Told me he loves me, we can't be together, can things stay like they were?

[Lostyu5]

I've been friends with a man 12 years my senior, for 2 years. He's divorced and has 3 kids. He doesn't want anymore.

I'm 30 and do want kids very much. On that basis nothing has ever happened between us. I'm fact he's had a partner for the last 2 years. I'm currently single but dating.

Last week, we were both drunk, he told me he loved me, and had done for a few months. He said he understood regarding children and that me and him would never be anything because he respected the fact I do want them. He also said he felt perhaps I felt love too, even if not to the same extent. He is right, I have felt I loved him for months but didn't say because of the children reason.

We have talked about it since and he said he couldn't keep it from me any longer and he doesn't want to hurt me, that he will always be there for me and can't imagine not being in my life in the same way he always has.

This has confused me. I sort of knew he felt this way, we had never even kissed or said anything about it, because there is no point. I knew he went home to his new ish partner and he knows I go on dates.

Now it has been said, can we realistically go back to how it was before?

He's manipulative

My blood is boiling on behalf of his partner.

Go on then. Say you are this man's partner. You've been with him for two years. And you realise he's been telling ANOTHER WOMAN (not you) that he loves her and would really like to be with her if only X condition was different.

You seriously do not see what the problem is????? You'd be then posting on this board distraught at his emotional affair and the fact that he is sleeping with YOU, building a nest with YOU, and telling ANITHER WOMAN that he loves her and would love to be with her. You'd be posting on here bawling your eyes out.

Jesus fucking Christ.

He sounds like an emotional manipulator to me. There is no reason why you can't be together. He is no longer married. I agree he is setting you up for one of those I adore you but relationships. Steer clear.

I agree with focus.

You're not going to listen right now because those butterflies your feeling are really addictive and you won't want to give them up any time soon.

You can't go back the only way you won't fuck up and sleep with an attached man (which you both will justify as 'getting it out of your systems) is to go completely NC with each other.

You won't accept that yet though but I wouldn't have any more of those cosy chats while alone anymore.

He won't give you what you want but doesn't care for you enough to put his desires aside and encourage and support you to achieve yours? What a fucking arsehole. Stop listening to his drivel or you'll find yourself five years down the track being his guilty, secret shag while your fertility and chances of meeting a decent bloke fall off a cliff.

Next time you find him drunk and talking drivel pat him on the head say 'there there dear' and move on

He's with someone else. Yet he claims he loves you. Yet he won't break up his relationship with the other woman despite not being in love with her.

Either (a) he is polyamorous (which I seriously doubt as he would have mentioned it and this would be open and acknowledged), or (b) he is the sort of person who strings their partner along while he looks for a better option.

Leaving the issue of wanting children aside, just the fact that he is willing to string another person for whom he doesn't care that much while professing undying love to you would make me feel disgusted. Unless his relationship is on its last legs (in which case, he should leave it, regardless of whether he will be with your or not). Which, again, doesn't seem to be the case.

Not sure the OP is coming back now.

The thread would make hard reading, no doubt for OP. But, OP, no one is wanting to hurt you but actually save you from bigger and longer lasting pain.

It may seem like a pretty benign conversation. But it really isn't. It creates an intimacy that he (in a two year relationship) should not seek to have created.

He has put his wish to express his feelings to you, before his loyalty to his current partner. He has not considered how you might feel, so important is it for him to express his 'love'.

Give your full attention to your life. He may not seem to be a bad man. But he is. And that is why the situation is so dangerous.

Eww, he sounds horrible - his poor partner.