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DH pushed me... not sure how i feel.

137 replies

MiseryBusiness · 29/12/2015 13:13

DH and I have been married 8 years. Ususally, we get along fine and have a good marriage.
We've had our ups and downs but we've managed to get through them.
Recently, we haven't been getting on too well. This is down to me, more than him.
I've been feeling a bit suffocated by his constant need for attention and I had been backing away a little. We had a big heart to heart and cleared the air and things were going well again.
On Xmas eve eve. DH went out drinking with a friend. We had a babysitter so I went out with some of my friends and met with him later in the night.
When we met up, he was clearly very drunk.
DH is either a happy drunk or an aggresive, angry drunk. He has never been violent, just really unpleasant.
When he walked into the pub, the barman made an offhand comment - not sure what it was but I think it was a joke of some sort. DH threatened to beat him up so I came over and told him to calm down.
He then tried picking up the landlords dog and it nipped him so he started shouting about kicking the dog, so again, I had to ask him to calm down.
He came a sat down and started singling out one of my female friends, everything she said, he disagreed with. He shouted at her, called her a liar when she was telling us a work story. The only way I can describe it, was that he was picking on her, bullying her even. It was awful.
I decided enough was enough and I would take him home. When we stood up he knocked my friends drink over and it went all over her bag, she said something to him like 'thanks for that' or similar so he threw his own drink over her.
I apologied, I was so embarrased I told him we were going. He refused to give me the car keys and was really shouting at me.
I walked out the pub and he was pushing me, over and over, every time ~I tried to move past him he would shove me and then pin me up against the wall/shops on the high street.
He threw the car keys at me and was shouting in my face and pointing in my face that he'd done nothing wrong and I was the one being a bitch.
He continued to push me and shove me through town. At one point a couple stopped their car and asked if I was ok.
We eventually got to our car and I drove us home, we shouted at each other all the way home. He was blaming me for his awful night. Every time I tried to explain what he'd done he was just flat out denying it, saying I was making it up.
We got close to our house and he was shouting at me still and jabbing his finger in my face while shouting so I stopped the car and told him to get out. He refused to leave the car so I got out and started walking home. He ran after me and again the shoving and pushing started. For the first time ever, I was actually scared he might hit me so I kicked him as hard as I could and ran back to our car, he chased me and as I was climbing in the car he slammed the door on my leg.
Luckily he then stormed off down the road so I drove home and went straight to bed.
He came up in the morning and apologied for shouting and pushing me but is saying he doesnt remember most of the night and only remembers pushing me once outside the pub.

I dont know what to do. This is so unbelievably out of character. He has never been physical with me before.
I do believe he is sorry and I believe him when he says it'll never happen again.
Luckily, he only drinks 3 or 4 times a year so he's saying he just wont drink at all now.

The thing is, I cant change the fact it has happened. I never thought I would ever accept being treated like that, but I cant end my marriage over one drunken night!
I need some advice.

Sorry thats so long!

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ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/12/2015 17:06

Of course he remembers
You need to get him to leave while you think about your options. No question that he needs to be far away from you for a while. This behaviour was so far over the line and you must not make a knee jerk decision to forgive him. Hateful, rage filled abusive behaviour like that doesn't come from nowhere and the alcohol was just a dis inhibitor which enabled him to express his feelings.
Has he ever expressed a dislike of this friend he poured a drink over? Oh my god, it's so hideous, how could you hold your head up with your friends if you forgave him? I don't think I could be friends with someone whose partner did that to me and she forgave him tbh