Porn

[ifeelsick]

Ok, here goes.....
I am regular on M/N, but have changed my name, because of what i am about right.
I have just been on the internet, checking if a song i have been trying to download had worked. I really don't know how to do it, as my DP always does it. So i am on the software flicking through it all, trying to figure out what to do.
I clicked on a 'download' button, and saw the word 'gay' and wondered what it was. When i clicked on it, it said 'young gay blowjobs.'
I haven't accesed it, obviously i don't want to see.
I feel REALLY sick, i am shaking like a leaf. I am no prude, and have seen porn myself. I know it bothers a lot of people on here, and there have been many threads about it, but it has never bothered me.
I know DP brings porn dvd's from lads at work, he doesn't hide the fact, because he knows i am not bothered - as long as they are well out of the way of the kids.
But why oh why would anyone access gay porn - if they weren't interested in this type of thing?
I really need some help - someone to talk to about this.
PLEASE!

Bit of an up-date for anyone interested.
A few days ago, i decided to check my computer again. When i went onto software for downloading music etc (it is called imesh if anyone has heard of it) there is a drop-down box, where you can see previous songs etc that you have searched for. (you can download music, videos, movies etc off other peoples computers.)
In the drop-down box, were things that had been searched for that are truely sick. I dont want to explaim what they were, as i dont even want to think about it. But some of the 'lesser' ones were about bodily-functions, there were other much worse things.
When DP got home from work, he asked waht was wrong straight away, as i was in a state.
I asked why he had been searching for sick things on imesh (nothing about gays this time.)
He again said he hadn't. He said that this had happened to him before, and he was fed up of being accused of these things, then went onto remove the whole programme from our computer.
I said that i would ask someone in the know, if these things could just appear in the search menu without anyone physically typing them in. So i went onto a support forum for imesh and asked on there.
I was told that there is no way, someone HAS to type it in.
Now i am in a dillema. We are still talking, but things dont feel the same between us. I wont let him near me in a sexual way, because i keep thinking what is he thinking IYSWIM.
There was such a broad scope of sick things, that if he has been searching, i feel it would just be curiosity. I really do know that he isn't 'into' some of these sick things that have been searched for, but in some ways, that doesn't make me feel any better.
Since this has been removed from this computer, the anti-virus protector has found lots of viruses, trojan horses etc. I have found out there have been hackers on our computer.
Any one computer minded know if there is anyway these hackers could have done these things?
I don't know if i am trying to make up excuses here, but i really need some advice.
I cant go on like this much longer.

Sounds like you should get someone in to look at the machine, completely clean it up and advise you if hackers could have been accessing the files you are worried about.
It would be terrible for you to lose trust in dh if all this really has nothing to do with him.
If it turns out that the porn has not come from the hackers then you have issues to address with dh but I wouldn't get into what if scenarios until you're sure. There could be an innocent explanation for all this after all.

ifeelsick, I've got no real knowledge of this, but do think it's very possible he's telling the truth.. do any of these viruses sound familiar (click each link to see a description)?

www.sophos.com/virusinfo/analyses/w32duloadc.html

Info about spyware

If you're really worried, keep a track of what you're clearing off the computer in terms of spyware and viruses, then compare it to what they do and see if that could be the cause.

HTH, I'm not a pc user, so don't experience with this.. but don't want you to be upset. Plus, if you caught him once, he'd probably delete it... that leads me to believe it is something else. I think he's acting innocent.

oops, to be clear, I think he's acting like he's innocent because he is.

I am sure everyone looks at porn to some degree. But its not nice especially if it is really sick. All you can do is have it out with him, i have often found things on here that dh must have looked at and i let him know that i have found it, and i most of the time delete it. Its mostly pics etc etc. Its horrible feeling isn't it?

I also told him to stop because we were constantly getting viruses.

what i don't understand here is: why would you have to download porn or any other material from the internet by using a specific downlaod program? I am not a computer wizard, but with my limited knowledge, i have the impression you'd only need a certain download programme for video/audio files (or other bigger files stored in a format like adobe or word etc on a website, where there is an obvious sign of some sort that it is a downloadable file and that's the only way you can access it.). i had a look at porn site when we first got the computer (curiosity and all that), i didn't look for specific things and only to see what is all the fuss about. it was quite clear where images would require downloading on the computer so i stayed clear of those, most photos would have just appeared on the screen anyway. mind, those were decent porn sites, so maybe there are other types of porn sites that do not warn you of possible downloads, or nmaybe things have changed from 5 years ago. also, during download it is quite easy to cancel/stop/delete the download as it progresses.
what i'm trying to say here is that he may well be innocent in the sense that he did not actively seek out specific pictures etc, but as a grown man with what appears to be a certain knowledge of computers, i find it v hard to believe he wasn't aware of these downloads (whether he let them complete or stopped them). i really don't think a hacker could download certain files on your copmputer by accessing a program from your own computers. although, there are way of monitoring your activity on the computer by these sort of people but have no idea how excatly it works. and at some point or another one of you would have detected an intrusion on your computer even without regularly running an antivirus software. as for the viruses themselves, most of them do come through attachments so that's in his defence.
what you need to do, is get a v good antivirus programme, save all the important files on a disk and unistall al the information , then start from the very begginin. howvere, if doing so, not all the information will be deleted from the hard-disk. what you need to completely delete everything is either a computer repair shop or a programe reccomended in the sunday times the other week (will post link later tonight). give DP the benefit of the doubt and keep an eye on his computer activities for a while.

