Have no patience for my son, so ashamed

[namechangetoday]

hes only 2,

i recently had another baby and all my patience is gone,

i love him so much, but just snap at him, i feel trapped in my home

i know im doing it, and feel guilty after, but continue to do so,

everyone sees me as this perfect mother, when im out im ok, but once the morning comes, DH is gone to work, the world closes in and i just hate it,

hes so small and beautiful, i dont want to do this,

i dont want him to remember me snapping at him, shouting even,

no 2 year old should be shouted at,

im NOT going to the doctors, im not depressed jsut frustrated, no friends ect,

i feel like an arse and fully expect you all to have a go at me for doing this,

i love him so much hes so small, im terrified of getting PG again,

i want to be a good mum, but good mums dont shout

This is perfectly normal. And no, it's not ideal, but you know that, and want to fix it! No judgement from me.

How old is your baby? Are you getting out of the house with them both, every morning? It's hard when it's dark/wet/cold, but it's still good to get out.

Do you have help with the two of them? Any hope of sending the big one to a playgroup for a half day here and there?

Are you getting enough sleep, and getting a bit of time off here and there?

my baby is almost 6 months, and i find it difficult getting out with them both,

i have lots of family, but its during the day that i feel alone, when theyre all at work, uni ect

i have enough sleep but DS1 the 2 year old shares our bed and doesnt go to bed, si im with him literally 24 hours

Namechange, I had to reply. Your post has me in tears as you have said very eloquently how I feel some days.

I've had a weekend of feeling like it and fingers crossed today has been ok so far.

I think most mothers of 2 year olds feel like this at some point. At least thats what I tell myself

I too am guilty of shouting at my nearly 3 year old. (I also have 12 month and 10 year old) But sometimes it feels like shouting is the only way that I can get through to him and the only thing that will stop dead whatever unreasonable behaviour he is in the middle of, hope that makes sense.

Please don't think you are a bad mum. You care enough to recognise that you don't like your own behaviour. If you weren't shouting, I'm sure you'd find something else to feel guilty about!

I'm here for the next half hour or so if you want to talk

If you want to move him out of your bed, it might help? I hate the feeling of having anyone with me 24/7, except for a very small baby.

Does your two-year-old go to bed on his own in the evening? Is he getting enough sleep? An underrested two-year-old is a horrible thing.

thanks hun,

hes such a good boy too, really clever,

it just seems hopeless sometimes, the mountains of washing, ironing, pots, toys

and its so hard to do anything, because you cant leave them for 2 minutes, and transfering them both up and downstairs is such an effort,

im sure it will get better for both of us, i think i just need to try and stop myself, and just take it easy when im getting stressed,

DF is good most of the time, but sometimes he gets mad if he gets home and ive had a bad day, nottidied up ect, gets angry

which doesnt help

Grrr, you're managing two small kids! That's enough for one person to do! If you had a nanny, doing what you do, she would just mind the kids and that would be it. And that would be a full-time job!

NQC, it would be fantastic if he were out of our bedd, i took him up last night and he didnt sleep for 3 hours, by the time i got downstairs it was 10.30 and i was stright back up to sleep,

it just seems so repeatative

exactly!

he honestly wont mind them both whilst i go to the shop - i have to take one, but he expects me to be able to do 4 hours of cleaning whilst entertaining them both

tbh, i think its a combination of things that have built up and im releasing my frustrations on him because hes here,

plus he screams like a banshee if i dont meet his demands within 30 seconds of his 'want a juice' announcement, lol

Well said expat. It's quite a crap job sometimes too! And no holiday from it either

On a practical level, I've designated one corner of our room for the huge pile of ironing 5 people generate and I feel so much better now I can't see it all the time!

I understand about the transferring them both up and downstairs, it's so wearing especially if its only to complete a small task that would take one minute without children in tow.

DS2 currently traps DD in doorways and repeatedly tries to close the door on her so I can't turn my back on them for 2 mins either.

I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say about his demand for juice. It is the feeling of being the one who has to meet the demands of two small people and knowing the hell to pay if it's not done there and then, or in the right cup, or he's not sitting exactly where he wants to. it's sooo wearing.

thanks for the support hun, sometimes this place is great cause you know your not going to get an answer to your problem, because there isnt one, i need to sort it out myself, but its great to know that someone out there understands what your going through, and has sympathy for your situation,

thanks again,

ive got to do a few bits round the house now,.. what fun, hehe

I know I've posted this tip before but I find it really helpful to do some acting sometimes. I know it sounds odd but if I pretend to be a good mum when I feel on edge it can really help. 'What would a really nice unstressed, not tired mother do?' i ask myself and once in a blue moon it stops me from shouting....just a thought other than the 'dear me, it can get pretty rubbish can't it' sympathy which you have from me in spades.

