Which way to turn??? Any advice appreciated

[mrsfleming32]

Hi everyone
I don't post on here very often but this morning I am in a real pickle and would really appreciate any words of advice from anyone who has been in the same or similar situation.
OH and I have been together over 4 years. We both live in a flat with my DD who is nearly 8, the flat is in my name and he gives me money every month.
He earns an awful lot more than me but sometimes he can be so mean and tight. My divorce is going through this month and his has come to a grinding halt due to his ex saving up to take their kids on a massive holiday this year - I don't think she has any intention of letting the marital house go.
Basically I'm starting to feel like a convenience for him. I don't doubt his feelings for me at all, but he spends every spare minute he has visiting his kids. I feel disgusting for feeling resentful, but if he's not at work (he works three long days and has two weekdays and weekends off) he is over at the other house. His kids are nearly 15 and 18. Last night he announced that he is spending the whole weekend there this weekend, because they asked him to.
Again I'd like to stress that I feel disgusting for feeling so resentful. He refuses to even entertain the thought of buying a house with me, and is obsessed with getting the marital house back, which is about 15 miles away in a different area. Am I wasting my time? I'm 41 and I need to put down some roots, he is 46. I would love to hear from anyone, please.

Update
So this morning he got up early to take his son on a parkrun. He's doing D of E award. I said "so I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" Apparently he will be back but I know it will be for a matter of minutes before he's summoned again. I'm starting to not care. I've made plans for tonight, close friend coming with a bucket of wine.

Glad you came back fleming. I know it must be hard when a bunch of strangers are telling you your relationship is shit, but you obviously had concerns to post in the first place.

Great idea to get a mate around with a bucket of wine. Also great idea to start to emotionally detach. I don't think he will even notice to be honest.

Make some plans for your life in terms of what you want for yourself and your DD. I can't imagine he will stick around if you start to impose any boundaries around his behaviour, like not having sleepovers with his wife.

I know for a fact that he won't fight to try and save the relationship. There's far, far more to us than it sounds, which might be difficult to believe. He's just too weak.

I think he will end up with his ex. Her relationship with her BF is stalling and she is turning back to him for support and childcare which he is more than happy to provide.
He should be putting his DC's first but not at the expense of your relationship, giving you no consideration at all.
Let him go-he isn't much of a catch -start making plans for you and your DD without him. Ask him to pack tomorrow and go back to the family home. I think the divorce and the massive holiday abroad will fall through.

He's hardly making you or any kind of life beyond his marriage a priority. Time to call it a day and make your own life.

I'm not sure why but I feel you are only giving is half the story op. Which, of course, is your prerogative. But it makes it hard to give advice

I hope your friend is able to help you tonight

move one lovely. this is going nowhere.

What was it that you had to do to be together that was so hard? I think it's likely to be relevant to how you feel on the 'sunken costs'.

But the sunken costs fallacy is still a fallacy. It's better to think of the time you've put in as valuable learning.

I hope you have a good evening with your friend.