Porn

[ifeelsick]

Ok, here goes.....
I am regular on M/N, but have changed my name, because of what i am about right.
I have just been on the internet, checking if a song i have been trying to download had worked. I really don't know how to do it, as my DP always does it. So i am on the software flicking through it all, trying to figure out what to do.
I clicked on a 'download' button, and saw the word 'gay' and wondered what it was. When i clicked on it, it said 'young gay blowjobs.'
I haven't accesed it, obviously i don't want to see.
I feel REALLY sick, i am shaking like a leaf. I am no prude, and have seen porn myself. I know it bothers a lot of people on here, and there have been many threads about it, but it has never bothered me.
I know DP brings porn dvd's from lads at work, he doesn't hide the fact, because he knows i am not bothered - as long as they are well out of the way of the kids.
But why oh why would anyone access gay porn - if they weren't interested in this type of thing?
I really need some help - someone to talk to about this.
PLEASE!

Take a long deep breath...you are shocked and confused, but the main reason people seem to access all sorts of stuff that they are not actually 'into' is CURIOSITY, and 'because it's there'. Since porn generally does not cause friction between you and your DP, can you raise this with him in a calm, maybe amused, way, and just ask him if he's experimenting with his sexuality, or just nosey?

ifeelsick, can understand your concern and anger here...one thing just thought about....my dh also gets onto sites, women ans stuff and because of this our computer now seems to be the target for endless downloading of porn...is it at all possible that he has got onto the odd women site and this downloading has happened?? Could you ask him in a non-confrontational way is he does download porn, as you're concerned that you might be getting stuff you haven't asked for.

I think Baldrick may be right. There was a poor woman on here frantic and sick with fear that her husband was getting emails from women on dating sites....except they were all spam. I get them too (and offers of penis enlargement, hmm, useful!). I have a suspicion that this stuff may be getting onto your computer as spam.

I have never accessed porn from my PC but have had porn site pop-ups - I just put a block on them. There could be a perfectly innocent explanation - don't panic until you talk to dh!

Hmmm. And DP seems to have been signed up for an 'Instant Blind Date' dating service. I'm not remotely panicking, treating it like Viagara spam....should I be worried?

If you've been downloading music it is perfectly possible that the site you have downloaded from has put this on your PC. We had stuff from an italian porn house all over the PC for a while and friends had a problem with with Dutch stuff (again via a music site). Friends didn't know they had a problem until they had the DH's substitute father staying-who is a lovely but stid RC priest!!

Please calm down, IME it is perfectly possible that your DH is not hiding anything etc.

HTH

Well, i have calmed down a little.
I understand what you are all saying. We to get the spam emailsetc, i i have never for one minute worried about this.
This is slighty different. This is p/p software, where you download music etc from other peoples computers.
He would have had to type something very specific to have downloaded it.
Also, just gone back onto this software, and he has deleted the history on it, why would you do that if you had nothing to hide? He has never done this before.
It just makes me wonder...... I am scared to talk to him, because i am scared of the answer.

I don't quite understand what you mean as IME you are not actually downloading it from an individual but from a "host" (sorry, too much of a technophobe to know correct term).

I don't think you have any option but to ask your DH directly, you're going to screw yourself up until you do....

Even if he was looking it's probably just curiosity and he's deleted it becasue he's embarrased in case you saw it. Just because he's curious about certain types of porn doesn't mean he's actually into that. I quite like porn about grils and groups but would never dream of actually getting into anything like that - and I would be embarrased if dp caught me looking!

Ifeelsick, it is possible that dh has tried to download something innocent, and has been sent this porn instead. It does happen. You can search for a specific file, but you have to rely on the integrity of the file sharer to be sending the correct file iyswim.

I hope you manage to resolve this anyway .

if you had to press download that would mean it was not already on your pc, deep breaths, time for a chat with dh loveee
xx

I am calmer still now.
I have loked again, and realised that the file is only a few seconds long. So maybe it started to download, and he realised what it was and cancelled it... do you think?
I was also worried about how i was going to ask him about it. I have decided to put the software on when he is here later, and 'pretend' that i have just noticed it there and then, and then ask him what it is.
I hope i am made to feel silly, but there are other factors that have happened before that make me worry. Nothing too specific, just little things that have made me think.

ive often tried to look at a site and clicked on a sodding porn popup by accident...ive also found dodgy files all over my pc that i know i havent looked at and no-else lives with me so my pc is completely mine. porn has a wierd stinking way of getting on pcs!!

The fact it was for a few seconds sounds like a mistake. I would still bring it up with your DP as I'm sure this will put your mind at rest. larsxx

ifeesick how did last night go did yuo ask your dp?

Yes i did lolliepops.
He looked HUGELY shocked that i had seen it.
At first, he wouldn't even talk to me, just went red and looked at the floor.
Then he said he was 'confused', got up and went to bed.
Confused??? What does he mean by that??????? Now it is ME who is confused.

maybe he does find gay porn a turn on...doesn't mean he's gay, and if he does have bi feelings, certainly doesn't mean he would act on them by being unfaithful...can you accept gay porn in the way you accept hetero porn? why is gay porn much more threatening and upsetting: none of it is exactly a realistic portrayal of sex is it...so it's all fantasy...this echoes sponge's post of earlier on...i think you need to try and broach this again if he doesn't, as otherwise it will just sit between you: you both know that the other is thinking about it

i really feel for you and can see how hard this is for you...

ouch!

please try not to panic - his confusion may be just sheer embarrassment that you found such a thing. He may be confused about how it got on the PC?

hugs X

big hugs ifeelsick x
this man owes you some answers, typical male he is confused, what about poor you. guess no one can give any real advise untill you know what the hell is going on! lets us know we are here for you x x x

Message withdrawn

It is hard to get over though how difficult he is to talk to.
He is a very quiet person in general, talking about feelings etc are a NO GO topic for conversation.
So it is VERY difficult to talk about anything like this. Hence we have a 'difficult' relationship.
I don't want to end up like i have been over the last few Years, always wondering. For example, Years ago, i found some condoms, but i was on the pill. I have never asked to this day, he is that unaproachable.

i dont know how you can say nothing! you must be very plasid, easy going person. i dont know how you dont send yourself round the bend, i would be so curious i dont think i could not say anything. You know this man best if you feel there is something to worry about then you must ask him, and find someway of making him tell you. this is not fair on you, you deresve more respect from this man!

My machine was full of links to porn sites after I tried to download a song. There was spy ware all over my machine to and processes running that weren't mine. After Dh had finished yelling at me about downloading from a none peer to peer site it took him several hours to clear everything out of the registry and put it back to normal.

Do you not feel that you are contributing to his unapproachability by allowing such incidents to pass without comment? You have the right to answers to these questions and you certainly have the right to ask them! Perhaps it is your own fear of the answer which is stopping you from asking, which is understandable. However, I'm sure most people in similar situations would agree that it is the uncertainly which is the killer - not necessarily the answer.

i havent read all the messages, but from what i have read, when you said you found condoms even though you're on the pill, that may be nothing to worry about it, as im on the pill but my dp still has a condom in his wallet just in case i ever forget to take my pill.

When you said gay porn, do you mean two guys or two girls? or dont you know?