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Original poster

Working Mums too tired to have sex with Husbands

33 replies

Charisma · 07/05/2002 12:58

Hi

Did anyone read the article in Saturday's Daily Mail newspaper on working mums being too tired to make time to make love with their partners? There were 4 working women in fairly high powered or long distance jobs who were giving their thoughts on the matter under fairly similar circumstances. They all felt that they were too tired to find time for hubby. Their ages varied between 30 qnd 45.

In our case, there is some truth in it coz we are now making love a lot less than when we first met, but IMO, there's more to it than just me working. We have 3 sons, we both work full time (though not on the same days so even our days off do not coincide!) ?

My husband brought it to my attention and asked me whether I thought it was any different for non working mums. Any thoughts anyone??

OP posts:
Azzie · 07/05/2002 13:39

I don't think it's just tiredness. When I'm with the kids, every time I stop they want me to do something, and one or the other (or both) grabs me or climbs all over me or wants to sit on my lap. After an hour or two of that, the last thing I want when I go to bed is someone else all over me! (Interestingly they don't do this very much with dh - if he sits down to read the paper he largely gets left alone - no wonder he doesn't really get how I feel).

aloha · 07/05/2002 13:49

I have to say, I don't think it's anything to do with work either. I just don't feel the same anymore about sex. The demands of a baby are so intense, tiring, all consuming and physical that sometimes (er, often) sex just feels like another demand on me. I really, really, really want to lie in bed with a book and be quiet and self-contained and then sleep and sleep - I actually think during sex, 'I could be asleep by now!'. I feel bad about this, and don't think it's fair on my dh, but I am so off sex it's not true. I would love to know if this total lack of libido will ever pass.

threeangels · 07/05/2002 21:56

Aloha, you sound just like me. This sounds really horrible Because I know Im hurting my husband but we probally get intimate once a month if that. I just dont feel interested much anymore. I think after 13 years of marriage and three kids. Im just too tired for that. Im thinking I might have a hormonal imbalance which could be one of the reasons why im uninterested in sex anymore. I sure miss feeling like I did years ago.

Original poster
Charisma · 07/05/2002 22:14

Aloha, I laughed out loud when I read your "I could be asleep now!" coz I've been there myself. Terrible, isn't it. And worse still, my hubby thinks the longer he takes the more macho he is!!

Just out of interest, do you all work? Does it make a difference do you think?

OP posts:
Azzie · 08/05/2002 09:28

Charisma, I work 4 days a week, but I don't think that is causing the problem. I find the 3 days a week I spend full-time with my kids more exhausting than work (more fulfilling, though). My dh pulls his weight with the kids pretty well, so I'm not trying to do absolutely everything. As I said, for me it's a combination of tiredness due to lack of sleep (I don't sleep as well as I did before having kids, and I need my sleep) and being physically crowded all the time. I guess I just need my space a bit.

SueW · 08/05/2002 11:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Tillysmummy · 08/05/2002 12:26

I actually love making love still and sometimes feel frustrated that we don't enough. We average once or twice a week. But more often than not once.

I do understant the tiredness thing because more often than not I am just too knackered and fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow but when we have made the effort I always feel so great afterwards. It's such a good stress relief.

Azzie · 08/05/2002 12:45

After having ds our sex life was pretty good - less frequent perhaps than pre-ds but of greater quality. It's only since having child no. 2 (who sleeps less soundly than her brother) that our sex life has gone downhill. When we do it's highly enjoyable, it's just that I've somewhat lost the will to get started! I wonder also if psychologically it has something to do with the fact that I just can't face taking the risk (however slight) of falling pregnant again - dh would love more, but I've definitely finished!

Tillysmummy · 08/05/2002 12:49

I know what you mean about can't be bothered to get started because I often feel like that and then if and when we do am jolly glad I have.

sobernow · 08/05/2002 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crispy · 08/05/2002 14:00

I;ve changed my name for this post, hope you understand girls. The reason I am not interested in sex is that my dh, since losing his job, sits round all day and says he's depressed. Money is really tight and I don't earn enough to support us. Meanwhile I do all the household organising, make sure bills get paid, work full time etc. I can't ask him to get off his butt and do something, because of the depression. I am beginning to lose respect for him, which may be the beginning of the end. He seems to be able to leave reality behind and have sex, but I have never felt so uninterested in my life.

