Frustrated from lack of sex.

[Confrustrated]

Good morning all!

I'm trying to put this across without looking like a selfish ass.

I'm 31 years old, married with 2 children(both boys). I've been married for the past 6 years and generally I love it. My Wife and children mean the world to me.

Being blunt, I LOVE sex and everything that comes with it. I enjoy being with my Wife, trying new things and seeing her receive pleasure from it. I'm very open minded when it comes to sex and happy to try new things, my Wife not so much but I understand that and respect her boundaries.

Now for the past year or possibly 2 there's been a lack of sex and even if we do have it, I'm ALWAYS the one who has to "make the move" or ask for it. It feels pathetic having to ask the Wife for sex(sounds even more pathetic writing it on a forum!).
We've discussed sex in the past and I mentioned that we don't have it very much then for the next week or 2 it changes and we have more sex but then it slips back into where we are now.

This is where it becomes sad, I've been counting the days since we last had sex which was on 19th Dec, I've tried several times and have been met with an excuse every time. Now I feel I just don't want to bother trying any more, I don't want to feel like I'm pressuring someone to have sex. I think my Wife is oblivious to this. She knows I have a high sex drive but just doesn't see the frustration. I've considered talking to a Dr about it? Not sure if they have something that could calm my libido down a bit?

Now don't get me wrong we're both busy people, me being self employed and my Wife working 2 days a week and then looking after the kids the rest of the time. She sorts their schedule, cooks, tidies(we do have a cleaner though who does the house every so often) which I can't argue with as it's also hard work.

I'm guessing there could be a million reasons for it without directly discussing it with her again but just looking for your thoughts on this as I imagine it's a fairly common topic.

Also I want to know If I'm just being selfish to want more sex, on average I would probably get it once every 1-2 weeks. When I do these days it feels like she wants it over with quickly.

Anyway I hope to hear your thoughts!
Thank you.

Maybe she is lonely? Maybe she feels tied to the house? Unable to havr lone time in the day due to the kids, unable to leave on the evenings you are at your hobby.

Your phrasing that you "get it once every 1-2 weeks" is horrible. If you're viewing it like that, you're viewing it as a commodity that she owes you, and that being a subliminal undertone to every conversation you have with her about sex is enough to put anyone off.

Not read replies, sorry. I have a friend in exactly the same position as you. The answer was for her to get a job and feel less like a mum and more like a woman. The workload has to be balanced for her to feel less tired (in the head, not the body) and more like an attractive woman than a frazzled SAHM. If the nice clothes, make up and doing her hair have disappeared, get them back for her purely by making her feel that she is special and wonderful to everyone around her, not just you. Get her back into work and socialising.

You say you can't keep her hands off her...well maybe she's thinking of this as a negative thing...maybe she's feeling a bit like a piece of meat? You admit that you maybe do your hobbies a bit too much, maybe she resents this a bit but doesn't like to say, maybe you could ask her if it bothers her. I know resentment causes a woman to go off sex.
But seriously if there is nothing bothering her I honestly think you're expecting sex too much.

Good point Boobalot, that phrasing wasn't really thought out and pretty vulgar. As mentioned we have had a couple of conversations about sex and to be honest I don't enjoy approaching it as it felt pretty pathetic in the grand scheme of things, even more so after the replies here.

You're spot on moon, when I wrote "I can't keep my hands off her" I did think to myself that it's another thing I should maybe tone down a bit.

It's not pathetic, I wish my DH was up for it more often, it can really affect your self esteem. Do you have access to good babysitters at all? I'm planning a night away in a hotel with DH, a few treatments, nice dinner, etc and just away from the stresses of daily life.

I know that alone won't cure our problems, but some quality time alone with your partner, especially when you're a busy mum, is a godsend now and again and gives you chance to properly talk.

When 2 people get married, normally they are both quite in the honeymoon period and up for sex.

Then sometimes, someone down the line suddenly goes off it.

And the other person (who hasn't changed) is meant to suck it up, for fear of being thought of as a letch.

It's so unfair! Mainly on men! As it's normally the women who lose interest.

Women have babies and juggle all sorts of stuff and the guy is put on the back burner. It's how affairs start.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I just wanted to say, I feel for you. People who tell you to just get on with it, simply don't get what you are going thru.

My man stopped giving me sex two months after my daughter was born. It caused a massive rift and two years down the line I left him. The lack of sex was a big pointer sticking out telling me that all was not okay. He wasn't cheating he just didn't want me any more. I guess I got boring, being all involved with our child or something. I don't know, I suspect he doesn't know either.

As soon as I left he hooked up with an old flame. I was going through the grieving period, living in a skanky flat by myself trying to initiate my daughter into this new double homed life, so I was devastated that he'd try to replace me so quickly. I popped round his for something or other and searched for whatever it was in a drawer - whereupon I found 'herbal viagra' called 'viagrex' and made a blithe comment to him about it. He was like 'yeah gonna see if it works not tried it yet'

I was angry because I thought if he was prepared to try for his new girlfriend why wasn't he able to try for me?

Oh, so now he's got someone exciting in his life but he still needs help with his droopy dick? And if it was an impotence problem why couldn't he share that with me, and perhaps lessen the tension between us after discovering a reason for his lack of desire for me?

Anyway, in a roundabout way the point I'm trying to make is that the lack of sex isn't causing the problem, there's a problem causing the lack of sex. Dig deep for that and put sex out of your mind for a while.

I know someone who was so crazy out of his mind from lack of sex that he slept with someone highly unusual who then accused him of rape, destroyed his family and of course killed any romance between himself and his other half stone dead, and now has it thrown in his face whenever they fall out, which is often, so don't go down that avenue.

I think it's interesting the impossible times stuff. Before children there are no impossible times, once you have young children it's after 9pm only. The same time of day we are knackered and want to go to bed. Some people are worse in the evenings than others, me included. So you can take it that dp is pretending or that with more freedom things would be different.

I'm 29, female and my partner is 28,male. We have no kids. I get rejected often. This morning even. Currently feeling really shit!

Yeah, it does feel shit.

I don't think it's a male or female specific problem.

Are you passionate about anything OP? Like music for example. if a guy tells me how much he loved seeing a certain band or hearing someone play it makes me melt. obviously music can be exchanged for something else if you want. if your wife sees your passio for something else she might sort of absorb your passion through osmosis and get herself riled up? I have never been married though so might not be mucg help

Do you do your hobbies and is your wife still bogged down in the drudgery that is life with small children while you do them?

Is it an equal, mutually respectful partnership? Do you flop on the sofa at the same time or is one of you still folding the laundry?

Life with small kids is hard working, boring and really rather shit. Has your wife lost her identity as a woman, swapping it for motherhood?

Either back off and ride it out. It will change, eventually, or start working on the equilibrium of your marriage is my advice.