Help. Should I end my relationship?

[ashmts]

I'm really stuck. I feel a bit of a fraud posting here on a board where people have real problems but I need advice please.

Don't know where to start. Been with my boyfriend for 7 years. I'm 25. He has his own flat and I stay most of the time although still have a room at my parents' nearby. Things are fine but every so often I wonder if this is what I want. He has less money than I do and it limits what we can do together. I just feel a bit bored. We rarely have sex any more and I don't even care.

I feel like maybe we were too young to get so serious and I need some time on my own. But is it worth losing this over? We get on fine, there's nothing really wrong with the relationship as such. I just feel like there might be other men out there that would be better for me. But obviously if we break up there's no going back and what if I end up regretting it?

Plan some things... what would you like to have accomplished before your 30. Travel?
This bit is always difficult as its a mourning period but you can't see a change with one foot back in the door...

You're not sad at losing what was, you are sad at losing what might have been.

When I got married I knew it wasn't right, and at one year was desperate to leave.eventually did it at 22 years. I dated a bit and after 2 years met my now dh. We've been together 19 years and married for 11 of them and still very happy.
It's fear of the unknown.
If you had been meant to be you wouldn't have been having previous discussions about it.

I prolonged a breakup with my ex partner by far too long by going back and then leaving again, constantly telling myself I'd made a mistake and that I shouldn't have ended it.

In reality the relationship had made me miserable as sin, I missed the routine and it was the change that was disorientating me, not the fact that I needed him. I was your age when I left and had been with him since I was 20 - I'd never really known any different and the sudden change was scary. It takes a while, yes, but I think you know deep down that it was the right choice for both of you and I promise, in time it gets easier.

Do make plans. Have something to think about other than him - like someone else said, book a holiday or something. I spent a considerable time on my own and whilst I'm in a happy relationship now, I needed that time without anyone else and I learnt so much from it.

You've done the right thing, and you will be fine.

OP I saw your post this morning. I'm going through similar - not 7 years but I ended my relationship as there was just nothing there on a romantic level, I didn't want sex, my ex never made plans and wasn't ambitious and was just drifting. I'm 26.

I just wanted to say, hang on in there. Think of this time as precious, it's time to be selfish and think about what you want. I appreciate it might be overwhelming at first but as well as mourning the past (which is natural) you need to make a big effort to begin to look forward. You've done the really difficult parts - making the decision and moving out.

Are you still in contact with your ex? Maybe you need to cut him off for a while. You say you keep thinking of him as a fallback but this won't help you move forward and it's not fair on him. If you cut contact I think you will be surprised how quickly your feelings start to fade and how soon you won't imagine going back to him.

Take one day at a time and put aside lots of time to plan what you want to do next and be selfish whilst you can! You will get through it and once you are happy on your own your next relationship can be of your choosing and on your terms, not because you're scared of what ifs.

We did talk about it all a few times. He never actually proposed but he hinted at it and it was only a matter of time really.

What do I want to accomplish? I do like to travel but I'm settled in a career, it's unlikely that I'll ever take time off to travel properly. I don't know really, I would like to have a wider circle of friends and a better social life and get a promotion? Nothing exciting but also not easy.

We are still in touch on and off although I've not seen him since I left and we've not spoken at all for a week now. That's the longest we've gone without speaking since we met.

The hardest bit is that I'm really not sure if what I've done is for the best so I'm not sure I want to move on. But I'm not sure I want to go back either. I'm stuck cos the only way I can move on is to buy a flat and see other people but I don't want to do that until I'm sure it is what I want and to do that I'll need to have moved on! At least a bit.

Really do appreciate everyone's advice.

I think if he was someone you were supposed to be with you would feel stronger about him. You wouldn't be scared of marriage because you would know you wanted it and that he was the one you wanted forever. I sometimes wonder if I settled down to young. I got married at 24 (now 26) but I never questioned my relationship. I may have felt that an extra year of 2 being single would have been great (met at 19) but I never felt that I was just going through the motions because I was comfortable.
From what you described it sounds like you miss him as a person but maybe not the relationship. Maybe you could be friends?

I think you're not ready to move on because you're so busy doubting your decision and that if you decide to just move on you're committing to leaving the relationship in the past, which is really scary and I've been there before.

I think you need to remind yourself that it's ok to leave if you weren't happy. A relationship doesn't have to be horrible or abusive or unfaithful to mean it's not right for you.

You made the huge step of leaving which you wouldn't have done if you trusted your gut? So now you have to have faith in your decision, forgive yourself for ending things and commit to moving forwards and not looking back.

So much of what you are going through is the same as me! It's so scary to close that relationship door in your head but if you keep looking back you'll never go forwards.

I think if the relationship was meant to be it will be there to go back to, that's quite a comforting thought but you'll probably find that once you've moved on you no longer need it.