Forcing a house sale

[violettahatesoperatta]

Didn't want to get to this point but I can no longer put it off.

So I left the marriage last August but finally moved out this April into private rented. We have two children, 8 & 6

The separation was extremely amicable and there were very few rows.

Kids wise; we agreed joint custody. 50/50 split over two weeks - alt nights and alt weekends. Verbal agreement.

We own a property with significant (i.e over 100K) equity in it. Ex lives there. I left all furniture and a significant proportion of joint possessions to minimise disruption to kids.

As there is so much equity there, I am obviously not entitled to housing benefit. I work part time (70%) as a teacher.

But.. to say I have struggled financially would be the understatement of the year. The financial separation was also very amicable. We agreed each to take on a proportion of the debts. In return for me moving out; ex agreed to take on full responsibility for the mortgage in return for not giving me any financial support. In return, my 'interest' in the equity would be frozen at that point. So any monies accrued in the house after April would be his if we sold.

Right so, I have bent over backwards to make the split amicable at considerable personal cost to my mental health. He has met someone which is cool but he has been consistently overstepping boundaries for some good time now. Two in particular are; allowing his girlfriend to stop overnight (only been together a few months) when the children were in the house. I had said I was happy for her to meet the kids and be introduced but then that very same night I learnt after the fact that she had stopped overnight. Whilst it is his business, I had fully expected that we would have a conversation about appropriateness and timing.. that was the understanding we both undertook. I then discovered recently that he was planning to move her in after Xmas but again failed to tell me so that we could both manage the expectations of the kids. They have only been together say 5 or 6 months? In both cases I backed down for the sake of keeping our friendship good for the kids. In the past he has also demanded my keys back off me. I did get angry at this; he surely has no right to prevent access to my property?

In addition, she is selling her home but he is refusing to take any money from her in return for her excepting a contribution to utilities. She could potentially be in a position to buy me out. I would have my equity and my standard of life would significantly improve.

To slightly complicate matters, he did release 12% of the value of the equity to me. But he is in no position to buy me out on a remortgage. This agreement was not put in writing.

So where do I stand legally? I now need that money in the house and I am utterly tired of having the rug pulled out from under me where the kids are concerned. My understanding is that we are joint legal owners as both names are on deeds and my name is still on the mortgage. I understand that he has slightly more equity than me so I have a beneficial financial interest. I now want to sell, he is refusing.

Girlfriend is young and is displaying a lack of judgement generally. I now feel that I should push for greater custody. I have tried to put the kids best interests first but there is a fine line of doing that and me being a total doormat.

I obviously need legal advice and it looks as if divorce now has to happen. Except I am in no position to pay for any of it. I feel utterly stuck and trapped and totally bewildered as to what my rights are.

Need advice, can anyone help?

I would move back in, you should not be struggling financially whilst your ex lives comfortably in your home. You have agreed to pay rent elsewhere whilst owning a property and not seeing any gain? Get these to a lawyer pronto and move back in til an equitable agreement is sorted.

Its a good question. He earns 45K I earn 20K

Another question.

Mortgage is £715, rental on a place that size would be possibly 1.2K to 1.3K (Big semi, 3 bed, big garden, garage etc)

In lie of the arrangement, would I not be able to claim the difference from him?

Your questions can only be answered by a solicitor.

CSA/CMS is only based on the bare minimum. It is not the appropriate way to work out fair splits of things when you are divorcing with largish assets.

You need to speak to a solicitor as a court works out child/spousal support differently to CSA/CMS based on how to keep each partner as equal and as independent as possible.

I'd move back in too - you may hate it but it'd be a cosy setup of you plus XH and new gf and your DCs all the time. Might push him to make a decision to be agreeable about sale/ buying you out

The only way forward with this is speaking to a solicitor IMO.

You will not get the advice or support you need from here. You should not make any agreements with him without legal advice.

Your share of the house is likely to be bigger because you took the hit of childcare by going part-time and earn less than him therefore.

Now you have moved out you can't just move back in btw. You gave up occupation rights when you left.

Is that right Offred? Surely I have joint tenancy and name on deeds. I own the house with him.

Don't want to go back anyway.. unhappy house. I now have a lovely cottage :-)

You have a legal and financial interest in the property but having left you can't just go back. He is the occupier. You wouldn't be happy if your landlord just decided to move in with you would you? Same thing. He is the occupier. You occupy another property.

OK. What about the disparity between market rental value and the mortgage?

So helpful BTW thank you :-)

You should get access to the property within limits but he is now the sole occupier. That's the basis of your right to claim some rent from him, that you are deprived of occupiers rights in a property you have financial interest in.

Yes that makes sense.

You will have to work that out with solicitors.

It is going to be more tricky because you have made an agreement with him and both of you have acted in reliance on that agreement, you need to get advice on how to go back on that agreement. It should be possible due to the lack of legal advice at the time and the fact it significantly disadvantages you.

But it is definitely a job for a solictor. You should start with working out what would be fair and then the solicitor should help you make a new agreement with him.

He is very likely to argue that the original agreement should be upheld because it puts him in a better position and until you get to court you need him to comply with things.

What I agreed with my xh (not divorced) is increased child support because of our relative financial positions and the fact I was walking away from the house and he couldn't afford to make a lump sum payment. He might be agreeable to something like that as he may be able to stay in the house then. I don't own the house. We put it in his name only because I was a SAHM and don't have the equity you do so it is different but a solicitor can help you work out something fairer.

I would be entitled to up to 70% of the equity though if I was minded to go for a beneficial interest and put about £6.5k of my own money into building repairs while I lived there.

But like you I don't want to live there and am happy in rented though do qualify for HB as only a beneficial rather than a legal interest in the property.

Bloody great advice, thank you.

I cannot believe I have been so stupid. But at the time I was focusing on handling the split from kids POV and managing that. Plus scraping the deposit together.

I should get maximum £2,500 per month to pay off the maximum share of the house until youngest is 18. We have 50/50 care too. I am happy with less than half that. I get £906 per month in child support. We worked that out based on what we both needed to be able to afford living separately. He will keep the house.

We would get into problems if he stopped paying which is why I have not divorced him yet.

Yes, understandable!

It does not have to be acrimonious just because solicitors are involved btw. It would be sensible for both of you as you have high amount of equity and DC.

Would he be amenable to a discussion along the lines of "look I'm struggling financially with the current arrangement and I've found I can't manage to work things out myself as they are too complicated. I'm going to go and see a solicitor to help me work things out. You might want to see one too so we can make sure everyone is protected and there's likelihood for fighting. Please don't interpret this as an aggressive move, I'm keen to help work things out so we are both ok."

*less likelihood of fighting!

Solicitors that are signed up to the organisation 'resolution' are concerned with helping resolve things without unnecessary fighting. You could mention to him that you will look into that.

No thanks for that.

I can see very clearly now that I have been waaaayyy to generous. An unpleasant incident last night prompted this thread today but I can see it was actually a cloud with a silver lining.

It will be easier and less stressful for everyone involved if you can work together to make an arrangement that is fair and within reason satisfies everyone's objectives. If he wants to stay in the house you can look at regular payments followed by a lump sum when the children have grown up and he wants to sell the house/can afford it. You need money to live now. It should be possible to make an agreement that works for both of you. He should be able to see, if he is reasonable, that leaving you without enough income to live but equity in the house puts him at risk of being forced to sell.