I turned 33 and online dating went dead...

[hopeisfadingfast]

Just wondered if anyone else has had this experience?

I started dating around 6 years ago and got loads of attention in my late 20s. I was in a relationship when I turned 30 and didn't start dating again until I was 32, which was noticeably harder work but I was still getting enough interest to meet a handful of (seemingly) quality new people every month.

Since turning 33 it's like I'm invisible to everyone except those over 60 who can't write in sentences and have no teeth. Slight exaggeration but I'm not getting anyone contacting me who actually looks like a match and even when I message men whose age range I'm within, they never write back. When I was 32 my profile was pretty much the same and I'd say at least half would write back, if not more. I can only think they don't want to look ageist in case it puts off the younger women who they're actually aiming to date.

I'm in the central belt of Scotland, I don't know if that's relevant. I phoned a dating/introductions agency as I'm considering my options and they implied that eligible men are particularly thin on the ground in Scotland but I'm thinking it might be in their best interests to say that!?

I have written profiles professionally for other people and feel that mine is what I want it to be; I used to get men writing to say they liked it even though they didn't think we were a match so I don't think I'm doing anything majorly wrong on that front but I'm not ruling it out. I'm not sporty, outdoorsy or spontaneous which I know means I'm not what the majority of men are looking for in the first place but I do come across people who look like matches in their mid to late 30s and they don't even seem to entertain the idea of talking to me in my old age.

I changed my hair and makeup (and also stopped wearing contact lenses - now always wear glasses) round about the time I turned 33 so it's possible that might be affecting my success rate but I'm getting more real life attention so I don't think I look any worse.

I found an article online that said that most women experience a sharp decline in interest on turning 33 but I hadn't expected it to be quite so sharp! Is anyone else in the same boat? Any tips?

I read some research that said the single most effective way to increase responses is to change your photo to a "myspace angle", not sure if that helps much

blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/

That blog is really interesting...

I did ditch the glasses in half of my okcupid profile photos (including the main one) and I got a big flurry of extra interest but all from other continents. I think my photos are good but I don't really do décolletage and can't see me starting now.

That's a really interesting article Hotter - I think I've read it before but it was just as interesting second time around and I'd forgotten a lot of it. It does confirm what tends to be my opinion on décolletage and "sexy" shots; you're likely to get more attention but not more quality attention. Interesting what it says about the myspace angles too - I have one or two that could potentially qualify as myspace angles but it's debatable.

If I had any photos of me doing interesting things that would be great but all the interesting things I do don't generate any photo opportunities (or it wouldn't be obvious it was an interesting thing from the photo iyswim).

I just wish I could find 100 or so 33 year old women in my area so I could get a genuine idea of how normal my experience is. It's hard to tell if people who are doing much better are doing so due to exceptional good looks or because they're getting something right that I amn't or maybe just because they're sporty, outdoorsy and spontaneous and therefore have a larger pool of men who are looking for there personality type in the first place.

*their personality type. Jesus.

Re what the article says about smiling - that's interesting too and I ignored it first time round and kind of want to continue ignoring it but maybe that's where I'm going wrong. I want someone warm and friendly whose looking for someone warm and friendly and I can't really see how that fits with someone not smiling. But maybe I need to book a photo shoot and find someone to photograph me looking sultry, doing something interesting like playing a guitar or washing an elephant. You'd think it would be less complicated.

If you are into anything unusual you could start or join a meetup group? Might be a good way to meet face to face. Also is it possible to move? Its very normal to be single at your age in London...

If you want, I know some NLP techniques to boost confidence?

OP I am 50 and have OLD for 2 years I could have had a date whenever I wanted, had lots of attention from boys in their 20's to men of my age. Pretty sure nothing to do with your age.

Hi Blossom - yes, from what I hear older women seem to be finding it ok but there does seem to be some evidence to suggest that being in your mid 30s might be a bad age. I also get decent men in their 20s contacting me but I'm looking for someone in their 30s.

