Has your relationship with your siblings

[winkywinkola]

continued in the same way into adulthood?

For example, my next brother up from me and I had a very bad relationship as children. My nickname was sow and he would chant at me that I would get pregnant at 16 and end up in a council house.

When we both became parents things improved marginally but he has since made it clear he dislikes me as does his wife.

Thinking about my childhood with him upsets me a lot and I don't know why it upsets me still now really. I still invite him and his family to our family get gerunds. He very rarely comes and when he does he ignores me after the initial hello.

Why do I give a shit? It angers me that he is so rude. The rest of the family don't see it really. Why would they observe someone behaving like that?

I think I will quietly go nc and just stop making any effort. I don't want to invite him to anything anymore. Except I would like to still send birthday and Christmas gifts to his children.

Winky My brother's bio children live with their mum and stepdad, who they call dad. My brother hasn't seen them for over 10 years, and even then he was a shit. They are now 20 and 19 and the last time they saw him, they told him they'd jointly decided that they wanted visiting to stop. He'd collect them on a Sunday about 1100, McDonald's then to his house where he'd watch sport and they had no toys. Grrrreat!!

I live 200-odd miles from them, but have regular contact on FB and we exchange birthday and Christmas gifts.

Completely unwilling to take responsibility for his part in the divorce - the domestic abuse - and cited my ex-SIL's affair as the reason that she had petitioned. Well, the DA had been going on a lot longer than the affair and my ex-SIL saw her now DDDDH only at Slimming World meetings. She was terrified to leave at first as their DS was only 4 months old, their DD 11 months older. I guess he thought that if he kept her permanently pregnant, he'd be able to control her.

She never confided in me, even though we'd been best friends at school, so I had no idea being away at uni and starting my own marriage and career - it was the classic scenario of being happy when out in public.

My DSis and I used to fight like cat and dog.
I would protect her to the hilt though at school etc....
But we are now the best of friends and have been since I was about 16.
We have nights out just the 2 of us and it's always great fun.
We are always the life and soul.

I have 2 half sisters and they hated each other and although they tolerate each other now (50's) they still don't really like each other and arguments erupt when they get together, quite often. But we all get along.

My sister and I are very close in age so were each other's best friends up to our teens, when we got very competitive and irritated the shit out of each other. This carried on to our early 30s when I know I decided I'd had enough of it and assume she did too, so we started behaving differently (me consciously not saying bitchy stuff) and now get on really well. She lives a long way away from me, but I'm spending Christmas with her and can't wait!

I'm in contact with my brother but mainly for our children. Last time I saw him about 4 months ago he informed me I'm 'bottom rung' of society because I'm in a low paid job and currently in the middle of nurse training. What a charmer!

I meant to add, he also advised I work more hours and spend less time with 1 yr old DD so we could afford more holidays. Needless to say his relationship with his DD isn't great

I think I can beat that one, Lucy90- my eldest brother called me a 'half-educated sheep' because I called him a twat. He said the correct word was 'twit'. Oh the pleasure I had correcting him... before going completely no contact with him But he always has been a twat, even when we were children. He has an adult daughter but we've never been in contact (long story) so no present-buying-worries there.

Out of six of us, only four have any real, sustained contact, although one brother is limited in the amount of time he is allowed to spend with us as his wife doesn't like us.

Thinking about it, none of the relationships have changed at all really, just gained a veneer of respectability with adulthood.

Didn't particularly get on with my younger sister growing up.
She went NC with me about 3 years ago. She felt resentful of "attention" I got growing up. She does not see that it was just because I was older, I got to do stuff first. typical middle child jealousy My parents have always been scrupulously fair,

We saw each other at a cousin's funeral about a year ago when she was pregnant with her DD2. She was charming to me in front of family, and came to see us when DS was rushed to hospital when we were visting the UK. However she has gone back to NC.

She has a habit of "culling" her friends and now i live abroad it is easy for her to exclude me without being obvious. I still send birthday cards to my nieces and Xmas cards to the family.

My younger brother makes more of an effort. Cards; texts, viber.

Doesn't bother me any more; life's too short.

