My ex apparently got married and I've got the rage

[pocketsaviour]

Found out last night that my ex - we split in early 2013 after getting engaged at Xmas 2012 - got married. Not even recently. In mid 2014, so a little over a year after we broke up.

He was a lying, cheating, thieving, selfish scumbag. He dumped me by phone while he was working away, the cowardly shit, 3 days before I was due to start a new job, which meant I had to not only cope with the demands of the new job but also move house at the same time.

While I was in training for the new job, which entailed staying out of town during the week, he logged into my email account and deleted a string of emails between us showing that I had lent him £3.5k to buy a car and where he had agreed to pay it back.

He told me the reason for the split was that he wanted to move to London and I didn't. Of course it transpired he was actually moving straight in with another woman - the mother of his two oldest children.

Up until last night I believed they had split up and I was okay with that because it felt like he hadn't "got away with it" if you know what I mean?

Now I find out he married her and I have a really bitter taste in my mouth.

Why do I give a shit? He is a scumbag and I'm better off without him. But have spent most of the night tossing and turning with a combination of anger and anxiety. And now I've got a long train journey and two days away from home for work. Argh.

Oh god, I've used the word closure. I hate that word

going Good for you!

I had left his details in my contacts - I thought at some point he might finally do the right thing and arrange to start paying me back the money he borrowed, as he promised. Naive! I'm deleting the fucker right now!

Chris I hate that word too!

I've just looked and he rang me once and his number is there unsaved. Not quite ready to delete that though I've not rung him on it. Past experience tells me I have more success when I do things because they instinctively feel right and not because I should. It will be done very soon though.

Going, I waited for the right time too. It felt great doing it. As though a final weight was lifted.

It is ridiculous how many times we've broken up and somehow find ourselves back in touch. I then have to get over him all over again even if all we've done is text .

You're a human bean!! You give awesome advice pocketsaviour (serial name changer here) and he was significant to you in good ways before the bad. Humans are so complex, full of contradiction and grey areas, that are hard to acknowledge through a computer screen.

You are strong, successful and complete in yourself. I hope the time comes that you feel able to choose whether you want another relationship rather than feeling unable. You might choose singleness - but there is power in getting to the point where it's a choice. Just IMO.

whatever he did to you, he'll do to her eventually.
you took out the garbage, she then took it into her house.
good luck to them - they'll need it.

pocketsaviour your a soldier, you've been caught off guard emotionally. I've read countless posts from you offering sterling advice to others. It's your turn to let us support you. He's got form for stuffing up relationships. And, he's a coward to boot. Well and truly rid pocket

ohhh pocketsaviour please remember to thoroughly enjoy your rage at the idiot who was never good enough for you. You are a star on MN, give awesome insight and advice. We all feel for you but in truth, every shitty experience you've survived has made you the irrepressible gorgeous YOU we all think so highly of.

Perhaps we can pool our shared fury and disgust into one huge astral ball of stinging dung and drop it on him from a great etheric height?

He married the mother of his children? His Ex from before you? Was she even aware that they ever had split up or did he tell her he's "working away" or some such?

Hey pocket don't be too hard on yourself. You were engaged to him and now you find out he's married his ex. You thought this would be your life so completely natural to find yourself giving a shit.

You are well shot of him but there were clearly good parts to your relationship otherwise you wouldn't have got engaged. It is normal to miss the good bits even if the good bits were attached to a twat.

Go easy on yourself for a few days and then remember what a scumbag he is and see it as a positive you're not still together.

You give such good advice on here, I always like reading your posts, sorry you are feeling shit.

Like a lot of shock news that bothers you it is on your mind for a few weeks days and then it starts to fade and you stop caring so much. With any luck this will fall into that category.

Reni, if you read the thread, these are adult children and there were other children from another relationship before pocket, so I think she was probably aware that they weren't together for a while there :o

Chris did you shorten your name earlier in this thread or was that someone else. You know you've got the best name on the site and you're not allowed to change it ever?!!

It was me! I was trying to sort out my...

Seasonal name change!

Very good Chris like it.

I was going to say similar toprincessconsuelabannahammock - the best revenge is a life lived well. I walked away from my abusive ex with almost nothing, although we had more than £100K of joint assets. Every time we met to discuss the division, he changed the goalposts, and I eventually decided I needed to get on with my life more than I needed the money.

I look back, and have never had a moments regret over leaving and forgetting his existence. You need a while to grieve, but you are better off.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and shared experience. It really warms my cockles to be part of such a supportive community

And FuckYouChristmas that's a brilliant nc

You are so much better without that milstone around your neck xx

You are pocketsaviour. You are kind and caring, and have given countless hours on here to offer support to strangers. - FuckYouChris
I've only been on MN a few days (but have done a lot of reading) and you, pocket, are someone whose name I already recognise from a number of posts which are indeed kind and caring. So I hope the rage soon passes and that maybe in 2016 you will find someone good to share your life.

I am joining in the love fest for you, ps

We haven't always agreed but I respect your intellect massively

You are one of the good guys and he is a twat. That is all.

You feel that love, pocket.

Feel that love, find closure, and lots of other americanisms.

Don't make me get trite on your ass!

You know what OP, you may as well move on and enjoy your life. Forget about him, he's not worth the headspace. You have better things to do with your time than spend it feeling angry. Anger is an emotion that sucks the happiness out of life, so why waste that time being miserable. When you start thinking about how happy he is, you look at your life and all the good things in it.

One of the sayings I go by in life is "Appreciate everything that comes your way, big or small, good or bad. They'll make you happy or a stronger person, but most of all they will shape who you are". Your best bet is to act like you don't care because I guess (and I could be wrong) that he may want to get back at you, and one way that many men try to do this is to get married to another woman. Laying down the foundations for a better life and living well is the best way to get back at him.

Oh, and one other thing..............you can do it. Forget your ex. You have better things to look forward to in life

you could have retrieved the deleted email there are ways ;) if you didn't know how find a geek to do it in the future especially if it involves large sums of money like you mentioned.