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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Exdp hit me.

56 replies

Theresatrexinmybed · 25/12/2015 00:18

We have been trying to get along better for all of our sakes but mostly for the dcs so was planning on spending Xmas together.
I've spent the whole time planning buying in things that I wouldn't normally as he said he was having dinner etc..
Anyway we took the dcs to a panto this evening and went and had food after, on the way home I reminded him that we needed to stop of at his mums to collect the presents for the dcs he then said that "he would bring them round with him when he comes over" I gave him an odd look as he was supposed to be staying over to wake up with dcs, I asked him why he would need to bring them over if he was staying and he told me he wouldn't be coming over until late morning/afternoon because he was now staying at home as his gf (ow) has no family in this country and she doesn't want to be alone (which I do understand) I turned round and said "that that isn't my problem and he promised us that he would be here and has left it right to the last minute to tell me"

He got pissed off and backhanded me in the mouth whilst I was still driving, then proceeded to tell me I was selfish and nasty and I can go fuck myself and he won't be coming round at all and we can all fuck off and not contact him again.

So I'm sitting here with a fat lip feeling like shit and not really looking forward to answering the dcs questions in the morning about why their dad isn't here, they have already started telling him that he doesn't care about them and that he's not their family because of her (which has not come from) and now this I feel so bad for them and tbh myself.

OP posts:

nagsandovalballs · 25/12/2015 07:43

Take photos and then worry about reporting this another day. I understand you not wanting to think about it now. Four of my rugby mates are police officers and when on duty over Christmas they say they spend most of their time dealing with family violence. You are definitely not alone.

Just put this to one side for now and focus on having a fab time with your dcs. They sound very switched on to ex's twattery.

nagsandovalballs · 25/12/2015 07:44

(Then report to police on Boxing Day or 27th)

MissApple · 25/12/2015 08:01

Phone the police. Your children witnessed the attack on you! Do you want to scar them for life??

Marilynsbigsister · 25/12/2015 08:14

OP, the most upsetting part of this is how blasé you appear to be about his assault of you ! From your post it seems almost certain that he did this in the car in front of the dcs and you are seriously thinking about 'salvaging Christmas' above teaching your dcs the life lesson that violence is never acceptable . What on earth did the dcs say when he hit you ? What do they say about your 'fat lip'. The message that you seem to be putting a cross at the moment is that 'it's normal for dad to do that and it's normal to put up, shut up and carry on like nothing has happened !. Sorry op but putting off reporting this assault on you is wrong in so many ways.

abbsismyhero · 25/12/2015 10:16

ring and report it today you don't have to go in today if they really want you to tell them you're the only person with your children and you will do it tommorrow but get it on record today!

Hissy · 25/12/2015 10:32

It's not blasé marilyn, life with an abuser makes you minimise everything,

I dare say the op may have been raised in a family where her needs were bottom of he pile too. It's very common that those who fall victim to abusers are conditioned to accept it from an early age.

It it can just be that abusive types just wheedle their way into lives and wear their victims down, but often the seeds are sowb long before the partner tips up.

What shocks an abuse victim is the abuse others suffer, not what happens to them.

Yes the children are the ones who have no choice in this scenario, but hopefully the op WILL protect them by restricting access, reporting the assault and not allowing him into the home again.

Hissy · 25/12/2015 10:32

Sorry for typos. Phone

petalsandstars · 25/12/2015 10:36

Ring police today. You can arrange for a visit after Christmas if you must. But report it.

Original poster

Theresatrexinmybed · 25/12/2015 13:36

Good morning I hope everyone is having a lovely day.

I'd just like to say that I am in no way normalising or acting blasé about anything, he will not be coming to my house again nor will he be seeing the dcs at any point today or for the foreseeable future.
They have never witnessed any violence from him towards me before this was the first and last time it will ever happen.
The reason I'm trying to salvage Xmas for my kids is because I have no other family near and have nobody to look them while I go to the police I don't want to be sat in a police station with my two dcs on Xmas day.

