Court tomorrow

[ConfusedNoMore]

Hello

I don't know if anyone remembers my posts. I was ConfusedNc. Posted a lot over last couple of years.

EA stbxh ended marriage in 2014. Changed the locks. Made me and ds homeless. This was in middle of most stressful job interview, but I miraculously managed to get job .

X has been the most amazingly narcissistic bully and frankly, idiot. Tomorrow I finally see him in court.

All feels bit surreal.

Just after a bit of a last hurrah before battle from anyone who remembers me. Wellwhoknew was going through it around same time everything kicked off for me. I am hoping to channel her and the formidiblemrsc and all of you women fucked over by a selfish lying manchild, and stand up for myself and my boy. Wwk was just an inspiration in her court case.

Lots of you helped me figure my head out in my darkest times. I'm doing OK but hope I'm ready for what's about to happen. Thanks if you've read this far. Sorry if I'm being a bit self indulgent.

Feels like the calm before the storm.

It'll be fine. You'll be fine. Good luck!

Wasn't fine. Was really shit. Will be back with later

So because we're not wealthy and ex (unhinged thunder cunt) has hidden all assets, and has planned my destruction for years, judge took a view based purely on equity in house.

Apparently my needs argument didn't hold much sway so ex gets to stay in the fmh that he locked me and our young son out of, for the measly sum of £23k. Judge said the offer I made would be unfair to poor UTC.

So my barrister tried his best but with me having been kneecapped by the judge, UTC was buoyant. I get 23k and a table. He keeps the rest. Oh and for good measure he stated he put some of my sentimental items in a skip.

I cried in the negotiating area. I had my back to him but he would know. UTC does enjoy my despair you see.

So he has 60 days or whatever to come up with the money or it goes on the market. Then I have the fun of how the fuck do I sell it with him in it?!

The law does not care about women. Maybe if there's enough money to make it interesting but my judge, judged it was a pitence not worth much consideration.

UTC collects DS for contact tomorrow.

He's broken me again.

Oh Confused i have just read your update on this thread and wanted to say i am so sorry to hear that you have had such a horriffic day.

Your ex is such a complete bastard.

Please don't let him and his unforgivable actions break you.

I wish that there was something i could say to make you feel better.

treble and large box of tissues.

How old is your dc? What's the approx market value of the house, much equity is in it and how much do your reckon the hidden assets come to?

UTC may have managed to put one over on a judge and he may have managed to wound you, but he hasn't broken you because you're worth far more than all the money in the world and you'll always have the memories that are associated with those material possessions you've loved and lost.

Thanks. Goddess...DS is 4.

I've been conned with the house. Valued at 132k which was lowest of 3 valuations because he led me to believe he couldn't buy me out and until v recently thought I'd get fmh back. (Turned out I couldn't go back there because he's been up to some unsavoury activities which place the address at risk. Can't really say more). The house needs substantial work so I accepted lower value knowing I'd have to spend a lot of money on it.

Mortgage around 100k left. So result means he gets lovely fmh with drives, garage, 3 beds and I'll struggle to get 2 bed that is not ex council house in dodgy area for same.
The value of assets I believe he has hidden would be about 25k worth. 15 of that were assets put into his business which he changed to a Ltd company 3 days after my financial application. I can't prove the other 10k.

Judge simply ignored all of that.

I am now dreading child arrangements. If ex ends up with more contact then I don't know what I'll do.

I wish I understood how to fight dirty. I've been absolutely walked all over. Don't understand why I spent 1000s on legal bills, raking through paperwork for it all to be ignored.

That doesn't sound fair, even if the hidden assets are ignored. Is your child mainly with you or 50:50? I don't get why you wouldn't come away with more if you have dc. Do you think ex will come up with the money?

DS with me most of time. Ex pays csm based on eow.

So you only got 50:50 of the equity in the (undervalued) house and nothing else?

Is he working now as obviously the child maintenance is dependent on that?

Well no, not sure of the % but I get 23k he gets 8k. But IMO he should not have had anything. He's taken everything from me already.

I knew that I wouldn't get much more than that but I was totally blindsided by how much the judged sided with UTC.

I watched suffragette recently. I don't think we've come far at all. We get tokens but if I didn't have my dad's money to bring it to court, I'd have literally nothing.

