My ex apparently got married and I've got the rage

[pocketsaviour]

Found out last night that my ex - we split in early 2013 after getting engaged at Xmas 2012 - got married. Not even recently. In mid 2014, so a little over a year after we broke up.

He was a lying, cheating, thieving, selfish scumbag. He dumped me by phone while he was working away, the cowardly shit, 3 days before I was due to start a new job, which meant I had to not only cope with the demands of the new job but also move house at the same time.

While I was in training for the new job, which entailed staying out of town during the week, he logged into my email account and deleted a string of emails between us showing that I had lent him £3.5k to buy a car and where he had agreed to pay it back.

He told me the reason for the split was that he wanted to move to London and I didn't. Of course it transpired he was actually moving straight in with another woman - the mother of his two oldest children.

Up until last night I believed they had split up and I was okay with that because it felt like he hadn't "got away with it" if you know what I mean?

Now I find out he married her and I have a really bitter taste in my mouth.

Why do I give a shit? He is a scumbag and I'm better off without him. But have spent most of the night tossing and turning with a combination of anger and anxiety. And now I've got a long train journey and two days away from home for work. Argh.

I completely understand your rage pocketsaviour. My ex told me he wanted space etc. I found out at the start of this year that he had moved in with another woman a few months after he left me. She was married with two very young children. Its been over 18 months since he left and it still hurts. He left calling me a slut/liar, accusing me of cheating when he was probably projecting everything. I feel angry, hurt, upset that someone who allegedly loved me for 9 years could behave in such a way.

Getting over it is easier said than done. I'm still blaming myself, should have done things differently and then theres the thought that I just wasn't enough. Crap...

Thank you all so much. I hate being in hotels, but I've been to the gym, had a nice hot bath and had a delicious and healthy room service meal. I'm definitely feeling the love from you all ❤

Kat I am a geek (software and Web developer). Unfortunately - so was he! He covered his tracks very well.

In retrospect I should have saved the email to desktop, or better, printed out a repayment agreement for him to sign. But I trusted him. I really never thought he would do something like that. It wasn't til several months after he left that I went looking for the emails and realised what had happened, because up til then I had believed (or wanted to believe) that he would eventually start paying me.

City
He left calling me a slut/liar, accusing me of cheating when he was probably projecting everything.

Spot on. Do you know, my ex was so judgemental about close friends of mine who are in a polyamorous arrangement. When we were starting out, I explained I didn't really do monogamy, and he said that was a deal breaker for him. I loved him by that stage, so I agreed to be exclusive. Honestly he made me feel like a bit of a slag for my position. And then he couldn't keep his dick in his pants! Total hypocrite!

I think there is a lot of projection with guys like this.

The positive of this is that I'm a lot more practised at spotting this type of behaviour now (with friends, colleagues, relatives too) so there is less chance I will be taken in by this bullshit in future.

Oh yes pocket, I too am now adept at projection spotting due to copious amounts of psych reading. But yet still feel very much to blame. Over analysis of my behaviour I suppose. I wasn't the one cheating but yet all projected onto me. Recent texts from him and he still won't fess up...

Oh pocket nothing to add, but wanted to add my name to the love fest.

Signed my application for Decree Nisi today (feels like the world's slowest divorce). Suddenly occurred to me that my Twunt of an ex might marry TrophyGF. Was a weird feeling.

I get where you're coming from.

Hope you're having room service pudding too.

Congrats on the next step Handy

I don't get on with sugar, so no pudding, but I did treat myself to a rare glass of - since its on expenses

Hi pocket you give such caring advice to.posters on here ..i don't know what to.say except I hope you find a way to channel that rage productively until it finally dissipates which it will.
The best gift to yourself is to fully recover and toast your final exit emotionally from this git .its a fabulous feeling when you look at them.and see them for what they truly are .

HandyWiseWoman Does any man ever get divorced without the TG or OW waiting in the wings for him?.

I can understand why you may well be upset, i suppose its along the lines of "whatever do you see in her, or sometimes him over me".

pocketsaviour I can only echo what's been said above. You've spent countless hours on this board shelling out great relationship advice not least about safe hooking up So I hope you're able to reflect and look at the situation as though you were advising an OP in your circumstances. He was a prat of the highest order and you are well shot of him. Of course finding out that he pranced off into the twilight with his ex does sting but you know him for who he is. Those sorts of men do not change their colours and you know it! &