OP posts:

JohnThomas69 · 25/12/2015 14:08

The fact that my children had to witness something like that on the day before Christmas would haunt me forever. For that in itself I would feel duty bound to ensure that I never put myself in that position ever again.
As for the police, you could just lift the phone. They may ask you to go to them but your not obliged to do so. Most likely they'll come and take a statement which won't take all day.
Having expectations of a violent ex who has a gf is another matter altogether. I'd be happy if they were trying to distance themselves. A negative force in the kids life tbh

magoria · 25/12/2015 14:18

If you call up the police and tell them, but that you are safe from your ex right now they may take a day or so to come out but you have it on record ready for if anything else happens.

NickiFury · 25/12/2015 14:31

When I was with my ex, he pushed me down a flight of stairs, I went head over heels and cut my leg open. I didn't report it, I didn't go to the hospital. It was Christmas and I couldn't bear to "spoil" it. When you're used to abuse like that, you're not thinking like other people, your brain isn't working in a normal way.

With that said OP I know now what I should have done and I feel so angry at myself for not getting him arrested and dealt with. Please find the strength to tell the police. Men like this keep going and getting worse until they're stopped. It took my ex being man handled roughly from the house by six police officers and being charged with assault before he stopped.

Friendlystories · 25/12/2015 14:38

You don't need to explain yourself OP, we're here to support and advise you not judge or tell you what to do. I totally get why you want Christmas to be as normal and enjoyable for your kids as possible as I would have done the same as you and waited to report the assault. It doesn't make you blasé or mean you're minimising, just that your kids need your full attention today, especially after what's happened with their dad. Hope you've managed to enjoy today with them and we're here if you need support over the coming days and beyond.

Hissy · 25/12/2015 15:08

Sorry, op, I don't mean for you to think you have to explain anything, yesterday you sounded a little shocked and stunned - which is exactly to to be expected, today is a new day and you sound determined and strong.

Thank good he's an ex and you no longer live with him.

These leopards never change their spots :(

Inertia · 26/12/2015 08:24

Unless you report to the police you may not be able to protect the children from his violence.

Aspergallus · 26/12/2015 08:28

What inertia said.

Get to the police today.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 26/12/2015 08:33

Can you phone the police and ask if they will come to you?

Explain your situation...

Then your dcs can sit and play with their things while you get him dealt with...

rainbowstardrops · 26/12/2015 08:40

What a vile arsehole to hit you in front of your children while you were driving as well!!! He could have killed you all!

You are well rid. I totally understand that you don't want to spoil the dc's Christmas but at least ring the police and get it logged.

Vile arsehole

Learningtoletgo · 26/12/2015 08:44

Nicki is on the money OP.

Sounds like you've got a plan in your head. Follow it through and get this man out of your life.

kittybiscuits · 26/12/2015 09:47

When you report, OP, you create a trail of evidence that cannot be denied later and it will be helpful to you when this abusive pig decides he wants a Contact Order.

Original poster

Theresatrexinmybed · 26/12/2015 11:29

I've reported him the police came this morning to take a statement so it's in their hands now.

I still feel like absolute shit and it completely ruined my Xmas I woke up in the morning with my eyes so swollen from crying I could barely see the dcs open their gifts and trying to keep a smile on my face for them was so hard.
It's going to be a hard few months which I don't feel I'm strong enough to get through with no real support around me.

OP posts:

kittybiscuits · 26/12/2015 11:33

Well done and poor you OP

Original poster

Theresatrexinmybed · 26/12/2015 11:40

I actually still cannot believe he done it, just because I was upset that he'd chose his gf over our sons, even though she was the ow I've never said anything bad about her to him or anyone else nor have I ever tried to mess with their relationship, we split up 3 years ago and it's been hard.

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 26/12/2015 11:41

I agree with you that you need to get support in place. I think that support will help you wake up from this fog and see clearly just how serious and unhealthy and unacceptable this situation is.

mysteryknickers · 28/12/2015 16:38

Hope you are feeling better OP and stronger. Well done for reporting.

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