Not sure what to think - boyfriend of 5 months called me naive yesterday.
Scene was roughly us sitting down at this packed restaurant. There was a couple at the table next to us. As soon as I sat down I could feel the man looking gawping at me. I tried to ignore, pretended I hadn't noticed. We ordered. My bf went to toilet. Man stared quite openly, as if he was trying to make eye contact, wife noticed, looked towards me. Man looked away. Bf came back. Man kept looking but fairly more discreetly until they left.
When they left I told bf I was relieved they'd finished because I didn't fancy having a lech gawping like this throughout my meal. Bf didn't seem to have noticed, seemed incredulous. Then said that I was pretty and it was naive of me to think men weren't going to look at me because I didn't want them to.
Dunno, can't decide whether what he said is a red flag or whether he just didn't realise he said something patronising and it's me who's too sensitive. My ex was a physically/sexually abusive cheating sleaze who obsessed over me cheating with any men I came into contact with and made my life hell. He also used to gaslight me and call me naive whenever I pulled him up on his behaviour. I feel very uneasy about males looking at me, in fact it can still be triggering for me (which bf doesn't know).
Boyfriend hadn't put a foot wrong so far, always respectful and no games, quite a gentle soul really, he seemed to like me for me. It's one of the things I liked about him, and since yesterday I feel maybe actually he's no different, I just didn't realise it. I might be naive but I just didn't like this other diner staring the way he did - so disrespectful towards his wife.
I clammed up when he said that because I was already feeling quite rattled by the staring. I'm not sure whether I should mention it again.