I name changed for this. I'm at my wits end and need advice please.
I fled an emotionally and physiologically abusive relationship two years ago. I never reported the incidents leading up to that day when I feared for my life and I never reported the incident that occurred that day, when I genuinely feared for my safety.
My three children were witness to the unprovoked verbal attack in which my ex threatened to end my life. There was lots of shouting, and at my children were screaming. At first chance, with my kids in tow, we ran out of the house. I never went back after that day. But because I stupidly never reported the incident at the time, when I tried to get full custody of my children, they said there was no proof that these events occurred, and that it wouldn't stand up in court. I was refused legal aid and advised that even with all the money in the world, without evidence that my ex was an unfit partner, he would not be refused custody.
Months went by. We had a shared informal custody agreement of 50/50. I was never OK with it but as we both have Parental responsibility, and he was over powering, I could not do anything about this.
His treatment of the children are appalling. He is verbally and emotionally abusive towards them. Calls them names, swears at them, belittles them and they have confessed to 'learning how to behave so dad doesn't loose his temper with us'. It breaks my heart.
Ive contacted Social services 3 times now. They are not interested as he hasn't hit them and because the only way I can ensure they are safe, is by going for full custody. I know this, but I have no case. Even with all the evidence.
Families First were involved briefly at my request. Again, they did not even interview my children!! I was so let down.
A threat of violence was made towards my eldest last month. I reported this incident with the police. They said that he hasn't actually committed a crime. Therefore the best they can do is log it and refer me to Social Services.
SS have called to say there is nothing they can do to help! They will put me in touch with Families first again.
I feel so let down by the system. I have informed the Doctor, Schools, SS, FF, Police. Been to Citizens Advice, Family Law and various other organisations.
I've hit a brick wall. I feel like I am fighting this on my own. I thought prevention was the best thing? Why are they waiting for something bad to happen before they do anything?
My kids love their dad. They are also very scared of him. They want to stay with me and for their dad to 'get help and be nicer to them'. My ex will not be reasoned with. I've exhausted every option with him. He will not listen to anyone. He doesn't think he is in the wrong.
I've told him he can not have the children until he addresses his anger issues etc.. He said no chance, he'll be picking them up as normal. I have had to arrange to pick my children up early every day from school just so I get there before him. This just isn't right or sustainable.
What steps can I take next. I'm so drained and feel deflated and cheated.
Sorry for poor spelling and grammar. I'm just so tired.
Thanks in advance