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Original poster

can a couple ever be happy together once they have kids?

39 replies

earlycomputers · 16/12/2006 14:09

Call me sceptical, but has anyone ever heard of a man and woman getting along really well and still really loving each each other/enjoying each other's company/not having many arguments etc once they have kids together? It just seems that the ideal relationship - man/woman/childen living harmoniously doesn't exist. Please tell me I am wrong!

OP posts:
Original poster
earlycomputers · 16/12/2006 14:09

Call me sceptical, but has anyone ever heard of a man and woman getting along really well and still really loving each each other/enjoying each other's company/not having many arguments etc once they have kids together? It just seems that the ideal relationship - man/woman/childen living harmoniously doesn't exist. Please tell me I am wrong!

OP posts:
gothicsanta · 16/12/2006 14:10

it works in our house children should enhance a relationship not be a cause of problems -

beansprout · 16/12/2006 14:13

Have to say, it's good here as well, but I absolutely recognise the stresses it brings. We are helped by dh having done this before, so he has a perspective on what doesn't work so well, IYSWIM. Still hard though. Ds takes up so much time and energy I do wonder what we would find to do without him!

UCM · 16/12/2006 14:13

I think our relationship has been enhanced by DS as we laugh together lots more at stuff he does. I am not as bad tempered as I was either.

I can honestly say that over the summer I made a point of insisting on walks down the beach/in the woods (anything free really) and they hold some of our happiest memories.

You call all stop puking now

ImaVeryMerryChristmasFairy · 16/12/2006 14:14

Of course having children will change the dynamic of a relationship, and potentially give more things to argue about, but DH and I are still in love with each other, and love our two DSs. I will be if it turns out that lots of people agree with the OP.

Pruni · 16/12/2006 14:16

Message withdrawn

ginnedupmummykissingsantaclaus · 16/12/2006 14:17

I think it can work, but only if the relationship is watertight before the kids come along. Also you need to have the same ideas about bringing them up and discuss it all beforehand.
People often think that having children will always bring you closer as a couple, but if there are cracks in the relationship before they just get bigger when the stress of parenthood kicks in.
I found this out to my cost with my ex, but I have friends who have children and are really happy together.
My dp and I are very happy, he treats my dc like his own and I love his dd to bits, but I don't want to have any more children with him because of the problems they bring along with them.
Sorry I'm rambling, I'll shut up now!!

CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 16/12/2006 14:19

Yep, pretty fine here too. I love seeing DH as a dad - in fact, I think we're stronger than before we had children. We've been together eons though and known each other pretty much forever.

DingDongDraculaOnHigh · 16/12/2006 14:22

If anything it makes you cherish the time you do have on your own together a lot more!

Life certainly becomes more hum-drum in lots of ways, but also more fun and interesting in others.

Obviously having kids changes the dynamic of the relationship but whether the result is a better or worse relationship depends on the couple and what makes things tick for them.

As long as you can cope with each other not being the main focus all the time and the lack of me time then I think it is ok.

UCM · 16/12/2006 14:26

Maybe I am bonkers, but on the odd occasion we are on our own, it feels like someone is missing. Anyone else experience this??

UCM · 16/12/2006 14:26

Hijack Pruni - 'Ows yer Soot, is it off yet?

MerryBiglipsmas · 16/12/2006 14:27

i found that the first 6 months was hard as we were permantly arguing over nothing!...cos we were knackered then it got easier after that

DD is now 26m old and we are a happy family

KentuckyFreudChicken · 16/12/2006 14:29

Well, DH and I are happier than ever since having children.....it kinda gives us a purpose of being together. I find it harder to believe a couple can be happy without kids.

LucyJones · 16/12/2006 14:31

I think you can be happy together again but it is a different kind of happiness. Me and dh feel happy watching ds' face light up at decorating the Christmas tree rather than feeling happy at the thought of me prancing around in stockings on Chrismtas Eve. (sorry, only exampple I could think of!!). You just learn to find happiness in other things and I think it makes you less selfish than if it's all about you and dh, now it's all about you, dh and these little people you've created together

Pruni · 16/12/2006 14:31

Message withdrawn

ballbaby · 16/12/2006 14:34

I have to say I used to really enjoy going out for a romantic meal just the two of us - now an early night - for sleep - always appeals a lot more.

DimpledThighs · 16/12/2006 14:42

well we were fine had children, crashed adn burnt, seperated, got back together on new found terms and things are better than ever.

UCM · 16/12/2006 14:45

Dimpledthighs, thats a nice story, glad to hear it

Pruni

DimpledThighs · 16/12/2006 14:47

oh god - hope you don't read the other thread I just started then!

UCM · 16/12/2006 14:51

Have just added a message

Stargazer · 16/12/2006 15:07

Our relationship is just fine - the kids are an added bonus. DH and I back each other up and both deal with the children in different, but complimentary ways. I think we have a very happy household.

TEEstheCEEsontobejolly · 16/12/2006 15:18

Having a child with special needs has for us caused some amount of stress in out life. We are more tired, a little more frazzled and so on than we were before they came along. But we are a team, united and we love each other. Yes there are moments when i just want to lock myself away and be on my own but they are only moments. Yes we argue, we can be snappy with one another but more often than not we realise we are being snappy and then we laugh about it and have a cuddle.

We still get on well, we still love each other, in fact we love each other more now we are united by our children, we massively enjoy each others company - again more so now we have children, and yes we bicker but that's who we are and we also cuddle, kiss, have a good sex life and laugh a lot together.

MistleToo · 16/12/2006 15:42

You're wrong!

iota · 16/12/2006 15:45

we're happy:

me, dh and 2 x ds

dh and I have had 7 yrs BC and 7 yrs since

Rookietherednosedreindeer · 16/12/2006 16:04

Oh earlycomputers I'm kind of with you on this one, although it could be because we are all suffering from simultaneous retro virus and are not at our best.

I loved my DH to bits and still do and my DS but I find when all three of us are together it's so hard. I get resentful because DH doesn't do as much for DS as I do and I am worried because I am going back to work soon yet I do 80% of the household chores so how is that going to pan out.

DH has a relaxed spontaneous attitude and that is one of the things I love about him, but now with DS I feel we need to be more organised and he can't seem to do this so I end up picking up the slack so I now dislike something that used to be a positive.

It's not all bad though, we do make time to be together as a couple and thats always wonderful and we are making a conscious effort to do things as a family. I guess it will get more worthwhile when DS (9mths) will be more expressive and can do more fun things.