No, we have never got on and have been nc for nearly 10 years. A compulsive liar and an emotional abuser. She destroyed my family growing up with lie after lie. I was pretty close to most of her children through my parents, but as they've got older, she's controlled them seeing me more and more. Her youngest has never met my children/her cousins. It's very sad, but cannot be any other way.

Don't have much to do with mine, or could be they don't have much to do with me.
Our home life wasn't the best and I was a wild child.
We have had periods of friendliness over the years but big drought for the last decade.
They don't know my children.

I wish it was different but...time rolls on.

My DBs were 14 and 10 when I was born. DB1 was more of a parent to me, than my parents were (when I was 7 months old, he actually took me off our mother at a party, where she and her mother were trying to get me to drink neat port, for example, and refused to let me out of his sight for the rest of the day/evening until my paternal grandmother arrived and took charge), and spent every weekend/school holiday with me and his mates, who were incredibly understanding. Whilst there were little squabbles (I was very jealous of his time and pretty much loathed his girlfriends when I was very young... and I objected to being used as a goalpost every time he and his mates wanted to play football!), and he's now completely NC with our mother and her mother, we're still very close. We talk on the 'phone a lot, visit whenever we can, and I know that if ever I need help, he'll give it without hesitation (just as I would for him). More importantly, I know he'd do the same for my DC whom he also has a good relationship with. He's one of the best uncles in the world as far as they're concerned.

"D"B2, on the other hand, I haven't seen or spoken to in almost 11 years now. He's never met my DS, barely knew my DD at all, and the only immediate family members he's in touch with are... well, our mother and maternal grandmother. He is their Golden Child. Always has been, always will be. As children, he hated me. I think he'd grown used to being the youngest - and then suddenly, he wasn't anymore (he was 5 when our parents married, and our maternal grandmother told him that he'd never see our mother again - that my father was going to take her away and never let him or DB1 see her ever again - the only photographs of him at their wedding, where he was pageboy, are of him in absolute floods of tears. DF actually adopted him, and didn't "steal" our mother away at all!) When he was a teen, he experimented heavily with drugs and alcohol and actually tried to kill me when I was 5. My DF and DB1 won't have anything to do with him, either. He is a very troubled, extremely spoiled, toxic man-child who drifts aimlessly through life and expects our elderly mother to bail him out each and every time. I won't have my DC exposed to him at all, and I suspect that a lot more went on during my childhood concerning his issues that I simply don't know about. I don't want to know. He's made his choices, DB1's made his choices - and I've made mine.

I was the horror sibling in my family - I am grateful my siblings did not hold it against me into adulthood (as my parents did). I have a reasonably good relationship with my brothers but being brothers the relationships are coloured by my relationships with their wives who are not very interested in their husbands families so never visit even though we are all very civil to each other.

Love that is interesting as my DH is an only child so treasures and encourages my relationships with my brothers because he thinks I am so lucky to have them. It is a large part of the reason we get on so well.

I'm nc with the family I grew up in because they were toxic and made me feel like shit. I miss having a big family, but not that family, IYSWIM.

Your brother sounds like a shit, OP, I doubt you'll regret going nc.

I'm nc with my mother and brother, which is my entire family.

My mother was EA. I was the scapegoat and my brother the golden child. It damaged both if us in different ways. He is angry and spiteful. He has continued to believe her narrative that I can do not right, whilst he can do no wrong.

It continued in exactly the same way. I mean EXACTLY. Ie toxic.

There was a small window when something vaguely healthy was beginning to develop between my closest-in-age sister in out 20s but her toxic husband knocked that on the head sharpish. My elder sister is and always has been so vile. ,sneery and CONSTANTLY verbally abusive (I don't ever remember her saying anything pleasant to me) she is like a caricature, a pantomime baddy.

Anyway, got carried away there - they are obviously fucked up people [correction: WE are] but I've put the effort into addressing it re £££ in therapy etc etc. Not that difficult when you're the scapegoat as it's so painful you're desperate to ease the pain.

I am nc with them all. Should have done it decades ago. I feel indifferent towards my spiteful sister and felt the same towards my close in age sister but she has recently done me over extraordinarily badly and i'd like to shoot her in the face with a shotgun but wouldn't say that on MN bcs MN disapproves of violence.

More £££ in therapy

That'll get deleted

springy

No, mine has changed immeasurably.

