I am going to leave my husband. I WILL do this

[IWillFindTheStrength]

He is a bully, plain and simple. It has been going on for years and every time EVERY TIME I promise myself "next time, I leave" and I am still here

If you met him you'd think he was nice, pleasant and a real family man.

In the last 4 days I have been told by him...

I was a shit girlfriend now I'm a shit wife
I'm fucking thick
I'm a loser
I'm a waste of space
I will never amount to nothing
If it wasn't for him I'd have fuck all
He dragged me to where I am now
I have no ambition

I have been putting up with this sort of behaviour for years and I have had enough! I have fucking had enough of being made to feel worthless.

I always get apologies and "I only say that stuff out of anger/frustration/spite" and now he's all nicely nice.

There have been many many occasions I have been sat sobbing after his tirades and he has sat there with a look of disgust on his face then he puts his hands up to his face, makes a gesture of rubbing his eyes and said "boo fucking hoo"

And this piece of shit claims to love me?

Oh and when I asked, during his last mouthful, why he married me, he said it was "a strategic move" or words to that effect.

I don't even like him any more. He has made me feel worthless.

Guess I'm just scared, not of being on my own, I have a house so I'll be ok, but of him kicking off. I'm waiting for my moment.

I have truly fucking had enough

(Just needed to vent)

Classic bully, chipping away at your self esteem. I really hope you find the strength to leave this (what sounds like) odious man

I feel sick. He was furious on the phone, I'm watching the clock waiting for him to come back now. Says he is going

Can you get someone round to be with you. Is he less likely to have ago at you with an audience?

He would kick off regardless of who is here, I'm dreading it, I know he is going to make out its all my fault, I'm bringing up old shit, I'm a "fucking silly girl"

I need to make sure I don't break my resolve

Just stay quiet. Let him pack his bags and go. That's what you wanted isn't it ?

If he kicks off, call the police.

You getting all jumpy and second-guessing yourself is playing right into his hands. Stay silent, do the broken record technique "this is what both of us want" and let him fuck right off.

This has all come to a head now because he wants us to move, the thought of giving up my tenancy for a man makes me feel like shit, that's what finally made me decide "no"

I will be stuck if I do that, and I'm not doing that to myself

He won't go easily, he has it too cushy and a human punch bag to take his moods out on, why would he give that up.

It will be up to you OP to tell him to get out, it's your home anyway!

So destructive for your kids to be living in this kind of environment.

The tenancy is in your name. There is no reason for you to move.
Everything has to be on his terms so he is not liking it.

This is emotional abuse OP and it can be reported to the police. If he's on their radar then it will make kicking him out easier since if he refuses to go then he'll probably wind up getting himself arrested.

Good luck OP. Do not engage with him. Stay calm and cold. Are you worried he will get physical? If do pls get someone round to be with you. Make sure you change the locks. We're all routing for you.

He's gone, major argument, apologies for his behaviour, he got upset, he slammed his wedding ring down and left.

My head is banging

Good. That is a result. Do not sabotage yourself. This is what you wanted.

Just make sure he doesn't empty your joint account!
Call someone to change locks for you tomorrow?

Well done. Sort out your banking so he can't touch your money and get on with getting rid permanently. Stay strong and resolved, you have just done yourself and your DC a huge favour.

Well done, you have taken the first and most difficult step to being free of him. I'm sure there will be other things that you need to do but this is huge! Stay strong and don't second guess yourself.

Good Luck today OP. The first day after they leave can be tough as you start churning stuff over on your mind. Be kind to yourself

Well done. Have a lovely weekend with no stress or abuse!

Plan a day off and your departure without him knowing. Get everything sorted and move out. Leave him a note explaining as you love him so much you had no choice but to leave him so that he can find someone he truly deserves......then tell him to fuck right off because you've left him so that you can find someone who loves and appreciates you

He's a bully.

Morning. IWillFindTheStrength. Well done.

what about a name change to IHaveFoundTheStrength

Well done OP. you're incredibly brave

Well done IWillFindTheStrength I'm in a similar situation, told him I'd had enough 2 weeks ago but as we have a joint tenancy he won't leave, I'm trying to stay calm and distant to avoid arguing in front of our 4 children but he seems to have taken this to mean all is forgiven again! Oh well, I'm sure he will take the hint eventually. Well done you for actually sticking to your guns, you can relax and be free!!

Well done!

Brilliant op! Now starts the rest of your life!

Yesterday you were angry, you have done the hard part, but you will feel a whole bunch of emotions now, regret, guilt, sorrow, failure, not to mention he will be coming round with tears, apologies, talking about the DCs, then alternatively, threatening you with taking custody, you are unfit, you are ADs, you are mental.
The path to take is quiet, detachment, do not give in, avoid talking by phone, text only, & keep all of his texts for later, you may need them.
If they are his children, he will have to organise days he can see them & take them out, He does not come to your house.
Change the locks, & block all access to your bank account. make an appointment with CAB
declare yourself single to the agencies
Make sure he has no access to your phone/computer/fb or any accounts where he may know your passwords.
It will take a while, but your life is on the up from now on. Be strong