Would you be annoyed?

[TiredMummy2015]

I've had a hard day with a 6 week old baby and a toddler who has done everything they've been asked not to! DH fully aware and had been told that I was eagerly awaiting his return from work.

Despite this he went to the pub this afternoon ( he has a job where "meetings" can be held in the pub). He didn't leave the pub until about twenty minutes after his usual finish time. He called during his commute home and we agreed he would collect a takeaway. He called again an hour later when he got off the train to say he was on his way to get our food. So I got the toddler bathed etc.

Almost an hour later he text to say he was waiting for the food and would be back soon! Turns out he had taken himself off to the pub to watch the end of s football game! This was never mentioned and I was expecting him to be about half an hour max after he got off the train. I was furious when he got in.... Crashing around because he was clearly trying to make out he was less drunk than he was. I had to put the toddler to bed ( DH didn't even come and say hello to him so he was crying). When I went back down he had dished up - 2 plates of what he had got from the takeaway and nothing that I had requested! He tried to say they didn't sell what I asked for, which is rubbish. He had just not ordered it for whatever reason. He has form for completely forgetting or disregarding things when he has drunk too much.

I have lost it with him big time and am now upstairs with the baby. Am I unreasonable or is he the selfish, inconsiderate prick I told him he was?

He came home from work and tried to act like things were normal. I told him I had nothing to say to him and he spent the rest of the evening upstairs. He did put the toddler to bed but I've been left dealing with the baby. So I've had not a seconds break today, even ate my dinner while jiggling her bouncy chair with my legs!

I don't have the energy to discuss anything with him. It's the scattering of my dads ashes this weekend and I'm feeling very emotional about it.

Oh OP. Right now just think of yourself, and this weekend. Don't use any more mental energy on your dh.

Next week start pondering the finances and his it might look to go it alone. And next week also please make it a task, if you can, to confide in someone IRL - a good friend? This shit that your husband is putting you through - it's not your fault.

You don't have to try and fix this man. He's and adult and adults look after themselves.

Are you seeing family this weekend? If so I hope they will be if done comfort.

Sorry about your Dad

After this weekend I think you should leave your partner. I think that deep down you've known for a while that you'd have to leave him eventually.

You can do it - rally some real life support and you will be ok.

He wouldn't agree to counselling. He doesn't want people knowing his business.

Yes, mustn't lose face at any cost. The only problem he thinks he has is a nagging DW. Rather than, what does he think drinking solves, boredom? social anxiety? fitting in with others? stress? How will he explain it to everyone if you leave him because of his attitude?

Dealing with such a bereavement is never easy and around the same time as having your baby it must be immensely hard, .

He would hate to lose face. He would tell people we grew apart or some other lie.

Still no apology or acknowledgment that anything is up. I've not spoken to him and left the room if he enters. Ignored his texts and rejected his calls. I just wish he would disappear.

If he makes out you are overreacting or making something out of nothing then ask him why did he not tell you? If I was struggling at home with kids and DP texted to say he was going out would be back at this time etc. then I wouldn't be thrilled but once in a while fair enough. Not telling you, coming home obviously drunk and not getting you food he just made a complete mess of things, you are not overreacting.

He says he went to the pub while waiting for the Chinese.... But the pub is not in the same street. The Chinese would have taken 10-15 minutes max so why would anybody think to walk to a pub to wait? He really does think I'm stupid!

We have still not spoken at all. Except he text to ask if I wanted him to take me to my dads ceremony and I said no. I will go alone. My dad was a lovely man and would be disgusted by my husbands behaviour.

Next week I need to find myself a solicitor. The free half hour thing is a bit of a fallacy I think. Certainly not found one local to me that offers it.

Oh dear, the atmosphere in your house sounds exactly like it was in mine when me and ExH were in the tail end of our relationship. Silent treatment, tension, drinking, it was horrible. The night I threw him out he did something truly disgusting which meant there was no going back and as awful as it was I was relieved it was over.

You have my complete sympathy here, I had no kids so this must be a thousand times harder for you but you know what you need to do.

& hugs

You have your head screwed on OP. You will do what you need to do. So sad for your loss

The atmosphere is horrendous. It's making me feel anxious. I need to ask him to find somewhere to go but it will open the floodgates and I cannot face it.