Ex husband wants me to look after his nan for good divorce.

[jojo9999]

Hi everyone,

I recently left my husband a few months ago to start a new life with my lover. Everything seems to be going smoothly and both of us are looking forward to our bright future ahead.

My main concern is that i received an email from my ex husband last week asking me to come home to look after the animals (3 cats) and his nan (who is now ill). I was with my ex husband for 8 years and before leaving him we bought a new house and it was something i always wanted. I wont go in to detail but the main reason i wanted a fresh start was to get away from him due to his controlling behaviour / mental abuse. Because i left, it meant he has less income to pay the bills, and says he may lose the house and also may need to put the animals in to care (which i love dearly). He also told me his working longer hours to try to balance his payments. His nan has fallen ill and he also needs me to take care of her, and ive known her since ive known my ex husband.

Im in a dilemma and need some advise about the email he sent me. He wants me to go down and live with him for a 'few months' and in return he would give me a 'good' divorce. Main reason is for me to take care of his nan and the animals while he tries to sort himself out.

Im not sure whether this is a good idea and whether its fair on my lover. If i do go down, im scared if i get confused and whether my ex husband somehow convinces me to stay and work on the broken relationship.

I do not love my ex husband but he does get inside my head at times and he can read me like a book. Im very fragile and stressed out of this whole situation. I just want to move on with my new lover. Im scared incase if i dont go down and do what he wants, then he may get nasty. If his nan dies, and i didnt go down, i may regret it and again my ex husband will never forgive me. Of course if his nan was in hospital i will visit but he says that she is 'ill'.

I have replied to him saying if i go down it would be on these terms, to go down 1-2 days a week to look after his nan, and animals, but he replied to say this is not good enough and then he repeated his first email saying it needs to be a 'few' months.

Please help me. Im sick and stressed. I just want to put this to bed.

xx

[R3alxmastr33]

Go and see a solicitor for advice asap. You may have some bills you need to pay towards. I would get things arranged formally

Do NOT go back to your husband or the house

His nan is not your responsibility

Set up your own bank account asap

If you want the cats suggest a neutral public place for collection. Cats already in a pet carrier ready for transfer

Ignore all comments about "good or bad divorce"

[Potatoface2]

im worried about the cats !

[TheoriginalLEM]

this is all sorts of fucked up

[QuiteLikely5]

How on earth can he give you a good divorce if he has no money to even live and is struggling without your income

[MsJamieFraser]

Will you stop saying lover, it's giving me the itch, I don't need to know that your shaggin someone.

Yanbu, you do not need to take care of his grandmother, however if they are your animals then you have responsibility to make sure they are well cared for.

[aginghippy]

Why are people being so hard on the op about her vocabulary? She came on here for advice and support regarding her exh, not sub-editing of her writing.

Maybe she is not a native English speaker? Maybe the equivalent term in her language doesn't have the same nuances as 'lover' does in English?

If you are still reading this thread, please get legal advice jojo. If money is an issue, it is possible to go to a solicitor for advice about what you need to do, but still represent yourself in the divorce proceedings.

[Shutthatdoor]

How on earth can he give you a good divorce if he has no money to even live and is struggling without your income

Good point.

[2rebecca]

I think the use of the word lover didn't ring true and the OP has now disappeared.

[P1nkP0ppy]

If this was reversed and your bf was going back to his ex, how would you feel?
Don't do it, get legal advice and offer to re home or take the cats.