Affair over?

[allymcbeal1]

hi - I have fallen for another man. Marriage sexless since the beginning, one child by ivf and found out husband had been using escorts. other man swept me off my feet and i fell fallen madly in love. we made plans for the future (he is single) (had a 3 month affair - am shocked that I did it) and he said in November we couldn't meet again until i was free and things needed to be in the proper order. OM said he wanted to see me the relationship with the OM gave me the impetus to file for divorce but i texted OM before xmas to say I am now separated and divorce progressing and not heard anything!! suspect I am being really silly here but is the OM gone for good or is he waiting until i am really free i.e. divorced. any advice/common sense needed please!

Agree smallfry!

Well said!

While I have no wish to defend your wankbadger of a husband in ANY way, his use of escorts is suggestive of someone who has major issues with trust and intimacy. Sex with a sex worker is transactional and generally without emotional intimacy and he will have felt in control of the situation.

So when he said "I have never trusted you" it's not about "I didn't trust you not to shag someone else" it's more "I didn't trust you (or anyone) enough to be able to make myself emotionally vulnerable to you".

That's not a reflection on you. It's him being unable to form meaningful emotional connections.

Again, I'm in no way defending him, he's been an utter prick!

I'm sorry this OM has also given you the runaround, he also sounds like a twat. Take some time now and just concentrate on you and your little man. You will be okay. You sound strong and focussed.

Hope you're ok. Put OM out of your mind as well as you can.You are now free hopefully of those idiots who don't deserve you.
Look after yourself first from now on. do not have any concern about anything you have done. Your xdp isn't right in the head. Vow to enjoy being the good person you are.

Thanks - trying to put OM out of my mind but it is hard. He is divorced and brought up his son himself so knows how hard it is. I believed was a good man and knows He struggled with his feelings for a married woman. But it's onwards and upwards now x

It's time just to be on your own for a while, so much of your life has been tied up with relationships that haven't been good, take care of your own happiness