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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is anyone awake? I need to talk while I'm stuck

81 replies

Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 04:44

Name change check

OP posts:
Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:15

Thanks Toron but I don't have my card and it's not letting me register without it. It's under 2 hours now and I think he's asleep. I'm probably over reacting anyway, he didn't actually hurt me just his phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:16

Now I'm starting to wonder if I've caused all this. He's normally really lovely. Maybe I'm just not a very good person or something.

OP posts:
torontonian · 01/01/2016 05:17

If a friend of yours is using Uber, they can arrange it for you... is public transit not working tonight?

Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:18

No buses till 6:30 and I'd have to get a bus right into the middle of town and then wait for a bus home. There is a bus stop right outside here and right outside my house but no direct route

OP posts:
Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:19

I'll ask if anyone's using uber.

OP posts:
ToastedOrFresh · 01/01/2016 05:23

Keep phoning the taxi firm, say, every 15 minutes, in case a taxi is available earlier but they might think that you only want it a 7am.

Could you phone around some other taxi companies and see if they have a taxi available earlier ?

Phone the police on 999 and tell them what happened. Locking yourself I the conservatory is all very well but what if he comes for you ? Does he know you've got a taxi coming at 7am ?

torontonian · 01/01/2016 05:23

It looks like your OH becomes violent when drunk. Drunkenness could be an extenuating circumstance legally but in my opinion agression is never tolerable in a relationship. I understand that he threw the cell with the intention of hitting you.
If you are so scared to the point of locking yourself, I would cut loses. I would not even answer next time he calls. Block and move on.

jellyjiggles · 01/01/2016 05:24

Can you get a blanket or something from the sofa op while your asking? I know you said it was freezing! Other options could be a 24hr coffee shop or McDonald's. I have no idea if they're open even but you've only got 90 minutes now and getting out the house would be a good thing!

It's not your fault op and I hope your considering ending the relationship.

Namehanger · 01/01/2016 05:24

No, you have not caused him to scare you. This is not your fault.

Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:27

I rang all the firms and that was the earliest they can give me. Im going to call back now and ask that if there's one sooner could they send it ASAP.

I don't think he intended to hit me with the phone. Although it looked like he was holding himself back which is why I was scared. He didn't follow me so I think he's realised he's scared me.

He's never violent or aggressive when not drunk. He has a drink every now and again but not to the point of getting drunk and it's fine. It's only when he's drunk he gets like that.

We visited his parents Christmas Day and his dad was drunk and acting the same way towards his mum. Just nasty and aggressive, so maybe it's a family trait where alcohol is involved.

OP posts:
torontonian · 01/01/2016 05:28

But right now focus on getting home safe and sound. Is there any coffee shop around that is open so you can wait there? Any safe place where you can wait instead of the conservatory? A church? I know that it is complicated in new year. I don't know how the area you are in is, but maybe an indoor ATM could be safe enough at this time?

Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:29

I've got a blanket and cushions and my coat. It's just a very cold night. I'm alright here. I was leaving before any of this happened. I think that's why he exploded the way he did because he realised I was done. I've never told him I was finished before, it's not something I say to threaten people and I only say it when I'm completely serious as he well knows so I think he was upset and angry.

OP posts:
ToastedOrFresh · 01/01/2016 05:29

He's assaulted you. Why haven't you called the police ?

jellyjiggles · 01/01/2016 05:30

I know alcohol can fuel a person but if it's a family trait even more reason to end it. He clearly has a drink problem in that it makes him aggressive. No drinking rule for this one op.

Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:31

My friends just messaged and he's just got back off a night shift and is coming to pick me up. As he didn't reply I assumed he was out but he was working so I'll be out of here in 5 minutes.

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:31

Because he didn't assault me toast he threw a phone near me. I'm just being pathetic.

OP posts:
jellyjiggles · 01/01/2016 05:32

Please tell us when your safe op X

Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:33

I will do. Hopefully won't be long now. He's not far off. Going to go out last minute in car he hears me and follows me out. Don't want to be arguing in the street when my poor friend arrives

OP posts:
Original poster
Stuck1234 · 01/01/2016 05:33

In case

OP posts:
OldPodge · 01/01/2016 05:35

So relieved to hear OP. Glad you're safe

Lynnm63 · 01/01/2016 05:35

So sorry for you op. You're probably right that he's asleep without a care in the world. If he does come down before you get away and you're in any way frightened call 999 immediately. They will take you seriously and they will come out. Take this and Christmas Day with his dad as red flags and get away from him now.

Lynnm63 · 01/01/2016 05:36

That's great op, please let us know when you're safely away.

Boglin · 01/01/2016 05:37

Glad ypur friend is coming. Get some sleep and then you can decide how to tackle the bf situation.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 01/01/2016 05:41

No. Not pathetic in any way, shape or form. Glad a mate is coming for you, let us know when you get home? Stay safe.

cosypenguins · 01/01/2016 05:45

If you feel unsafe, you should have called the police.
Do that now.
Your trail of emails to others who cannot offer immediate and practical help is actually going to make any future evidence you give to the police less credible, not more credible.
The police will help you. But please do not see yourself as just a victim; even as a victim, you have responsibilities. your responsibility now is to seek appropriate help to keep yourself safe. Your not contacting the police will suggest that your are not as scared as you say.