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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sex - very personal (and embarrassing!!!)

61 replies

quiteembarassing · 19/05/2004 22:02

Um... lol this is quite embarrassing.

Me and dp havent had sex yet (been together 8 months) as I am having trouble (lots of pain!!) so we do all sorts of other things (leave that to your imagination lol)

he always seems to be doing the "giving", and i feel bad as he's doing all the work. any tips (lol) of what i can do (if you're not too embarrassed to give any) as i dont know what he likes and doesnt like

he has told me some things but they're a bit extreme or i dont like doing

OP posts:
Beetroot · 19/05/2004 22:19

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Branster · 19/05/2004 22:19

don't do anything that scares you, quiteembarassing.

Branster · 19/05/2004 22:20
Grin
Branster · 19/05/2004 22:20

do you feel you really, really want him? do you fantasize about different things involving him?

Original poster
quiteembarassing · 19/05/2004 22:21

yea ive started using that and it seems to help a lot, hes gotten in more. i do want to have sex, but at the moment, everytime we try i tense up because i know itll most likely hurt which doesnt help

OP posts:
Branster · 19/05/2004 22:21

deffinetly ask your gp to see a consultant on this. if it hurts it's not good for you. at least to amke sure ther's not a major problem down there. would you like to have more children in the future?

Beetroot · 19/05/2004 22:22

This reply has been deleted

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Branster · 19/05/2004 22:24

have a few drinks beforehand. if he's so understanding, he'll be really gentle with you and you can see how it goes from there. this one is a bit embarrasing but, have you tried a vibrator? i have no idea if they come in different sizes, maybe small to see how it feels?

Branster · 19/05/2004 22:25

Beetroot dear, i kept asking myself whether i should bring this up. So, is he?

Original poster
quiteembarassing · 19/05/2004 22:25

well wot happened, at the birth of dd, i tore 3 times, and the biggest tear was stitched up but caused me pain for a couple of months after, so i saw gp and she said that i had been stitched up tighter than usual which was causing me the pain, and it made me worry cause i was wondering if id ever be able to give birth (the thought of sex hadnt even crossed my mind!). well somehow dp managed to sort that problem out lol, and gp said that i should be okay now. i seem to be better than how i was at the beginning of our relationship as back then it really really hurt, but now its only when we try to have sex, or if he goes too deep

OP posts:
Branster · 19/05/2004 22:26

so i was saying about these drinks, have something just to make you relax a bit, maybe nothing for him to make sure he keeps his cool (as it were)

Original poster
quiteembarassing · 19/05/2004 22:27

havent tried vibrator

it use to be him with the problem as he was nervous and inexperienced etc, but he's gotten past that now, and is usually up for it (no pun intended!!)

OP posts:
Branster · 19/05/2004 22:27

so it's getting better by the sounds of it. still, you should see a specialist in such tears as they would be able to advise you on what is going on there.

Original poster
quiteembarassing · 19/05/2004 22:28

funny enough we went drinking monday night, and well thats when we had a breakthrough with him getting in deeper which he hasnt been able to do before

OP posts:
Original poster
quiteembarassing · 19/05/2004 22:34

i was going to mention it to docs today but i had a different doctor (a bloke) so i was too embarrassed to discuss that with him. i do want to get it sorted as dp did say he hates it when he sees me in pain and feels like he's heavy handed and im not enjoying anything

OP posts:
Branster · 19/05/2004 22:35

yes. take it slowly for your benefit. and see someone about it. difficult to give advice on how to please a man, they're all different and theer are no hard rules about it. lots of touching (with any part of you) and kissing. use those hands. it doesn't sound to me as if you don't know what you're doing. if he keeps coming back for more, it works for him - well, also the promise of full sex . don't worry. if he was dissatisfied you'd know about it. there must be some clean, educational sites about sexuality where they talk about various ways of stimulating your partner. do a google search on , i don't know, sexual positions, or sexual education, see what comes up

Branster · 19/05/2004 22:37

i understand your reluctance to se the male gp, especially as it's a delicate (literarly) area for you. your dp is a sweetie. go to the docs and don't worry about what you are dpoing. i'm sure you're doing all nice things to dp. but don't do anything you don't like.

Original poster
quiteembarassing · 19/05/2004 22:39

thanks to everyone for all your advice

ill try that branster, see what i can find

thanks xx

OP posts:
Branster · 19/05/2004 22:41

going back to those bjs though, only do it if you enjoy doing it. if it makes you feel sick it's not nice. would it help if you did it slower or use your hands on part of it (the lower quarter or half- sorry i didn't mean to be so graphic)? and don't swallow if you really hate it. I think it's a turn off for him if you're not enjoying it, better not to do it.

Branster · 19/05/2004 22:41

night, night quiteembarassing

Original poster
quiteembarassing · 19/05/2004 22:47

i dont swallow, and dp knows im against that. i try to use my hands as well like u said branster, but like i said i just dont know if it makes any difference lol

OP posts:
essbee · 19/05/2004 23:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster
quiteembarassing · 20/05/2004 16:01

Hi all, thanks for all your advice last night. I spoke to dp about it all today, and we're going away next friday so we thought that would be an ideal opportunity to try stuff as there'll be no dd around. hopefully, we can get somewhere as it has been 2 years since i last had sex i feel like a born again virgin lol.

thanks all xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
quiteembarassing · 23/05/2004 00:08

Just thought Id say I went to an ann summer's party tonight, and brought a few things to hopefully help

OP posts:
HelloMama · 23/05/2004 18:48

hi I was just reading your thread. Because GP's are not always that interested in sexual health matters (and often find talking about them as embarrassing as you do...) I think you should go along to your local GUM sexual health clinic. I work in one and we deal with these sort of problems all the time. Some of the bigger clinics even have specialist sub-clinics in which specialist doctors help to sort out issues such as post-childbirth trauma to the vagina. You truly are not alone. The common problem (as you've found) is that painful sex can become a cycle. Sex is painful, so you avoid it, and then when you try again, because you're scared it will hurt, it does... etc. To find out where your nearest GUM clinic is, call NHS Direct on 0845 46 47 or the Family Planning helpline on 0845 310 1334. This can be sorted out and it sounds as if you have a lovely partner, so you're halfway there, but please get some specialist help from someone who knows what you're going through as you have the potential for many years of good sex ahead of you!

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