Hand holding needed- Dp has been arrested for trying to assault my ds.

[emilybrontescorset]

Hi

I'm still in shock.
Dp has just moved in.
We had been together over 2 years.
Everything seemed perfect.
He began to push me towards enforcing ' rules'
He is a very different type of parent to me.

My kids come first, always have and always will. He knew this from the moment we met.

I thought he was honest with me, told me very personal things etc.

Tonight after a petty row with my teenage ds, he grabbed my ds in a head lock. My dd began screaming and told him to get the hell off him.

He then produced a baseball bat and ran after my ds.

I was in total shock.
The police came and kept myself and the dc in one room.

Dp was arrested .

I have told the police officer that whatever the outcome, he has not to come here.

I've packed his stuff.

Can't believe it.
He was never violent towards me, ever.
His daughter came and told me that he had beat her and her mother.

Wtf!

He must never come near us again.

His daughter never told me before.
I don't blame her though and I've said I'll stay in touch with her.

If this is the second time that he's beaten people then I'd be hoping for a prosecution. Do the police know about him beating his DD and his ex? He sounds dangerous.

He broke his own daughters nose

It will be yet another travesty of justice if he gets a slap on the wrist caution for assaulting your ds and is let out in the early hours.

Depending on the ages of your dc you may get a call from SS which will be nothing to worry about as you are clearly determined that this violent tosser won't be crossing your threshold again.

Fwiw, if you/your dc are required to give evidence in a court of law you will be allocated a support worker who will be able to talk you through the process and provide the necessary reassurances that he's the one that will be judged and none of you have done anything to be ashamed of - in fact, you should be extremely proud of your dc and yourself.

So sorry to hear this.

I just wanted to add that you might want to watch out for signs of PTSD etc. in your DS (and even in yourself or your DD). it is a horrible shock to the system to find yourself or your children under attack in your own home. It could potentially trigger a traumatic response from PTSD through to depression and other illness.

Obviously I hope that doesn't happen to any of you but be prepared.

Just to say, what others have said, what a horrible thing to happen, but how impressive that you are being so strong and clear minded, not making excuses for your DP and acting to protect yourself and your children.
Strength for the days ahead.

I think you should make it clear to your DS that you will back him 100% if he decides to go to court. Don't leave the decision about this on his shoulders or give him any impression that he will be on his own or putting you in any danger by deciding to proceed.

The worst thing you could do is seem to be running scared from this man. So the talk of being afraid of antagonising him needs to end and I really urge you to be ready and willing to go to court with this.

Any other response on your part will be interpreted as weakness by him and he will try his luck again.

to you all.

If he has a key on him, it will have been taken by the police if he is in custody. Could you ask for it back I wonder? If not then change your locks asap.

Just want to add to everyone else's view that you've done the right thing. Hope you and your dc are ok.

Please please if it goes to court support your DS to go ahead and be a witness. If he gets convicted it could save someone else in the future.

My DSS1 moved out of his mums after a violent altercation with her DP, he was quite badly hurt (although he was 18 and fought back apparently). She persuaded him not to press charges.

6 months later he attacked DSS2, who was 14 at the time, pushed him down the stairs and hit him several times. DS2 spent his birthday in hospital (thankfully nothing broken, just battered and traumatised) and her DP fled to his parents about 100 miles away - DSS2's bloody mother was on the phone to the arsehole in the hospital carpark DH snatched her phone off her and stamped on it, I had to physically restrain him from going after her DP.

14 years later DSS1 still blames himself for what happened to his brother. DSS2 had to come and live with us because his mum took the cunt back and married him. He was, as you can imagine, a very difficult teenager and for a while a very angry young man. It's taken years for him to get past what we all (except her) saw as his mum's betrayal. They have rebuilt a relationship of sorts but she continues to minimise what happened and refsed to participate in DSS2's therapy sessions.

I always got on well with DH's ex but I haven't spoken to her since the day she let that thug back into her house. You'll not be surprised to hear that he has since beaten her on a couple of occasions too.

So well done OP, I am so glad you are standing by your kids. But please please don't sweep this under the carpet and let him get away with it - his next target might not be so lucky.

