I’m hoping to get a female perspective on an issue that is causing me real anguish.
I’m mid 40s and my wide is late 40s. We’ve been together for 15 years and married for 10. We have no children by this of from previous relationships.
My wife has a medical condition that she was very open about when we first met. It’s very rare (less than 100 people in the country have this) so I’d rather not say what it is as I might out myself.
About a month after we first met we started having sex. After about 4 months she told me her medication has changed, this has caused her problems with hormones and periods and as a result she would be temporarily unable to have sex. I fully accepted this and carried on building a relationship without sex.
I sort of lost track of time and another 12 months passed before I became a bit concerned about getting our sex life back on track. I had a growing feeling that when she said “temporary” she hadn’t really been truthful and I was left with a difficult decision; do I leave her or do I say and live a sexless life. I loved her, after much thought, decided to say with her in a sexless relationship - now marriage.
This has been very difficult for me I have struggled with celibacy on a daily basis but I made my choice freely and have stuck to it for 14 years.
My wife has recently told me that actually she was only unable to have sex for a few months; from that point on she was able to have sex but she just preferred not to. She has given me no reason or this just that she is not a very sexual person. I have found this news VERY, VERY difficult to cope with. When I made my choice 13 years ago my decision was based on her being UNABLE to have sex with me, being UNWILLING to have sex with me is a very different situation.
I feel that if I had known the truth years ago I would have wished her good luck and moved on. My wife doesn’t see any difference between being unable to have sex and being unwilling to have sex as the outcome for me is the same.
I have spoken to a few close male friends about this. Their view of my wife was pretty poor. I would really appreciate a female perspective on my situation.
If you feel you can share any thoughts with me I be very grateful as to honest right now I have no idea what to think.
Thanks