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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just wondering why...

38 replies

uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 19:37

I was seeing a lovely guy for about five months, the only thing was all through that time he kept hinting that he wanted bum sex (as we call it on here!) Anyway, he kept mentioning this in texts and when we saw each other. I had never done it and wasn't too keen to try. But he kept on about it. One day i just thought ok and i let him...the next day he dumped me. Any ideas why?

OP posts:

Original poster

uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 21:30

So if i'd let him do it earlier he would have finished me earlier? But surely if he liked it wouldn't he have stayed with me?

OP posts:

mysteryknickers · 28/12/2015 21:44

OP it sounds like he was in it for the chase. He is a prick. There are nicer guys out there.

Trills · 28/12/2015 21:46

So if i'd let him do it earlier he would have finished me earlier?

We don't know. You don't know. You will probably never know.

ImperialBlether · 28/12/2015 21:46

It's rape, really, isn't it?

Original poster

uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 21:59

Why is it rape imperial ?

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 28/12/2015 22:16

I think it's rape because he coerced you into it in the belief you'd be having a relationship with him. If you'd known he was going to dump you immediately afterwards, you wouldn't have done it, would you?

ALaughAMinute · 28/12/2015 22:32

So he's into bum sex and you're not. Stop beating yourself up about it. The guy was a twat and you are now free to find yourself someone who suits you better.

Claraoswald36 · 29/12/2015 09:56

Ugh what a horrid sounding man!! No lovely guy nags like that for a sexual act. Well my exh did but he is my exh!!!
Op there is nothing whatsoever wrong with you. Dust yourself down and chalk this up to experience of a massive red flag. Nice guys do not co orce. Not ever!!!

acatcalledjohn · 29/12/2015 10:07

If a man does not respect your wishes then he is a cunt you are well shot of.

A few things on sex:

Anal sex is not 'common' except in hardcore porn
A healthy relationship never features any form of pressure to perform acts you don't want to
If you do decide to try it, it should be mutual and at the pace of the receiver
Your body your choice

Saying 'ow' is not wrong: it's realistic. It's a tight muscle FFS. He wouldn't have liked having a dildo pushed up his backside. Thing is that this doesn't occur to fuckwits like him.

Learn from this. If any future love interest ever tries to force you in to doing something you do not feel comfortable with, run for the hills.

FinallyHere · 29/12/2015 10:38

Well, anyone asks me, i have always said that I don't think I'm all that keen but am prepared to try it so long as we try it on them first. Its never been mentioned again.

Seeyounearertime · 29/12/2015 10:44

He wouldn't have liked having a dildo pushed up his backside.

Maybe all women should buy a strap on and keep it under the bed, when a bloke suggests Bum sex, whip it out and say,
"Good idea, bend over then"

lorelei9 · 29/12/2015 10:57

seeyou - yes, great idea

OP - sorry you're feeling bad. You didn't do anything wrong. I am picking up that you don't really value yourself enough - I mean, why would you even think to blame yourself?

and no, he wouldn't have stayed with you, many people take what they want and move on. Sorry to say it but it's true

acatcalledjohn · 29/12/2015 11:19

seeyou, excellent idea!

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