confused by new man

[ella2332]

I am seeing someone who sees to act very cold and distant after every date.

We are only on date 8, but we are sleeping together and we are pretty close as we knew each other a little bit before.

What he does is acts very intense with me most of the time. Lots of texting, lots of calling and attention and all the nice things like a call to say goodnight and a desire to know what I am up to and all of that. I feel like a very high priority.

Then we have a date, and he is always dead keen to see me. He always can't wait and one the day of the date he's texting me a countdown. Dead keen basically.

Then every. single. time. Without fail. Absolutely always right after our dates for two or three days he is really distant!!!

The difference is really noticable.

This goes on for somewhere between two days and a week and then he goes back to normal like nothing happenned.

I know it's a new relaitonship and don't mind giving someone space but I do find it quite odd and also find he inconsistency irritating.

At first I actually thought I was being ghosted it was that diffrent. He acted totally distant after our first date to the point I thought I;d never see him again then a few day ago he told me that it was the best first date of his life and one of his best memories.

Can anyone shed any light?

Does this sound like the relationship?

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-status-quo-a-quick-lesson-in-the-dynamics-of-drama/

Sorry I didn't read that one fully before posting

This one is much better:
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/

That's really insightful Bertie. I'd be very surprised if many women would fess up to being drama seekers though - they would more likely consider themselves insecure/low self esteem etc and that it's the guys responsibility to fix that in them by not being like their ex/all the rest etc and if he fails he's a fuckwit. I have to say my last relationship was like this. My present one is a near 10 all the time through luck and good management I'd say.

Oh no the first one was Bob on Bertie !! Just because it tells women they are responsible too for unhealthy relationships doesn't mean you have to be sorry for posting it.

It sounds like a huge red flag to me.

I also get a sense that he might be love bombing you. Do some reading about red flags and narcissist men.

You should be feeling like a woman who's had 8 dates and amazing sex and clearly great chemistry. Your cheeks should be flowing and you should be absolutely on fire!! Not analysing it in any depth! Right?

But she doesn't, right, because he's a freaky weirdo.

Nothing to do with social media. A countdown to your dates, the whole erection thing, and then no contact until the build up to your next date? mate, he sounds all kind of wrong.

The constant erection is indeed a very weird thing to share about

Reading that "hot and cold" thing...yes it could be any of those.

but we are on date 8. Do I need to worry about that just yet? I mean how can he know if he wnats a relationship yet? I don't even know myself.

I'm 33, so a bit older than him actually.

Bit inexperienced with dating though. I have mainly been in LTRs for most of my life so far. Generally with people I knew first

Just read the other thing on drama levels, and him trying to keep us at a 5.

that sounds about right to be honest! Sounds like exactly what he does.

Get too close...cool it way down and then bring it back up.

Makes perfect sense and it feels that way to me.

Only thing is...it's not making me panic. Was pissed off at first, confused a little now...but it doesn't make me panic. I laregely forget about it and leave him to it.

Bit annoyed about it to be honest rather than panicky.

"offputting" is the word!

Op you are selling yourself short. Also you have permitted this behaviour by seeing him again after several distant spells which are really out of order.
If you must carry on with him then say 'look I find your patterns of communication very alienating and I cannot progress a relationship like this' and see what happens

He's game playing, if he's doing that. If you're not panicky, that's good. Panicky means you're being drawn into his game, being annoyed by it is more emotionally healthy and means you are less drawn in. I think it's a sign you need to dump, though!

He's ignored me all day. Not a peep. And he must have been on whatsapp about 50 times.

I think he might just be a total idiot. It completely makes sense that he is managing me down to a 5 because we got to an 8 and he didn't like it there.

Well....I have news for twat chops...I ain't happy being managed down.

I'm not panicky, just annoyed, put off and think he's a twat.

I can do all the various things like ignoring back, playing hard to get, blowing cold myself - but really - if I wanted to toilet train a child I'd adopt a baby.

I do think I need to dump.

Perhaps have been blown away by sheer chemistry and the fun we have when together (God I have dated so many people and NOT had that) and have cast aside the fact that certain things he does are just unnacceptable for me.

Annoying as there is just so much potential but the man can't ignore me for three days after a date. How dare he?

Suggestions of best way to dump very welcome.

I don't particularly feel like showing much consideration for feelings as none have been shown to mine.

Just ignore him.
He'll ramp it up when he realises you're the one cold on him.

He sounds like an arseholes behaving this way quite deliberately.

Until I got to the end if the thread I was going to add this:

Just dump anyone who gives you ANY bullshit about being scared to get close to you.

Because it IS bullshit, because he has no trouble being all soppy can't wait countdown BEFORE sex.

He's a total bullshitter and has probably read this as a strategy to keep a woman on her toes.

Thats good advice Cabrinha.

Totally ignore him.

He will ramp it up and I wouldn't even bother to explain you are not going to see him again. Just be unavailable / busy.