another idea. if using windows you can have a look at Temporary Internet Files and Cookies to see what has been accessed (that's provided they haven't been deleted manually). The history folder (which is set in IE Properties) also shows recently accessed sites if it has not been manually deleted and depending on its setting (i.e keep files on history for 1 day or for 20 days say)

couldn't find the link on the sunday times website so here is teh actual text i've typed. although, proabaly not the best procedure to attempt at home unless you need to get rid of the computer as in the question here.
Q: we have a computer we would like to donate to charity. how can we wipe all the information?
A: Pop over to www.heidi.ie/eraser and download the free Eraser program. Install, read the instructions very carefully and erase away. the software doesn't only delete data, but overwrites it 35 times to make it unrecoverable.

Hi ifeelsick - I had the same experience with my XDP -finding temp. internet files of porn sites. Nothing too weird in his case but I was shocked by the deception, the fact he'd been doing this without me knowing. Could never trust him again after that, whatever he said. Is this true for you?

Personally I hate porn of all kinds and think that male sexuality is basically very, very strange and alien, but that's just me!

Sorry not much help. Hope you manage to resolve this.

Thanks very much for the replys/information Branster.
It really is a very strange situation this. In a lot of ways we have a very good relationship. He really is a nice guy and a really good Dad. Since i found the other sick things on there, he has probably talked to me more openly than ever before.
I know when he is lying, he is very easy to 'read', looking at him it seems as if he is telling the truth, but i don't want to be taken for a fool.
I know from someone in the know IYKWIM, that there have been hackers on our computer, files have been deleted by them, and others added. There were ports open (whatever that means?!)
This has all been rectified now. I asked this friend about hackers and what they can do, and he said they can basically do anything on our computer that they can do on their own. (he knows nothing of the situation btw.)
There has never been anything on the temp. internet files, and they have never been deleted. So i agree that it is strange that these things are only being looked for through this specific programme, and not just through the internet.
Now i have to decide if i can just let this go, as i suppose i will never know the truth for sure, or if i am going to let it keep affecting me the way it is.
ATM i really don't know what to do.

Ifeelsick - I personally would let it go - you know your DP better than anyone else and if he looks like he is telling the truth i think you should believe him.

I know a fair bit about computers and tbh, what your friend told you about hackers being able to do whatever they like on your computer as if they were sitting in front of it, is completely true.

I hope you get this sorted out - just think though, all this time you go wondering whether it is your DP or not, he knows that you don't trust him 100% - can't be very nice for him if he is completely innocent

That is what i think springchicken. I would absolutely hate it if someone was accusing me of something, and i had no way of proving my inocence.
The more time goes by, the more i believe him.

it's nice to se you are more confident and positive at present about your dp. i'd say forget about all this because you think he's telling the truth and all that hacking bussiness is in his favour too. set your antivirus at a reasonable level of protection and keep it updated regularly. imagine how awful he must feel if he's telling the truth and you don't trust him! v difficult this one...i'm sorry i have no magic answer here. all the best ifeelsick !

Sorry to be thick, but do you mean that if I keep getting mail with viruses as an attatchment to my email address and 'spyware' popups, this indicates that porn has been accessed from my computer?

i really don't know how it works oxocube, but they would not neccesarly be generated by accesing a porn site exclusively (i imagine you'd get them by accessing any knid of sites, but i assume propers sites like mumsnet or waitrose wouldn't lead to your e-mail account being inundated with questionable e-mails). we use outlook express and have 2 accounts there (mine and dh's). dh's account is the default one and he gets lots of stupid e-mails unaccounted for and am sure some sites (or hackers maybe??) somehow find that particular e-mail address as being linked to our computer and when we'd have accesed some sites they generated loads of emails to be sent to that specific e-mail address. they probably also share this address with other idiots and it never ends. however, i have knowledge of all that's ever been accessd by ourselves in the past on the internet and apart from a couple of decent porn sites we looked at out of curiosity a good few years ago very briefly, there hasn't been anything else. so i presume a number of sites (comercial or informative) have the afcility of finding out and using the default e-nmail address without your knowledge or approval. i want to stress thought, all this is purely observational and based on our own circumstances, i speculate on the above and would apply to a windows sytem using IE and OE. i'm not very knowledgebla on computers myself but i maintain our own computer and that's what i found to be the case with us. have no idea how it all works but it makes me wonder...