Help me out here.

Original poster
Charisma · 08/05/2002 14:16

Crispy, sorry to hear about your situation. I presume it is not just the sex that's gone but a whole lot more.

Do you think you can get him out of the house to do other things i.e. not related to the work situation at all to try and get him to see new things?

My hubby was made redundant last year and began by feeling sorry for himself and not doing much all day. I then asked him to do one thing - take the older boys aged 5 and 7 for their swimming lesson once a week. He initially found every excuse in the book but eventually went with them. The first time he just sat around but the 2nd time my older son persuaded him to join them in the pool and they apparently had a great time. Thereafter he slowly started to "recover" and subsequently got a new job. I know it was not directly as a result of the swimming, but I think the change meant we had him two hours less for him to feel sorry for himself.

BTW, while he was sitting around, I bit my lip and did not ask him for extra help around the house because I felt itwas something he did not enjoy at the best of times, he was unlikely to find it fun under the new circumstances. Hard work I know, but it paid off. Hope this helps.

Chin up and all that. You are not alone!!

OP posts:
Rhiannon · 08/05/2002 20:13

crispy, drag him along to see the GP, make the appointment for him and make sure he goes. It sounds like he may need some short term medication.

I must be desperately depressing for your husband, bear with him it'll get better. R

Osama · 05/06/2010 18:47

I'm afraid I missed that article.

Littlefish · 05/06/2010 18:53

Osama - this thread is 8 years old!

Osama · 05/06/2010 18:54

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Littlefish Sat 05-Jun-10 18:53:37
Osama - this thread is 8 years old!

Oh is it. Doesn't time fly.

secunda · 05/06/2010 18:56

Well it's back in the Mail again this week!

TDiddy · 05/06/2010 21:20

Article is 8 years old but it is common issue, isn't it.

TotallyWipedout · 05/06/2010 21:22

Only working mums?????! Come off it, Daily Mail.

Anniegetyourgun · 06/06/2010 08:26

It just goes to show how long that hideous rag has been on this "get back in the kitchen, woman" kick. It's a troll with its own newspaper. Unfortunately some people actually believe it.

Dalex · 06/06/2010 20:26

I used to be a complete sex maniac before kids but i have no idea what happened. I work f/t and have two little ones, have had my hormones checked for an imbalance but I also feel sorry for my husband. He has stopped trying now and I am beginning to feel miserable and unattractive. Like you lot, once I get cracking its fab but it is mustering up the will. It's the last thing I think about when we go to bed.
Does anyone have any answers?

TDiddy · 06/06/2010 20:37

Hmmm, this seems all too common.

Do you find any time for exercise? I suspect that if you could squeeze the time out your busy programme for high intensity exercise then that would help?

womblingfree · 07/06/2010 00:10

I was really interested to see this post as I have been thinking about this myself lately.

I went back to work 3 dys a weeks when DD was 18 weeks old and our sex life never got back to where it was before she was born. I was then made redundant when she was nearly 4 and within a few months we had well and truly gotten our groove back!

I went back to work after 18 months at home with DD 6 months ago - we've made love about 4 times since then .

IME, working (even part-time) definitely does not help your sex life when you have kids!

Dalex · 07/06/2010 21:11

T Diddy,
I really struggle to find time to exercise either. As I work FT I am reluctant to give up more time my the kids to go exercise. I have two knee replacements due to netball before I was 35! I would love to go back and play again but I know what the potential consequences are. To be honest, all I want to do once kids are in bed is eat supper, study for Phd and have a glass of wine before bed. Am I that bad and the only one who does this?

SolidGoldBrass · 07/06/2010 21:19

Mostly, working women are too tired because they are working outside the home and then doing another fulltime job inside it. Men who do their fair share of housework get more and better sex because men who don't pull their weight very quickly turn sex into yet another chore that their partners are expected to do for them.