Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H is leaving his gf

45 replies

sykes · 20/05/2004 12:28

My h is leaving his gf this evening - he's said he's doing this before and has failed to do so. However, I actually believe him this time - mind you believed him the last time. Maybe I'm rather stupid and naive. BUT, if he does how shall I handle it. Have told him has to live on his own for at least six months, we need to do counselling etc, etc. But any short term advice much appreciated. I've also been seeing someone for the last three months and am making a very confusing issue even more confusing.

OP posts:
mothernature · 20/05/2004 12:30

so sorry sykes...you must be very confused at the moment, wait and see what happens before you do anything...why is he leaving this evening and not now?

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 12:32

HE's at work - is taking the day off tomorrow. He's very good at prevaricating.

OP posts:
Twinkie · 20/05/2004 12:37

Sykes - I think maybe I would not make any plans with reagrd him or your new friend - just let things go along as they have until you really know what you want to do - your H must be big enough to realise that yuo are having alife at the moment and he needs to show some commitment and give you some time.

Good luck - you are the one in charge now love XXX

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 12:40

I know - but I'm crap at making decisions anyway. The only decision I ever take is not really to make a decision. But thanks.

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/05/2004 12:43

Keep seeing your new friend, and don't let h persuade you to end it. Wait and see how things go, this is your chance to get things how you want them. Keep all options open , and you will come to a natural decision when the time feels right for YOU.

Good luck.

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 12:45

But not sure if I want to carry on seeing my new friend. Am starting to feel a bit sick - it's all ridiculous.

OP posts:
sobernow · 20/05/2004 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 12:50

It's really just a fling - well that's how it started. I really can't imagine it would go desperately far and have been quite clear from the start - ie, no contact with my girls or anything. He sort of knows my h MIGHT want to come back and bangs on about me taking my wedding rings off etc. But he's younger than me and is v attractive and tall and flirtatious - ie, I don't trust him really. But after my h is that surprising. However, I know deep down it's not long term it's just deciding when it ends. Sorry.

OP posts:
feezy · 20/05/2004 13:05

does your h know about your fling ?

fairyfly · 20/05/2004 13:06

I love these posts Sykes, stop putting pressure on yourself to make a decision. I totally agree with sobernow, lou and twinkie. let nature just take it's cause and carry on with what you are doing. Something will give when ever in life does it not. Treat H the same, and over time you will see where your heart and head are going with that one.

aloha · 20/05/2004 13:09

Agree with everyone. Carry on - if you want to - with your new bloke, but knock it on the head if you think it will make you happier, not because of your H. As for the rest, see how it goes. Remember, you don't have to make a decision just because your H has - he's not the boss of you now
Good luck. And good for you with your sexy toyboy!

Piffleoffagus · 20/05/2004 13:11

Sykes, think you have hit the nail on the head, he needs to show you he can be apart from her and make the break, if he does it for himself rather than for you, he needs to be in control, he sounds like he doesn;t know what he wants nor how to get it...
And this must be so hard for you honey, follow your head initially and then your heart when the time comes for a decision.

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 13:12

Thanks, am aware that my posts read as if I'm mentally unstable and after my little exhibition on Saturday evening a lot of people probably think I am, or maybe just a twat. Oh, God, have bored five friends on the phone now. And am boring myself. Right off to Wagamama. Thanks for the input. Will do nothing - that's what I'm best at.

OP posts:
Pes · 20/05/2004 13:14

Hi Sykes - hope you don't mind unknown mner joining in. Sorry about your predicament
Totally agree with otherposts here.
Don't bother thinking about what will happen in the longer term, just try to enjoy yourself doing the things that you want to do. If you wnat do carry on spending time with new friend then do - you have obviously been honest about your situation. You don't owe anything else. Put you energy into doing things that make you happy(er?) absolutely no need to make any decisions until you are ready
Very best of luck

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 13:17

thanks, Pes, please feel free to join in - bollocks bf is on the phone.

OP posts:
aloha · 20/05/2004 13:20

Have a nice lunch

Fio2 · 20/05/2004 13:24

agree with everyone else sykes, play it cool, it is not a decision that has to be rushed. You dont sound mentally unstable at all ()

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 13:37

Thanks, Fio - I'm having hot chilli prawns - they do takeaways. Yum. It was very bizarre I was posting about my friend and he called .... should I have told him - think he might think I'm mentally unstable?

OP posts:
fairyfly · 20/05/2004 13:43

why are you mentally unstable, your husband left and now wants you back, that is mentally unstable, all you have done is had fun and started seeing someone else, it's normal

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 13:44

Thanks, FF, just think my posts read rather oddly. I'll just be odd.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 20/05/2004 13:48

I dont think you are odd either but I am odd. Totally agree with FF aswell, he sounds a loon. He isnt really expecting to pick up where he left off is he?

Janstar · 20/05/2004 13:52

Don't worry, Sykes, we're used to you!

I agree with everyone, relax, it is time h learned how it feels to be the one wondering if he can win you back.

Stick to your guns with this 6 month thing. It's an experience he sorely needs if he is ever going to grow up.

Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 13:53

Don't think so, Fio. He knows there's massses of stuff to work through if, indeed, we do work through it. However, I do want to come out of this as friends for the girls' sakes.

OP posts:
Original poster
sykes · 20/05/2004 13:58

Thanks, Janstar - do realise you're used to me by now. Will be going over to Hertford PROBABLY w/end of 5/6 June - maybe we could try to meet up again?

OP posts:
Pes · 20/05/2004 14:07

Sykes, you don't sound in the least bit mentally unstable, you sound like someone who is dealing very well with a horrible situation, and are clearly a very caring mum.
Agree with others re sticking to your guns - IMHO, you are unlikely to regret giving it all time, but you might very well regret letting h back into your life before you are ready.
BTW does toyboy have a friend