DH has really really hurt me...what do I do??

[lincolnshirelassy]

....not physically but emotionally. Another battle with Dd115 over bed time, she was stroppy and tired and overreacted, DH makes an unhelpful comment, not unusual, though Dd is very provocative with her teen attitude, when she has gone to bed I take him up on it and say I feel stuck in the middle with the two of them a lot, he gets quire argumentative so I decide to walk off and as a parting shot he says it is obvious I only care about dd1, not him, not dd2 and not ds. This really stings, particularly as I have stuck with him and supported him through depression, losing all his money and going into an IVA (something he kept secret from me) which means we can't remortgage etc, but when I point i out I am 'dragging things up again'.

Feel really miserable and don't know what to do :( he's drunk a bottle of wine so is obviously a bit drunk, that's not OK and makes me upset that he is lashing out at me.

As a bit of background Dd1 lost her boyfriend two months ago (to the day actually) to suicide so she has had more attention from me and some leeway in behaviour. DH seems to struggle to accept this, though in no way do I think I have neglected the rest of the family, I am just trying to get it right. He's her stepdad btw.

What do I do? I love my husband but feel so very hurt

You'd think a history of depression might have made him more empathetic, but there you go. Maybe the self-absorption that comes with depression is just his personality.

I'd be furious. I AM furious on your behalf OP! A good father/stepfather doesn't get JEALOUS of the attention the children get, FFS.

BlackEyed helpful

thumb yes I agree, I think she is just being 15. School have been AMAZING plus she has a great counsellor, so I am not worried about that side of things.

Another yes I thought so. I think he needs more help for depression personally.

Stupid quest Blackeye. Giddy also totally missing the point of the thread spectacularly.

since when do 15 year old kids have boyfriends

Er, what!? If you don't yet have teens you are in for a shock, if you do they are lying to you!!

blackeyed

Wow that's some sweeping assumptions you have made about my dd there!!

Sleeping around? How did you reach that conclusion?

BTW she's predicted straight A* and is applying for a leadership scholarship to sixth form at Gordonstone. Not that that's remotely relevant to the thread, bur then neither is anything you've said.

Blackeyedpeas fuck off won't you

OMFG Blackeyed - how insulting are you?! Sod off, will you. You're not helping.

Stupid goady post. I have reported. I suggest we ignore it and don't get drawn in.

Blackeyed, seriously?! I'll bet you were as much fun at15 as you are now

Op you need to reign him in before he does some serious damage.

OP is he still depressed and is he doing anything about it?

Goader, ignore.

Another I'm not sure. He did have counselling but they signed him off about ten months ago, I wonder if it was too soon. He became very reliant on me when depressed, I don't know if that's part of it.

by the way since when 15 yr old kids have boyfriends?

Since time immemorial, *BlackEyedPeas^, and many were married by that age. discover-the-truth.com/2013/09/09/age-of-consent-in-european-american-history/

Do you know, as well, I just want someone to look after me for a change?

That sounds so fucking selfish but it's how I feel right now.

If he's emotionally dependent on you he probably resents your dds reliance for emotional support from you too.

He became very reliant on me when depressed, I don't know if that's part of it

That may well be part of it, but in no way does it excuse his lack of sensitivity and concern for dd1's welfare.

Has he always treated dd1 exactly the same as his own dc?

Feel like I'm always supporting, propping people up, sacrificing myself. I know that's what mums do but I just wish for once someone would say 'let me handle this'

Missing the point? Really?
She's 15 and her boyfriend killed himself. Asking if she had counselling and getting off her case isn't the crime of the century Tops
The DD is getting counselling and OP sent her to bed because she was tired. Fine. She had a strop. As does my 4 year old when tired. As does DH when he's tired. OP deals.
The DH has a wobbly about attention.

Hmmm. I would be tempted to send him to the GP for an assessment to see how he's scoring on the depression/anxiety scale and go from there. He does need to practise self-care (including going easy on the alcohol!) and can't just rely on you or counselling or meds. It's not easy but he needs to manage it for his own sake as well his family. It sounds like you've been doing a sterling job supporting everyone but it's not fair on you, you can't do it by yourself indefinitely. Emotional labour being "wife work" and all that.

goddess yes to be fair he has never treated my DC's differently to his. He has a 17 year old from first marriage too and he doesn't favour her either. I can't fault him on that.

Bloody hell, lots of posts while I was writing that! Sounds like I hit the nail on the head then...