Didn't want to get to this point but I can no longer put it off.
So I left the marriage last August but finally moved out this April into private rented. We have two children, 8 & 6
The separation was extremely amicable and there were very few rows.
Kids wise; we agreed joint custody. 50/50 split over two weeks - alt nights and alt weekends. Verbal agreement.
We own a property with significant (i.e over 100K) equity in it. Ex lives there. I left all furniture and a significant proportion of joint possessions to minimise disruption to kids.
As there is so much equity there, I am obviously not entitled to housing benefit. I work part time (70%) as a teacher.
But.. to say I have struggled financially would be the understatement of the year. The financial separation was also very amicable. We agreed each to take on a proportion of the debts. In return for me moving out; ex agreed to take on full responsibility for the mortgage in return for not giving me any financial support. In return, my 'interest' in the equity would be frozen at that point. So any monies accrued in the house after April would be his if we sold.
Right so, I have bent over backwards to make the split amicable at considerable personal cost to my mental health. He has met someone which is cool but he has been consistently overstepping boundaries for some good time now. Two in particular are; allowing his girlfriend to stop overnight (only been together a few months) when the children were in the house. I had said I was happy for her to meet the kids and be introduced but then that very same night I learnt after the fact that she had stopped overnight. Whilst it is his business, I had fully expected that we would have a conversation about appropriateness and timing.. that was the understanding we both undertook. I then discovered recently that he was planning to move her in after Xmas but again failed to tell me so that we could both manage the expectations of the kids. They have only been together say 5 or 6 months? In both cases I backed down for the sake of keeping our friendship good for the kids. In the past he has also demanded my keys back off me. I did get angry at this; he surely has no right to prevent access to my property?
In addition, she is selling her home but he is refusing to take any money from her in return for her excepting a contribution to utilities. She could potentially be in a position to buy me out. I would have my equity and my standard of life would significantly improve.
To slightly complicate matters, he did release 12% of the value of the equity to me. But he is in no position to buy me out on a remortgage. This agreement was not put in writing.
So where do I stand legally? I now need that money in the house and I am utterly tired of having the rug pulled out from under me where the kids are concerned. My understanding is that we are joint legal owners as both names are on deeds and my name is still on the mortgage. I understand that he has slightly more equity than me so I have a beneficial financial interest. I now want to sell, he is refusing.
Girlfriend is young and is displaying a lack of judgement generally. I now feel that I should push for greater custody. I have tried to put the kids best interests first but there is a fine line of doing that and me being a total doormat.
I obviously need legal advice and it looks as if divorce now has to happen. Except I am in no position to pay for any of it. I feel utterly stuck and trapped and totally bewildered as to what my rights are.
Need advice, can anyone help?