Hand holding needed- Dp has been arrested for trying to assault my ds.

[emilybrontescorset]

Hi

I'm still in shock.
Dp has just moved in.
We had been together over 2 years.
Everything seemed perfect.
He began to push me towards enforcing ' rules'
He is a very different type of parent to me.

My kids come first, always have and always will. He knew this from the moment we met.

I thought he was honest with me, told me very personal things etc.

Tonight after a petty row with my teenage ds, he grabbed my ds in a head lock. My dd began screaming and told him to get the hell off him.

He then produced a baseball bat and ran after my ds.

I was in total shock.
The police came and kept myself and the dc in one room.

Dp was arrested .

I have told the police officer that whatever the outcome, he has not to come here.

I've packed his stuff.

Can't believe it.
He was never violent towards me, ever.
His daughter came and told me that he had beat her and her mother.

Wtf!

He must never come near us again.

His daughter never told me before.
I don't blame her though and I've said I'll stay in touch with her.

I agree. Screeching that they will be "traumatised for life" is neither helpful nor accurate. If it's dealt with appropriately there is no reason they will be.

I hope your DS is okay. You handled this amazingly. I can understand it must be a massive shock but abusers are good at hiding until they get their claws in, you're not to blame.

I agree about the baseball bat. Wtf?!

My love, your ex dp did this, not you. Thank god for his dd to tell you about what's happened to her and her DM.

Please don't blame yourself, he set out to con you, that's what abusers have to do to get their victims hooked. For them it's just business.

Support your dc, take care of yourselves and keep him away for ever.

Hope you're feeling less traumatised today.

Hi everyone I've not had any internet access( another story) so been unable to post.
It's been a roller coaster these last few weeks.

I have told him it's over even though it is not an easy decision .

He still thinks I will ' come round'. He has apparently got a place of his own to live.

He told me he just lost control and that he has never ever done anything like thus before.

I resisted the temptation to tell him what his dd had told me at one point I wondered if she had made the whole thing up.

My friend has since told me that she felt he was coming onto her, nothing specific as such just a snide comment he made about me needing to loose weight and then him texting her on her day off to ask if he could call for coffee.

Anyway he was released from the police station the next morning. No previous convictions etc etc. he claims the officer asked him if he wanted to press charges against my dd because she grabbed hold of him to stop him chasing my son with the baseball bat.

Wtf is wrong with people.

I'm a good person and know I don't deserve this.

Onwards and upwards for me

Next time ( if there is one) I'll be on my guard, however much you can be against lunatics like this.

He is lying about the charge on dd. He is trying to make out he has actually done you a favour.

He is a lying violent scum bag. His daughter wouldn't have been lying, why would she? Don't have any contact with this man because look how he wobbled your resolve- even wondering if his own daughter was lying about him breaking her nose even after seeing him chase your SON with a bat!

The fact he was trying to get you to change back to your maiden name was a huge red flag. You keep getting shown them. Do t go near this man again

Coleen you are right.
I just feel so confused.
I was married for a very long time and because of the crap I tolerated from my ex ( no violence etc) I was VUNERABLE.

My dd said that he showed me more love than her dad so I was flattered.
He appeared to be a great guy. I guess him moving in revealed his true colours.

He has posted notes on my car telling me he can't move on and how can I stop loving him. He even accused me of finding someone else.

I have made my decision just need to get through this.

"He told me he just lost control"

Oh well, that's all right then. It could happen to anybody, right? See how he's minimising having assaulted your son? The cocksucker could have bashed his brains in! And probably would have if he hadn't been stopped.

I'm shocked that you've even had a conversation with this bloody thug. Here's hoping that was the last contact you've ever had with him. This is a very, very dangerous man.

Hi OP, have you spoken to the police yourself to find out the truth? (As opposed to the bollocks he told you) Do you have the crime ref number etc? I find it very poor that they haven't followed up with you.

OP, what a horrendous thing to have gone through :(.
Well done to your DD for calling the police, and well done to you for making the decision to get rid of him.
As pocketsaviour says, pls get a crime reference number and ask why the police haven't followed it up with you. Also pls. change the locks.

Op you need to change your thought process on this. Reading your last post your is worrying that your still not seeing this guy for what he is.

You write that even your daughter thinks he loved her more than her own dad. I think he was actually very controlling in very subtle ways that you and your dd was blind too. I seen it when you said he wanted you to change back to your maiden name. This man did not love you in a normal healthy way. He seen you as his property. The minuite something wrong he pysically attacked your son with a weapon. He did not love you or your kids. You should not allow your dd to even think that he did.

The notes on your car are harrasment, he is bombarding you too confuse you and not allow you to think and it's working. He is trying to grind you down.

The accusation that you are seeing someone else is worrying. You know he is violent. This is not a one off. And now he is saying you are seeing some one else. I'm sorry but I'd be on the phone to the police.

Men like this are very dangerous. Be very careful

He has posted notes on my car telling me he can't move on and how can I stop loving him. - controlling, harassment, manipulation, bullying and emotional blackmail. Don't fall for it; if it continues, get the police involved (again)

He even accused me of finding someone else. - they all do. They ALL do that. He cannot imagine that you would not want to be with wonderfull HIM that there must of course be someone else. Again, if it continues, get the police involved.

So he reckons the Police think he can raise charges against your DD for trying to stop the assualt on your ds?

And you are actually considering that his own dd was lying about the assault on her?

Surely, the most likely case is that he is actually the controlling, violent bastard that he has shown you he is?

Please stay strong OP.

Please don't convey your confusion to your son. He will feel utterly betrayed. Time to snap out of it, if possible.

I have ended the relationship.

I still think of him although I do not say anything to the dcs.

I keep checking they are alright.
I have explained the situation to couple of close friends.
They are 100% behind my decision to end it.
We are meeting up this week.
They are horrified at what has happened and keep reassuring me that everything will turn out fine.

My ex knew my feelings about violent men /women , I have no tolerance for it and I don't believe that people change.
I don't mean to offend anyone here.

He hasn't contacted me lately but I have a feeling he will.

I hope anyone going through anything similar can stay strong and get rid too.

I am still upset and wonder where the hell am I going wrong but hey ho.

Stay strong OP. Please reassure your dd that she did the right thing, totally. And your ds that he did nothing wrong.

I'm glad you have told people in RL - He sounds horrific.

I am assuming the 'crap' you tolerated was to do with domestic abuse from your ex. i.e. emotional abuse, financial abuse, verbal abuse, gaslighting, stonewalling?
If so, did you do the Freedom Programme?
If not then please contact Womens Aid and sign up to do it asap.
This will help you with future relationships.
Well done and keep going. You are doing great.

Just wanted to post to give you . Stay strong - others have said it better but the minimising, threats (over DD) and notes are all the same bullying behaviour.

You are well rid of. His daughter was telling the truth. Believe her. Believe yourself. Don't believe his lies.

I would contact 101 to ask advice about harrassment and stalking - he's not going to let go of your easily and he sounds unhinged.

Thankfully, he has revealed his true colours quickly (before you married him), unfortunately your family has suffered at his hands.

It sounds like he has shown no remorse. It's probable his DD is telling the truth, and didn't mention anything before because she thought he might be different with you or that he would be angry with her for telling you the truth.

How old is his DD? Could you speak to the police about her safety? Does she live with her mum? He should not have access to her if he is violent (and she said he has broken her nose in the past).

Agree with Mamia, please keep a record of notes, texts, anything. xx