I go to loads of meetups Hotter but thanks for the suggestion. I've met 3 or 4 "eligible" men through meetups this year but they all seem to have a fatal flaw (I really clicked with one guy in particular but he said he'd lied on his CV to get the job he was in so that kind of killed off my interest in him). I wouldn't say I was lacking in confidence either but thanks for the NLP suggestion - I might come back to it in a year or two when my confidence has been decimated but for the moment I still think I have a lot going for me. The frustrating thing is that I've met around 130 men since I started OLD and even when I could have a quality date every night of the week I still didn't find anyone I felt I wouldn't be miserable with. So even if I manage to get my numbers up again there's no guarantee anyone will be the right person.

OP, you are really over thinking this.

Oh dear, really *kua"? I suppose I'm just trying to work out if I can do anything to get drastically different results just with a profile on various sites. The alternative is very very expensive (introductions agency).

I found a profile review forum and got some opinions. General consensus seemed to be that there was nothing wrong with my text (got a few compliments which was nice) and that there were a few things I could do differently with my pictures (have more of them, remove some that were quite similar to others I have up) but that all in all the pictures weren't bad. Someone also mentioned that OLD is in decline in general and that response rates are significantly down across the board compared with 5 years ago. I think I have read that to be fair. So looks like I will try the introductions agency. Thanks everyone for your input and suggestions. I will keep my profiles up and tweak my photos a bit as it does no harm keeping an online presence. Maybe when I turn 34 things will pick up again!

I have to say purely from my own personal experience that I think 2 things matter: photo and age. I saw the number of emails treble when I changed my photo to something sexier (and they were both just face shots). Also lots of men want full body shots because of the fear of being "fatfished", as apparently being fat is worse than being a criminal to those guys, so adding a couple of pictures of myself on nights out etc helped.

The other thing was indeed age. It seemed that lots of men had set their parameters "to 32" as I noticed a huge difference when I tried it at 31 and then at 34.

I only looked on match, so this may not be true on all websites, but when I searched for 34 year old men in London, there were about 8 pages of profiles, half of whom looked pretty boring. Women? 40+ pages of attractive, nice looking ladies. The numbers game was stacked v much in favour of the men. My personal and quite possibly bollocks assumption was that this was perhaps because 34 year old women feel more pressure to meet someone/have a family than men of the same age.

That being said, it is a numbers game, and you only need to click with one of the decent ones! I met my partner on a common interest forum rather than a dating website in the end, but OLD does get you in the mindset of dating and flirting, even if you have to kiss quite a few frogs!

Hmm just a thought on the age question. I'm newly single at 38 with kids, and I'm basically plucking up the courage to do online dating.

But I actually feel in a stronger position than I was when I was last dating. I now have a house and kids and I'm very focused with my life. So any relationship I might have will be purely for enjoyment purposes.

Whereas dating in my late 20s was really hard. I was aware of my ticking biological clock, was aimlessly renting and basically was hoping to meet my future life partner at every turn.

Crazy thought - could you change your age and see if that makes any difference? Or is that totally not the done thing?

I like the thought of having 2 profiles, one where you are your normal self, and one where you test things out, and see which gets the most attention.

I always wonder what I'm doing wrong when I see other people say they get hundreds of messages per week, or say "I could get someone if I just wanted sex, I'd just go to the bar" - thats certainly not my experience! Ive had maybe 5 messages this week, and they are all the generic "hi hun" type

I agree with Kua though, I'm not bombarded with messages but I'm not analysing it all as much as I did at the beginning. I think this is a phase of internet dating! Do a new photo without glasses and upload it but leave the ones with glasses too, then you look at the men's profiles and message ten men that YOU like, that you've chosen and AT LEAST three will reply. It'll be grand. and do not analyse the seven who didn't.

I used to overthink things too, but it turns out twinklestein is right, there are millions of men who won't date a woman who is over 35, over 120 pounds, wears glasses, doesn't paint her nails, move like a lady, speak nicely, whatever etc etc etc but it turns out that those men are the ones sitting at home peeling the lid off pot noodle for one.