Affair over?

[allymcbeal1]

hi - I have fallen for another man. Marriage sexless since the beginning, one child by ivf and found out husband had been using escorts. other man swept me off my feet and i fell fallen madly in love. we made plans for the future (he is single) (had a 3 month affair - am shocked that I did it) and he said in November we couldn't meet again until i was free and things needed to be in the proper order. OM said he wanted to see me the relationship with the OM gave me the impetus to file for divorce but i texted OM before xmas to say I am now separated and divorce progressing and not heard anything!! suspect I am being really silly here but is the OM gone for good or is he waiting until i am really free i.e. divorced. any advice/common sense needed please!

Sorry to say but it sounds like he was using the fact that you are married as an excuse to ditch you.

The good news is you are now separated so you are free to date who you want.

He might have met someone else.

Thanks ladies. Feel so hurt as fell madly in love! And still am! Be careful with your hearts!

ally, I would not "give my heart" to a bloke happy to shag a married woman and plan a "future" with him after 3 months

it looks like he sharked out a vulnerable woman and used you, I am afraid

I am sorry your husband turned out to be a complete cock, but I don't think your "boyfriend" is any better, tbh

It wasn't a physical relationship but agree with you...!

At least now you are out of the marriage and free to find an nicer relationship

ok, no shagging

not sure that's any better, tbh

you might as well have done (at least you would have some more good memories of it)

what is happening with your sex industry-using husband ?

My husband wants to give things another go and there are a lot of financial issues to sort. Am confused and I know what you've said it was only 3 months but I did fall hard and still trying to get over it! X

I am just shocked at the other mans behaviour or maybe I am naive which is possible as have been isolated from the dating world for 20 years!

I would be more shocked at your husband's behaviour

He owed you loyalty

The other dickhead didn't make any vows to you

My advice is to fuck both of them off permanently and stay away from men until you have built up your defences again, love

That's the conclusion I have come to too! I deserve so much better.
This is my first posting on mumsnet and glad I am getting some hard hitting views!! Keep them coming!

You said you texted him, have you considered calling him instead? I would have thought something as big as this would merit a phone call at least.

Hi Florene, I did leave a message on his phone also!

If his intentions were honourable it wouldn't have mattered how I go in touch...

Thank Florene. I like you have a son - he is 4
and the light of my life! It will be worse financially but I would rather be alone than with someone who treated me badly. The OM is a dickhead! He even told me that his previous girlfriend ended it by calling him a dickhead!!!. That's another term I never heard til recently! It will be scary going it alone but I have a good job and a lot going for me so deep done know I will be fine. And the good thing is have learned a lot from the OM situation so wknt make the same mistakes again!! X

This should have said hi 'vocational goat'!

Sounds like you have a lot going for you

Don't look for your validation is crappy men

*in

You should be focussing on the fact that you were willing to stay in a sexless marriage with a man who cheats rather than worrying an on

Take some time out of relationships, make sure yours D's is okay and then work on yourself

Thanks for the advice. I have gone through all emotions from thinking I did something wrong (in both cases) to knowing deep down that I deserve better as have always worked hard and tried to be a good person. But know now that uf you don't value yourself no one else will!

I think your OM was a result of OH seeing escorts, how do feel about what OH did or don't you care anymore which would be a good thing. Very hard to get over I would thnk.

In a way feel less upset about escorts than by his comment that he never loved me unconditionally or trusted me. He never had a reason not to trust me apart from last few months when I was vulnerable and as other fucker said was somewhat taken advantage of by OM who said he loved me etc and all the things I wanted to hear...

OMG he said he didn't trust you. What a dick of course he did. He's projecting big time, Don't fall for that bullshit.
in the end you did cheat but never let him know that. His escorting probably goes way back.

And you would listen to the word of a man who uses escorts ?

Fuck that shit