can a couple ever be happy together once they have kids?

[earlycomputers]

Call me sceptical, but has anyone ever heard of a man and woman getting along really well and still really loving each each other/enjoying each other's company/not having many arguments etc once they have kids together? It just seems that the ideal relationship - man/woman/childen living harmoniously doesn't exist. Please tell me I am wrong!

Mine and dh's relationship is under pressure since we've had kids, but I think it's his working shifts that causes a lot of the problem - we only get about one weekend in four together and when we do we fight each other for a lie in, argue over different disciplinary styles, and often it ends up that one of us takes out the kids while the other cleans/catches up on jobs. I hate shift working it sucks.

ec, no

I believe our relationship has been enhanced since we have had a child. It has definitely changed, but in a good way. We are a very happy family unit, and also very happy as a couple as well.

Not the not having many arguments bit, I'd have thought.

On the other hand DP and I have now managed - ooer - nearly seven years together, which is a record for each of us and probably proves something or other although it's probably that we're too knackered by the Inferiorettes to take the arguments (and the stomping, and the shouting, and the slamming of doors) to any permanent conclusion.

My husband and I are still in love infact love each other more now than ever. We have been together 10 years.
I have found having children has made us more closer tbh.

What a strange question

DH and I have two children, are trying for a third, and are still very very happy together. I would rather be in his company than anyone else's in the world. I never get bored of being with him, we make each other laugh, we support each other, we like each other and we still find each other attractive. Why on earth wouldn't we, just because we have children?

Yes, We've got 2 kids and still in love, and he's still my best friend. Lack of sleep and increased noise from the children may have a negative effect but it's counteracted by moments with us having a family huggle on the sofa or just laughing at their daft antics.

yes, most definitely. i think a lot of people have very unrealistic, extraordinarily high expectations of their partner - most so than even of themselves - and it leads to a lot of friction and tension once kids enter the scene.

in our house, your children also enhance our relationship.

Our relationship is definitly more solid now, and think ds has enhanced it rather than made it worse.

its different - it has to be. When its just the two of you you can totally focus on each other, throw a child into the mix and it changes - you both have a relationship with that other being. Additionally, that other being takes precedence in your life (at least in the early years). You have to adjust....we don't argue more (as MI said, probably too knackered...), and sometimes it is easy to drift apart because there is too much else that comes first, but I think you have to work at it.....I think ds hasn't made me rethink my relationship with dp, but he cetainly has made me rethink my life outside of the 'family unit' (for want of a better phrase) and thats no bad thing (although it is bl**dy painful...)

Yes ec, there are days I feel like this too. And actually seeing others all happy and lovely/ loving makes me feel even WORSE. Are you a glutton for punishment??

I do think marriage takes a lot of hard work, so when kids are added on, that's loads of work! I think it's truly very difficult and that's why so many people have problems. But it's also necessary to stick with it, because I do believe happiness is out there to be grabbed back (we were very happy BC -and we have 'happy moments' now to remind me of the the good days!).

I'm sure no-one would say they have the 'ideal relationship' (unless they're a bit delusional). So, don't worry about being perfect and just enjoy the good moments!

Some of our best moments as a couple are when we are basking in the achievements of our children and chatting about basically how bl**min wonderful they are.
Some of our worst moments are when we are tired (because of children having been up in the night or up very early) or when the children are misbehaving and we snap at each other.
You can never ever underestimate the strain that having children puts on a relationship.
I love my husband now even more than we did before we had children, he's a wonderful father and still obviously crazy about me but I'd say we also have more silly rows and more hurtful things can be said. Basically if you're having a tough time in anyway there's not always the space and time to cope with it or for you to support your partner when there are children around.
With children more than any other factor I think it's a case of when it's good it's very, very good and when it's bad it's horrid (slight misquote but you get my point!)