Is it normal for your dp to lounge around in a state of undress?

[ravenmum]

When he got home, my ex used to take off his trousers and sit around with bare legs. He had these really long baggy vests and it looked like he was wearing a skirt. Now I'm in a new relationship, long enough for us not to be on our absolute best behaviour any more, and it seems the new man is most comfortable with his t-shirt rucked up over his stomach and his belly on display.

Now I have no problem with a belly, but it reminds me of my ex and how it felt like I wasn't important enough to make any effort for. I'd always at least make an effort to tame my hair and put on a dressing gown at breakfast but he'd be there just in a vest, hunched over his bowl and slopping his food. I felt like if I'd dressed and acted the same way he'd have been entitled to complain that his wife was letting herself go.

The new man still making an effort in other ways and he has no vest. But is this something I should be calling him up on (how??)? Is it just because I don't complain about these things that men think they need to make no effort? Or am I just being picky, and actually it just means they're relaxed? Men aren't expected to watch out for these things quite as much, are they?

My sons 17 he's always in boxers, will put on lounge pants to answer front door though

BF prepares breakfast naked and brings it back to bed. And does yoga in a pair of pants while waiting for coffee to brew. I have no complaints he looks lovely

We do get dressed to eat at the table though

We have a general rule of tops (and bottoms) on when eating. Other than that we try not to offend each other by displaying more flesh than necessary (both well past the first flush of youth!).

Wouldn't bother me much at all tbh.

My DH lounges around the house in soft brushed cotton tartans and holey tshirts, he also always puts a hand down them and then has the phone glued in the other

Seems to make him happy knowing all his bits are where they belong and I don't mind.

We have "lounge clothes" at home which is comfy clothes such as leggings and a hoodie or tracksuit. I know what you mean by making an effort but i like that it is onle me that sees dh in his casual clothes. It is his private sphere and I want him to be comfortable, i know he feels the same. It kind of symbols our little bubble, our private sphere i guess. and he looks damn nice in his boxers too. Every time I see him (after 12yrs, I think to myself "i did good.

Totally normal OP, it means he's relaxed which is a great sign. I love feeling like I don't have to look great indoors! I wouldn't like DP walking round in just boxers though, too much flesh..

God no, hate surplus flesh showing. Don't even like little boys hanging around the house with no top on, never mind grown men. (unless it's 25 deg outside) It just looks sloppy.

The t shirt over the belly sounds disgusting!

But a pulled down shirt and pajama bottoms is normal home wear round here.

I would slap the hand down the pants very hard in anyone over about 7, though!

I think it's a newish thing. I remember introducing my mum to the term 'loungewear', and I remember the first time I bought a pair of track pants to wear around the house. It was 1999😀.

Hmm this is a tough one as I'm usually all for trying to recognise if it bothers you then fair enough it bothers you

But one of the this I love about dh is that we are the only ones to see that side of each other.... The a slobby comfortable side. I mean we do have standards ... We don't go to the loo in front of each other etc but in general we see big casual as a sign of intimacy and comfort .... kind of the opposite of disrespect (no doubt your ex was a git I don't mean that )

Dh generally strips to a t shirt and boxers if he's not going back out and honestly with a three year old and an 8 week old the only reason I am ever fully dressed at the mo is if im going out with the boys and I'd be arrested for going out in pyjamas lolol (although actually around here is considered de rigeur )

I personally always cover up with a dressing gown but that's genuinely my comfort not d's

So is it worth seeing it as a sin your current partner feels comfortable with you? But perhaps if it really bothers you talk to him about it.... but if ex was abusive is it possible it's him who put into your head about "looking nice" for your man .... In general that type of view is very old hat ... I'm just wondering if you have had that concept drummed into you?

I think you sound a bit high maintenance. Unless he is dirty and smelly does it matter?

I would find this unattractive, but my husband's belly is flatter than mine.

But....but...but...Euripides.........t shirt rucked up over belly? I cannot imagine circumstances where that's OK- unless possibly on your own on a desert island!!

If it bothers you it bothers you, you'd dislike our house though-DH never been a huge fan of wearing much around the house.

We have a "no cocks out in the kitchen" rule, for health and safety purposes, but generally we both get in pjs as soon as we get in, then until we both go to work the next day we are in various states of undress, including naked/topless breakfast. I can't be arsed looking nice just for loafing about the house. We both manage to look great when the occasion demands it.

What's wrong with going for a wee in front of a dp? Surely having your legs in the air and him peering into your fanjo is way more intimate then having a post sex wee while he washes his cock.

Why would you have sex with someone your not comfortable with? My ex would rub my belly when I was constipated, has looked after me whilst vomiting, driven me to the hospital after being in bed for four days with the worst tonsillitis that meant I was to ill to bath in those days ect. I've farted by accident in doggy style, fanny farted and got drunk and strip danced on the coffee table. Seriously don't have sex or be in a relationship where you can't be yourself.

(op I know you said about growing up in a step family and that's why your a bit prudish but I grew up in care and I'm the least prude ever. Maybe try to work out what else it could be why your nor comfortable being in your own skin)

DP is often half naked. He sits round in boxers or joggers. He is however a young athletic mixed race man with a six pack i am jealous of this as its more genetics than hard work at the gym

And I scuffle about in pj's or loose t-shirts nd leggings with messy bed hair hiding my mum tum.

We are comfortableannd would never dreamed of telling each other to cover up or smarten up inside the house. We did however have to have a conversation about nakedness in the garden and I did need to tell dp that this may offend the neighbours.

Personally we both stay dressed once we're up and if we're wandering about the house on a weekend morning to make breakfast then we're in dressing gowns. Neither of us own jogging pants or vest type tops, so we're fully dressed until we go to bed.

Mind, I have just bought some slouchy pants for when DP is working away and I'm home alone! I wouldn't wear them when he's home though. No particular reason why - I just wouldn't.

My DH is always super warm even if it's freezing cold and always strips to his boxers at home. Since we had our DD (now 2) he covers up with a t shirt and sports shorts but when she's gone to bed it's just shorts again. It really bothered me but to be honest if he's comfy and happy then I'm ok with it now and he always has a tshirt or dressing gown handy in case of unexpected knocks at the door

I don't understand the t-shirt thing. What's stopping it from falling down over his belly when he sits or stands up?

DH used to walk in through the front door and take his trousers off. It's was like how he relaxed - by shedding his trousers. It also meant he was never on front door duty to our lunatic neighbour.

Now he comes in and puts his pyjamas on, as do I frequently. We spend all day suited and booted - we want to relax in our own home!

Yeah especially in summer. We are in the med and my husband lies around in his boxers. He goes out in the garden in them too. I despair.

I think men just don't like wearing clothes.

However it doesn't bother me one bit as if it's warm enough I prefer no clothes too.

What's stopping it from falling down over his belly when he sits or stands up
Er, his belly...

BrandNew, it's genuinely not about prudishness though. I can see you probably let your hair down a bit more than me but I'm not embarrassed by nakedness; have happily been on nudist beaches, in mixed saunas, had a group of medical students looking up my fanny, without a blush; I'm not bothered by nakedness in the home. In fact I'd rather see a man naked than dressed in a baggy vest.

It's more about showing your partner that you want to look at least a bit nice for them, because you care what they think.

So, for example, when completely alone, I will (shock horror) pick my nose, fart so loudly it makes the dog jump, have long, sometimes sweary conversations with the dog or computer, rinse my period-stained pants in the sink, and sing along very loudly to Rick Astley on the radio. However, when other people are around I refrain from doing some of these things, even though that is technically "being myself"!

So his belly is like a pot belly that can hold his vest up?

I get your disgust now.