if it's bothering you, then it matters. Can you talk to him about it?

I'd say that's pretty standard/vanilla sex stuff.

He probably didn't mean take a chunk out of him though!

Talk to him?

I like being bitten and nibbled. Not hard enough to break skin or anything but to me it feels good.

It's understandable that you do not want to harm your dh and if you don't feel comfortable, don't do it but it's not as if your dh is a terrible sexual deviant or something. Lots of people like a bit of pain mixed with pleasure.

Perhaps try something like nipple clamps or a paddle, it gives a nice sting but won't scar him for life.

He's your DH - surely you can ask him WTF he was on about.
You don't have to be freaked out or make a big deal - do it in a jokey way and just ask him what he actually wanted and where this has come from.

Biting isn't too extreme, but I can understand why you are freaked out if it's never been raised before. Both me and dp like to bite/be bitten while having sex, usually the neck or shoulders or back. It's never in a violent way to cause real pain, just in a passionate way.

As you haven't had sex in a long time, do you think he may have been using porn? Perhaps he has got the idea from that?

Isn't biting standard?

You should never do anything sexually you feel uncomfortable with, so from that PoV stick to your guns, but equally, maybe you need to get out more?

I wouldn't say this is anything to worry about. You sound a bit uncomfortable talking about sex.

Is this normal for you? The discomfort, I mean. If so, perhaps try gently pushing yourself to bring it up, and explore where your DH was coming from and why it made you uncomfortable?

It's pretty standard play IMO.

Can you not just ask him about it?

Why are you so freaked out?

Tbh I wouldn't bat an eye if dp asked me to bite him and neither would he. I understand everyone is different but to me biting is just another intimate sensation which can be very enjoyable. I would say biting is pretty standard/vanilla sexual behaviour.

Pretty standard stuff, surely?

You come across as a bit, stiff, and inhibited, which I suppose is understandable if you haven't been having sex for a while. Just talk to him!

Just talk to him. You should be able to talk to your husband about this stuff.

I got the idea that the op was freaked out because it had never been suggested before, so why now? Rather than the biting itself? Am I right op?

Ignore that I misread the post.

I was raped as a teen at school. It was a revenge thing, and I was bitten, hit and scratched. I kept it quiet for a long time, then had a breakdown some years later.
My family know, and I had help, and I've always been totally honest with DH, so he knew quite early on.
For me, biting just has the wrong association. I'm sure it was meant playfully, I never imagined he wanted me to BITE him, but just the thought was awful. Sorry if that makes me sound dull.

Why not now? It's not uncommon to find or think of new possibilities.

I think being so freaked out over such a minor request is a strange reaction. Incorporating biting in the heat of the moment isn't difficult at all

I think hes asked you something pretty normal and well within the realms of vanilla but if youre not keen, then just talk to him. Youve got your reasons, but he was only asking

I would associate it with love bites to be honest

Okay, well your anxiety about it given your history is pretty understandable, but I suspect he was thinking of a love bite rather than actual biting. I think you need to talk to him about it.

I'm sorry what you have been trough op but I'm pretty sure that was the last thing on your dh's mind at the time of asking.

I would just speak to him about it.

With that context, it is understandable you were freaked. Why on earth didn't you say that in your opening post?

I'll repeat myself though - just talk to him.

You need to talk to him about it.

You don't sound dull. You had a terrible experience related to 'biting' - I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable.

Talk to your DH.

I'd tell him the truth: 'I was surprised...It's made me feel weird etc.

Make your feelings known, and work out with him if, in future, it's off the cards, (I'm sure he'll be cool with that), or if it's a possibility or whatever.

Its ok to be freaked out - but its not his fault.

Oh Helenbee I'm so sorry that happened to you. Vanilla or not, it makes perfect sense why you wouldn't want biting to be part of your intimate life if you have such terrible memories of it.

I would just sit your DH down and explain to him (in a calm, neutral way) that it has these associations for you and that you feel uncomfortable but that you hope it's not a deal-breaker for him. Let him react - he may have meant something very gentle, and was probably just experimenting. I'm sure he'll understand, anyhow.