We grew up with an abusive alcoholic father so our childhood was fraught to say the least. Our relationship was civil but very strained up until he had my Dnephew. After he was born I made sure I went round once a week to babysit and give him and DSIL a break. That laid the foundation of what we have and now (touchwood) he and DSIL is one of 3 people I could turn to in my life when the shit hits the fan. It did recently and boy did he come through and then some.

It's taken a lot of work. A lot of perseverance. A lot of patience to get here. There are unspoken rules. I do not talk about our childhood or my father). I don't ever get offended by the small stuff (no birthday cards etc). I don't expect him to attend large family gatherings (he hates them).

The truth is I just feel so blessed that we've managed to salvage something good out of a god honest shithole of a childhood.

no. they left me out when I was a kid and they still leave me out of things now. my brother lives overseas, the last time he and his family came to visit they rented a holiday cottage near to my sister for three weeks and didn't mention it to me. they can fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Wow that is a wonderful story Sassy

Yes, I was the family 'wierdo', i.e. scapegoat and still am now.

I have 7 siblings. 6 half siblings and 1 full sibling who my mother had with 3 fathers. All brought up under the same roof together (apart from when the 3 eldest were at boarding school as teenagers). She hated my father the most as he left her and I was more like my father's family, his mother especially, so I suffered for it. Full brother was like her - intelligent, kind etc.

I was beaten up badly as a young teenager by my older half brother and full brother on numerous occasions and used as a sexual plaything by an older half sister. My mother did nothing about any of it.

Siblings view was always that I was a bit mental and a bit of a joke although they could never voice why. Oldest brother was flummoxed the one and only time he deigned to come to my home as it was not somewhere he expected me to live - not a shithole.

When we used to attend family gatherings I was ignored or taken the piss out of as a sport to see if I could beat them at come backs. My brothers used to actually gang up together to beat me at board games at Christmas. They used to take it very seriously and get properly pissed off and storm off if I won! When I look back on it, I think WTAF?

I am now NC with all of them since the FOG finally lifted and I told my mother what I actually thought of my childhood. They were all outraged that I had committed the cardinal sin of telling my mother that she was a shit parent.

It makes me so sad and I still love them but will never see them again. We could have been a big, close, supportive network if it wasn't for my fucked up mother and the way she brought us up. They are not close with each other either and live all over the country, not one of them living close to each other. Mother is gatekeeper and likes it that way.

MY DC will totally NOT be repeating that cycle.

I have never liked my B. There is 3 years difference between us and I tolerated him. I saw him rarely once I left home at 18. I last saw him 4 years ago and have had no dealings with him whatsoever. I wouldn't know his children if I fell over them, I think he has 4 or 5. He knows my son as they work in the same building.
It upsets my mother that we don't get on but as most of our extended family don't talk to each other for one reason or another she is resigned to it

for you living.

I relate to this sentence very strongly. "Siblings view was always that I was a bit mental and a bit of a joke although they could never voice why."

Is there a support group for scapegoats? I think there should be.

My younger sister used to be really mean to me growing up. She made me miserable at times. She thought I was weird. Now we are in our 30s, I'd like a better relationship and have tried but she says I'm part of her past. It hurts, but what can you do?

I am NC with my sister and don't send anything for the children as I never intend to have contact in future. My sister sends presents and manipulative messages to my DC. They know exactly what she's doing and who she is.

My Dsis and I had a great relationship as children, as teens we went totally different directions. We are very different. I am very independent and practical. My Dsis is very focused on home and not very practical with day to day stuff.

When she was young she was in and out of hospital a lot, so was not only the baby but the focus of my parents due to this. I have no resentment of all about this but I think it shaped our characters. She is very disorganised because she never had to learn to do a lot of things.
We got along better once I moved away and there were probably about 5 years where we didn't have a lot of contact, just due to both being busy.
I still feel very protective of her but she drives me crazy on a practical level when we visit. I can't cope with the chaos. So our relationship might be a bit more difficult if we lived by each other!
We both just had our DDs within a few day of each other, first DC in both cases. I think that has made us closer too.

However if she behaved like your brother, we wouldn't be talking. Life is too short to spent time and effort on people that make you feel like shit.