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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just wondering why...

38 replies

uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 19:37

I was seeing a lovely guy for about five months, the only thing was all through that time he kept hinting that he wanted bum sex (as we call it on here!) Anyway, he kept mentioning this in texts and when we saw each other. I had never done it and wasn't too keen to try. But he kept on about it. One day i just thought ok and i let him...the next day he dumped me. Any ideas why?

OP posts:
JohnLuther · 28/12/2015 19:38

Because he's a twat.

tiktok · 28/12/2015 19:39

What do you think, OP?

Seeyounearertime · 28/12/2015 19:41

No idea, I'm not him.
But you shouldn't ever, and I mean EVER, be nagged or coerced in anyway in to any sexual act you don't feel comfortable with.

I'd say if he dumped you, you had a lucky escape. Why would you want to be with someone with little to no respect for you?

Original poster
uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 19:44

I don't know.

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 28/12/2015 19:44

I'm desperately trying to square the circle beween the 'lovely guy' and one who kept hinting/texting that he wanted bum sex.

How did you manage to resolve this quandary, OP?

Original poster
uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 19:47

He dumped me, i didn't resolve it.

OP posts:
definitelybutter1 · 28/12/2015 19:50

He got what he wanted from you and was therefore no longer interested in you. If you had taken him up the Oxo tower earlier he would have dumped you earlier.

Sorry. I hope you enjoyed it.

RedMapleLeaf · 28/12/2015 19:52

I think smallthings means how did you get "nagging/coercing for anal sex = lovely guy"?

Original poster
uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 19:58

He was lovely the rest of the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 20:00

I'm worried i did it wrong. I just basically said ow! a lot.

OP posts:
RedMapleLeaf · 28/12/2015 20:02

He was lovely the rest of the time.

Well, yes, we can all be lovely most of the time! The thing that identifies a dislikeable person is the instances of unlovely behaviour.

RedMapleLeaf · 28/12/2015 20:03

I'm worried i did it wrong.

Sad that should not be the worrying bit of this for you. How old are you?

mellowyellow1 · 28/12/2015 20:05

Taken him up the oxo tower haha!

I think it sounds like you had a lucky escape OP!

Muddlewitch · 28/12/2015 20:05

Because he is a twat that wanted to prove something to himself about how all powerful and controlling he can be. Not about you, all about him. You dodged a bullet. Hope you're ok.

mysteryknickers · 28/12/2015 20:06

He is a pig. Sorry you had this experience. What did he say when he 'dumped' you? Not that it matters, forget him and move on. and stick to whichever boundaries you are happy with.

RedRainRocks · 28/12/2015 20:07

"lovely" does not describe a man who hassles you for a sex act you aren't sure you want. Just curious why you did give in?

By "let him" I'm assuming it wasn't his bum he wanted the sex to be around ~ because my answer would be somewhat different if it was however...

Why did he dump you the next day? I don't know - ask him, perhaps? My guess is, he's a gigantic prick but I could be wrong.

Trills · 28/12/2015 20:20

You were unfortunately in the presence not of "a lovely guy" but of a guy who was capable of SEEMING like he was lovely.

Maybe he had a bet with himself to see if he could get you to do it, and was only staying with you til you agreed.

Maybe he started with good intentions, intended to break up with you for other reasons, and then when he discovered it was on the cards thought he may as well stay around to get it before he left.

Maybe he genuinely thought that you would like it once you tried it, but realised that the two of you could not be together because you did not enjoy it and he cannot live without it.

Maybe it was something else.

In no way did you "do it wrong".

You should not ever feel that you have to do sexual things that you do not like in order to make someone else happy.

Original poster
uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 20:24

He didn't say anything mystery he just never contacted me again. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 20:32

Just dumped me and that was it.

OP posts:
HandyWiseWoman · 28/12/2015 20:32

Well then he is a prick!

mysteryknickers · 28/12/2015 20:33

Flowers Trills is right, you did not do it wrong. it's him, not you. Hold your head up and tell him to F off, in your head.

Seeyounearertime · 28/12/2015 20:34

Urgh what a lovely ass hole he sounds OP... What a shame you're now free to find someone who won't nag you for sexual acts... Grin

Original poster
uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 21:10

I feel a bit better now. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Original poster
uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 21:11

Was just worried.

OP posts:
Fckup · 28/12/2015 21:14

I can't believe there are so many complete pricks around?? I know people only post on here when thy need support but I'm horrified at what men are like. Really hope you are ok, op....not to even have the decency to contact you is pathetic.