Reported DV - now out of control

[VioletRoller]

On new years day my partner assaulted me in the car and there was a witness. It happened a handful of times before while drunk, and he still had alcohol in his system from the night before (was breathilized)

He was holding his hand over my face and I opened the door with my foot, struggled and screamed, a man heard and came over which caused partner to stop. I jumped out of car, didn't grab my bag with cards or bags with laptop etc (I left on NYE when I seem him getting more drunk, he was collecting me again).

The man rang the police, I did too as I was afraid of partner coming back.

Police collected me and before bringing me home to parents, they talked to me about partner. They were extremely supportive, I liked them a lot. I think I made matters worse by trying to express that it only happens when he was drunk. I feel like I portrayed myself as a bit vulnerable although I did admit that it wasn't okay.

I showed them pictures of bruises from the month before and told them about a few other times. They talked to me about his record, which I've seen and is pages long. Though stayed out of trouble and turned his life around the past couple of years, it is definetely much cleaner than it was before when he had a drink and drug problem. I knew him when he was like that but only as friends. Id find him passed out on the street etc... very different now. I took a statement in the car.

The police brought me home and instead of dropping me off around the corner they came in and spoke to my parents in the kitchen. I moved back in with them when I became pregnant. I dont involve my daughter with partner, I see him in his flat on the weekend.
My mother is a great mum but very critical of me, really would have preferred her not to know at least while I live here and have to sit in the same space where I cant get away from comments...

The police kicked his door in and arrested him.

Now I really don't want this all to be happening. I feel like I have no control over the situation. I want to drop the charges. I dont want to go to court at the end of the month and be character assassinated by his solicitor when I don't even want him to go away. I just wanted to drive home to him I wouldn't accept it. What do I do?

Sorry for thr length of thread and writing style I'm on my phone. Starting to feel very distressed too.

[mum2mum99]

VioletRoller you seem to be clinging to a dream of a perfect man, a perfect marriage and he has just shown that he isn't this.
No matter how much you want him to be he isn't.
Once the wall of respect is gone, it is gone. You might well rebuilt a fence but it won't be enough to withhold a serious assault. That's what one of the worker said to me in the women's refuge. What's different from before? He now knows he can do this to you and get away with it.

[VioletRoller]

I don't know mum2mum, I don't see a future with him and everything that's happened has made me distance myself a lot. DD keeps me busy and happy. Uni (physics) starts soon for me (30th) but I've started early to get ahead, and I'm starting a business which is just portraiture mostly that will hopefully grow and go in to a portfolio to get a tattoo artist apprenticeship. When I save enough money to get my leg finished I'm taking it over there (prepared for rejection lol!). Until I start earning money there though people always want their babies and pets drawn. :) There's gym too. And trying to socialise as much as I did before. So I'm feeling busy and fulfilled when feeling good. :)

I think the fence imagery is really spot on.

[mum2mum99]

Violet sounds like you have so many projects. You are doing great and you deserve a happy relationship too.