I've spent 1000s to get to this point. It was my own money that paid the deposit on the house in the first place so I've basically got that back minus costs.

He's kept all the furniture bar a hard fought for table. The court doesn't care.

He is self employed having quit his job.

So he got approximately 1/3 which is what my ex got too.

No it doesn't sound fair bearing in mind you paid the deposit.

You could have agreed that and saved yourself the legal fees so I understand how you feel.

Well sadly no we couldn't agree anything based on fact he actually thought he could just have the house and I should just go away. He never made any attempt to offer anything or have sensible discussion until I took him to court.

Confused :( no it isn't fair. The whole system isn't fair.

I think you may need to let yourself feel angry for a bit. Shout if you need to. Let it out.

It's not fair and he is a thunder cunt and you are not!

But (and I don't want to do a but, because then the focus is on what comes after, and the bit before is essential too, but...) he is still a thunder cunt and you get to be you.

You get to be lovely and kind and great. You get to never live with him ever again. You get to be an amazing mother to ds, and support and love him, and for him to know that you are always there.

He gets to live with his useless, nasty self for ever and ever and ever. He has to be him. He has to be the bitter, vile person who is only happy when he's upset you. What a complete loser he is.

This is the bad bit. This is the bit when you have accept injustice and walk away. It will get better. It won't sting as much. You will be able to move onwards and upwards, and you will.

But for now you have every right to feel angry, so do. Just for now. There is happiness on its way. This is just the final ripping off of the plaster before you get to fully heal.

for lovely you.

In that case, you did get more than you would have done and that in itself is a victory. If he thought he could have everything, well he was wrong so hold on to that.

Chris you just made me cry. Thank you so much for kind words.

You're right. When I've had a bit of time I'll feel OK. I've got through so much already, I am coming out of a long dark tunnel. My son is an absolute sunbeam. I am so grateful for my amazing friends and great job with lovely supportive colleagues.

It feels so good to just shut my front door on ex and know I have sanctuary. I used to go to bed to sleep just to find peace from his abuse. Thank God I'm free of him (almost).

Thank you BeLike .yes I have to find the positives. X

Print out what chris has said, he has lived up to his Thunder Cunt name and he will have to live being his cuntish self, you get to be the lovely you and you will get through it despite it may not feel this way at the moment. It's easter so even though early save these hot later 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

Sorry for making you cry, confused. But it's all true.

With all that support, you've got a lot of joy ahead of you. There will be ups and downs, but once the legal bits are over you'll have a lot more ups and the downs will get smaller and smaller and smaller.

You will never need to hide away again :) your whole life will be peaceful (or as peaceful as DC ever let life be :o )

Huge hugs, it's not fair and he is an utter bastard but you are free, totally free.

I really hope his alternate activities bite him on the bum massively. When I read what he'd been up to I wanted to vomit tbh

hi Confused sorry you didn't have a perfect day. In time, when you look back, this is the last horrendous day in a very bad chapter of your life called your first marriage.

The future is you and your little sunbeam.

His future will always involve him being a fuckwit.

I'm sorry to hear what has happened.

The only thing I can assure you is that one day you will look back without regret or remorse and know that your life is so much happier than it was.

Don't let the bastardised bring you down. Houses do sell, trust me. One word of advice. Sell as cheap as you can inorder to move on with your life. Don't hold out for an extra few thousand it really isn't worth it.

Confused I chickened out and settled before it went to court (against advice of everyone, solicitor, parents, friends and family). The practically whole of the deposit for the house was from me (60k) and 5k from him and our agreement was we would get back our deposits and then split the rest of the profit. He decided he didn't want to do this and mounted a devious campaign. The stress just got to me and I caved in, so he got half of everything.

He was and still is a devious lying bastard. But I have not seen him, spoke to him, communicated in any way since that day and my life is infinitely better.

As much as it grieves you now, you will come out the other side (and he will still be a bastard).

Hep ..sorry you felt you had to do that but your pragmatism is something I can understand. It's easy for others to have fighting talk and I get their anger, but that's what came in my head when I reasoned for a few minutes before saying yes on Thursda. That the positive effects of sorting this now outweigh any benefit of fighting on.

I don't understand how to fight dirty and it isn't me. The most important thing is to find peace and move forwards.

I am lucky that I will be OK because of my parents and friends. And in no small part to words of support from wonderful mnetters