With the exception of illegal possessions/substances, all items removed from an arrested person/suspect have to be accounted for and returned to them when they are released from custody and the police have no power to confiscate an individual's house key(s).

Changing a lock is a simple job for which there are numerous youtube and other online guides available and if it only involves buying a new barrel it's not a costly exercise.

I agree with math. Don't worry about anything you/your dc say or do antagonising the twunt as bullies like him are always cowards at heart. Stand strong and don't be afraid to face him down by calling the police and having him removed if he should appear on your doorstep.

If it should go to court he will be told in no uncertain terms to make no contact with you and yours either directly or through a third party.

I hope that the dawning of this new day will harden your resolve and that none of you will fall for any attempt he may make to portray himself as a deeply remorseful 'broken man' who's learned his lesson and will never ever transgress again, because that's the stuff of fairy tales and he won't mean a word of it. Violent behaviour is ingrained in him and, given half a chance, he'll continue to physically attack and abuse those who are weaker than him.

Can you request an emergency restraining order tomorrow to keep him away? The police should be able to tell you that.

Please get your locks changed. A friend done mine recently, by changing the barrel rather than the whole lock. It cost next to nothing. Good luck x

If you want advice on obtaining an injunction known as a non-molestation order to prohibit him coming within a specified distance of you, your dc, and your home, or other precautions that can be taken to protect you all, have a chat with Women's Aid www.womensaid.org.uk

I would also suggest that you put your df in charge of ex-p's possessions and let him handle negotiations for their collection or removal to another address.

OP, what a horrible experience, I am so sorry!

Don't worry about 'what to tell people', tell them the truth! If you just say 'it didn't work out ' you are denying the experience your DS had and demonstrating to DS and Dd that being a victim of violence is something to feel ashamed about . It isn't!

A baseball bat ! your DS could have been killed!

I would want to see him charged.

Than goodness he is out of your lives. Great work by your Dd being so quick thinking .

Please don't discourage your ds from giving evidence/pressing charges. He's not a child, and this bastard needs to have consequences.

Just

You've done the "hard" decision. You know he can't come back. You're kids know they are your priority. Bloody well done.

I don't know how old is your son, but you cannot let him decide whether to go to court or not. It is too big a decision for a child, even if he us a teenager.

He must be terrified and having to take that decision just adds further stress (and future guilt) to the way he feels.

You are the adult here, talk to your son and take that decision yourself,
I understand that you want him out if the picture asap without rocking the boat further (I know it us terrifying), but you need to consider all the options to keep him out of the picture permanently.

agree with Tiger - you need to support your son to do the right thing.

I understand that feeling of not wanting to tell anyone in RL, because you feel so stupid for not seeing it yourself, but in reality, no-one thinks that. If you take him back and choose him over your kids, that is the point at which people think you must have rocks for brains.

Anyone who has got away from any kind of abusive partner will tell you the same thing. You feel so thick for not spotting it, or ignoring signs or whatever. And the more we think we are strong independent women the more it takes us to admit that we have been had.

Wow - only just moved in and he showed his true colours.
That's (weirdly) a good thing.
You can get him out of your life now before he got his feet too far under the table.
You certainly have your head screwed on.
So glad you are protecting the DC.
Well done.
Just get some advice from the police on next steps to keep him away.
Can you tell close family so they know so they can help you if necessary.
Hopefully, he'll be upset and angry and ashamed he did this so early on and just stay away - but you never know.

Where the hell did this "baseball bat" come from, was it there or was it his that's to say he bought it with him? If so was this what it was for?

Grade A wierdo and head case this one.

Are you OK OP?.

Are you in the UK, emily? Because I agree that a baseball bat is an odd thing to have just lying around. It smacks of premeditation to me.

(Obviously it's possible he is a keen baseball player. Just seems unlikely.)

Tragic for your dd to witness an attack which could easiy have killed or brain damaged her brother and to have been left to take control by calling the police herself.

You owe it to your dd to press charges op, think of her needs! She is going to be traumatised for life by this, as is your son and the best thing you can do is to press charges.

What a desperate shame his violence was covered up so well by his own family members.

Well done you have do e the right thing.

If handled well they will not be traumatised for life. Kids are very resilient.