Who is unreasonable? DH or me regarding noise

[Effiewhaursmabaffies]

Well tonight, I came back from my weekly Yoga class again to an unemptied dishwasher and dirty dishes all over the place. I unloaded and tidied up while dh was upstairs on the ipad after putting kids to bed. In the past I have been careful to put things away really quietly but this time I just made the normal amount of noise. So instead of coming downstairs and asying thank you, I got complaints about the amount of noise I made. And it wasnt just dishes, i had to put hid magnum lollystick in the bin. We had a row and now he has gone off in the huff to read a book upstairs. To put things in context, he goes swimming another night and never has to come home and clean up. So AIBU? Or do I apologise?

[Offred]

And no, I don't think he is confused. I think he doesn't want to do the dishes.

But hiding on the iPad and stropping around in the kitchen just makes them both U IMO.

[Twinklestein]

I think he doesn't want to do the dishes

Exactly. That's precisely the point. Everything else - noise levels, passive aggression, is irrelevant.

I didn't say I thought he was being PA, I said you would have a stronger argument for that based on the evidence.

Why should we stick to 'what has been said'? - well because it stops posters going off on a wild tangential passive-aggressive goose-chase.

[dodobookends]

I think that when one of the adults in the house is doing household chores, the other adult shouldn't moan about the noise interrupting their leisure time.

[Offred]

I don't think I'm the one doing that.

And no, the op's behaviour is not at all irrelevant.

I don't think he should be required to do all the childcare and the housework while she is out if he doesn't want to.

I think they should talk about it. Not wanting to do it all is fine as is not wanting to come home to a mess. Without talking about it and when both people are just communicating indirectly and winding each other up I don't think it gets resolved.

[Offred]

The thread title is 'Who is unreasonable? DH or me regarding noise'

You are keen to say he is the whole problem and op's way of handling the dishes problem was fine.

I don't agree. You don't need to get personal or keep on about it.

[gandalf456]

I have the kitchen tidy when dh is out at football. I could not sit on the ipad til the job's done. I can't stand dirty dishes around if he'd complained to.me for making a noise when I had come back, I'd say don't worry because next time you'll be doing it

[Twinklestein]

I haven't got personal Offred and tbh it feels like you're one going on. I've nothing more I can productively contribute to this discussion.