oh god I've been there too. that's really hard and I think we can safely say you are NOT a bad mother. you are a mother who needs a break from the demands of two small children on a 24/7 basis. You are sleep deprived as well as being seriously time-for-you deprived. time-for-you being a VERY IMPORTANT THING

someone, your DP, a friend/sister/brother whatever needs to take those kids off your hands on a regular basis so that you can chill/take a bath/have your hair done/do nothing ALONE....

dear god we'd all be shouting in your situation! I'd be a complete blithering wreck...

dont worry hun, it happens to us all,

i have 2 boys under two and its hellish sometimes,

have a night in the week when DH has them for a few hours, you go upstairs and have a bath, do your hair ect

Don't feel ashamed. Things need to change for all your sakes, but you know that . I've been like this on and off since my third child was born in '03 - a mixture of exhaustion, frustration and boredom I suppose. My DD said that I used' to be be a much nicer mummy' and I know that she's right. I've mananged to turn things around in the last few months but I still have my moments. Realising the problem is there is half the battle. Good luck.

I'm exactly the same at moment. I feel really guilty because I feel my three yr old is getting a raw deal from his VERY pg mummy(due next mon-oh gosh yes THAT is xmas day!)

I'm getting really stressed that if I can copw with one plus bump,how will I manage TWO.

You DO need some time/support. NO-ONE can be "on duty" 24 hours a day and not lose it.

Sorry if I speak out of turn, but do you ever shout at DS because you're actually p'd off with dh/dp. I did that last week DH was having yet another night out(it is that time of year) and I was faced with a 3yo who didn't want to go to bed, so I picked him up and carried him up the stairs,stating in tears, I wasn't "in the mood" for this. I ended up in tears,DS1 ended up scared and upset. I ended up vomiting in bathroom I was so ashamed and upset with myself.I didn't physically hurt him in any way(ie I was gentle when I was doing all this BTW)but felt so bad.
But the problem was I was annoyed with his dad for me being on my own dealing with a stroppy(bless him he's 3) child while feeling fed up with being pg.

Good luck. A lot of us have been there/are there!

Big hugs. It's very very normal to feel like this. Small children are very hard work and although we love them desperately they can drive us insane. I had forgotten quite how difficult 2 year olds can be until I read your post (my girls are nearly 6), but it has all come flooding back to me and I felt very similar to you at the time. It will get much easier, they will play together as they get older and you will have more time and sleep.

I think you should be doing some shouting at your (not so D)H, tbh.

If he can't be left with the two of them to just mind the two of them, but tells you off for not cleaning when you've had to manage them all day ...

I found managing two on my own quite hard (I still do, tbh, and they're 2 and 5 ... not as hard as a toddler and a baby, though!), but at least my DH was sympathetic and felt that a day in which I didn't lose it was a good day. Anything else I got done was a bonus. And that attitude helped a lot.

he has the attitude, that his job, is what he does - i take care of the kids,

even though he describes his job as 'piss easy and boring'

When my dds were 2 and 3 months old I became a single parent and it was exhausting. I am ashamed to say I also shouted at my 2 year old dd and even smacked her once. I never got any sleep as they were both up in the night and I was breast-feeding them both for 9 months .

But I made the decision that I wasn't going to be that sort of parent and I've never smacked her since (she's 9 now). You need to get time to yourself. Establish a bedtime routine with the 2 year old. It might take a week or two but it'll be so worth it! That's what saved my sanity in the end - getting them both into bed by 7.30pm and having some time alone.

I also made friends wherever I could and went out every single day as staying at home with them drives you nuts! Go to playgroups, soft play places, any local mums groups you can find and make friends and chat to people.

Also keep telling yourself this phase doesn't last forever!

Message withdrawn

Hi

just wanted to give a bit of an update,

i figured one of the main problems was my PC addiction

after posting this thread, and taking a long hard look at myself, ive really made steps in the last few days,

ive been spending too much time on the PC during the day, and for the past 2 days ive not allowed my self on the PC before 6pm,

ive spent the days playing with my kids instead of gawping at the screen or TV

and ive had a fabulous 2 days,

my sons gone from a troublesome truck to a beautiful little boy who wants nothing but hugs!

thanks girls xx

Are you sure you're not me?!!?

Did I type all this in my sleep!? lol

You could be me!

I have a almost 3 YO dd and a 5 month old ds, and i feel exactly the same.

I also feel really guilty about how much i nag my dd, and also feel trapped.

If you want to chat then email me on [email protected]

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