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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How would you feel is your BF's response was 'we'll see'

76 replies

Tearsoffrustration · 09/12/2015 17:58

If you text them to say you were looking forward to having sex (not on so many words) the next time you see them

Basically he's in a huff because I'm out Friday night and Saturday night and won't see him until Sunday

OP posts:

Report

PushingThru · 09/12/2015 19:51

^not just you

WhatsGoingOnEh · 09/12/2015 19:56

Say, "Oh ok. We can catch up on Masterchef/Corrie/[similar old-fart-type programme] if you'd rather?"

VOyageOfDad · 09/12/2015 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum · 09/12/2015 20:00

Fucking hell, now we can't sext outlet partners for fear of it being seen as demanding sex or them just being a booty call!

I really struggle to understand some people on MN

PushingThru · 09/12/2015 20:02

Ignoring the sex issue for a moment & all the daft reverse straw man of 'but women can say no to sex, it's not fair', he's sulking because you're going out for two nights without him in social December. That's not ok.

RudeElf · 09/12/2015 20:03

I really struggle to understand some people on MN

Me too!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 09/12/2015 20:05

I think it depends if this sort of text conversation is a regular part of your relationship or not, if it isn't it's possible he just felt a bit embarrassed and responded awkwardly. If on the other hand he normally responds enthusiastically then yes, I'd be annoyed.

PushingThru · 09/12/2015 20:10

I think the struggling to understand other people on mumsnet is part of its strength though. A full range of insights & perspectives can only be helpful to people evaluating their dilemmas. No consensus is what makes this such a valuable place.

bobsalong · 09/12/2015 20:13

I always imagine the situation with the genders reversed. If it was a bloke sent this to his GF and that was her response, would you all say that she deserved to be dumped because she was sulking? Or would of you say "well of course she doesn't have to have sex if she doesn't want to" etc.

There seems to be a lot of this attitude on mumsnet, where if a man does something that's slightly out of a Prince Charming, mills and boon type character the immediate response should be to tell him to fuck off. It's quite depressing.

PushingThru · 09/12/2015 20:17

If a woman posted saying she's sulking because her boyfriend wanted to go out for two nights in a row, she'd be told she's being unreasonable.

PushingThru · 09/12/2015 20:18

These gender reversal scenarios never work because there's always a mumsnet contingent reversing the genders in every thread already.

Cabrinha · 09/12/2015 20:23

Do not date anyone who "huffs".

If you have been out a lot and he feels you're not putting enough into the relationship, he's allowed to say so.

Is that the case?
I expect not.
But if it is - he can say it in a perfectly normal way, without any huffs or sulks.

If you haven't been neglecting your relationship then seriously, just quit now. There are plenty of reasons to be about "we'll see" but we don't even need to get that far - it's bad enough that he's sulking over you going out.

That is a bad partner.

At the very least you need to slow this down. You haven't known him long and I remember your thread about moving in together and kids. Don't mix him up in your life until you've sorted out the sulky tosser behaviour.

Joysmum · 09/12/2015 21:02

It's not sex, it's sexting and they won't see each other for another 4 days!

Newsflash:- you can sext 4 days in advance and that doesn't mean you have to have sex.

The boyfriend is clearly in strop mode because she has a life and is shutting her down.

IrishDad79 · 09/12/2015 23:48

This is the gender reversal:

"My bf is heading out with his mates friday and saturday. I'm not going because he says it's just for the lads. I won't see him for the whole weekend. Then he sends me a text saying "looking forward to shagging you sunday night" like I had nothing better to do than sit at home waiting to be his fucking booty call. I was fuming but managed to restrain myself and texted back a non-committal "we'll see". WIBU to LTB?"

The guy would be eaten alive without salt here, and well you all know it.

SelfLoathing · 09/12/2015 23:54

Maybe his herpies has flared up .

Are these related to harpies?

(OP - context is everything here. As someone upthread said, he may be reading it as you are treating him as a booty call and is offended. On the other hand, he could be being passive aggressive controlling. Without full context it's impossible to judge. Don't be too quick to leap to a damning conclusion)

IrishDad79 · 10/12/2015 00:05

RudeElf
"Where does it say OP wants sex on tap?"

She texted him to say was looking forward to sex the next time they meet. This is a presumption of sex and a presumption of consent - and quite an arrogant presumption given she'd have practically ignored him the entire weekend. So yes, this implies to me that the op expects sex on tap without any regard for her bf's feelings on the matter.

IrishDad79 · 10/12/2015 00:06

RudeElf
"Where does it say OP wants sex on tap?"

She texted him to say was looking forward to sex the next time they meet. This is a presumption of sex and a presumption of consent - and quite an arrogant presumption given she'd have practically ignored him the entire weekend. So yes, this implies to me that the op expects sex on tap without any regard for her bf's feelings on the matter.

PushingThru · 10/12/2015 00:06

Nice try, Irish dad. You've written a fictional account of a situation that the OP hasn't alluded to at all. If a post of that nature, clearly unrelated to her post in any sense, was written by a woman she'd be destroyed by the great big 'Gender Reversal Meta Vortex', or just corrected by common sense.

PushingThru · 10/12/2015 00:16

& so what if the centre of gravity of mumsnet is skewed left towards believing & supporting women. I don't think it is, but if it was it would be a refreshing oasis from the world at large.

lavenderhoney · 10/12/2015 00:31

The ops date with her bf is Sunday, and she seems to have sent a happy text saying she is looking forward to seeing him and sex. He says "we"ll see"

So either he's being playful or doesn't want to. You'll find out-

If you arranged to see each other Sunday, because you're busy - that's fine- he could have said " can't see you til Sunday" etc or you did.

To my mind you're over thinking and I would text back a smile and leave it.

Tearsoffrustration · 10/12/2015 08:05

Thanks for all your perspectives,

I spoke to him last night and he apologised for the 'we'll see' text - just for context it was a continuation of msg conversation we were having the night before - we're still in the early stages where we have sex everytime we see each other

Onto the huffing- he rolled out the old 'I'm stressed' line - which is fine if it is a one off (ex was constantly stressed about everything and everyone) so time will tell!

OP posts:

TooSassy · 10/12/2015 08:11

LOL. There are a lot of very serious (grumpy) people on mnet at the moment.

My response would have simple. It would have made me rock up in some sort of skimpy outfit and seduce him. But then the guys I used to typically date would have sent that sort of message in a flirty / build up type of way. Which I would have followed up nicely on.

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Cabrinha · 10/12/2015 09:39

And that, TooSassy is why you have your username 😂
Snap though.
I have a new boyfriend and there's a lot of teasing.

I do think it's worth being serious about sulky types though - sulky is one of the least attractive traits a I think.

RudeElf · 10/12/2015 10:16

The more i read from irishdad the more i'm convinced he is running an entirely separate website in his head which he has decided is the "real" MN but somehow we're all hiding it from him

ChippyOikInTinsel · 10/12/2015 21:24

ignore irishdad's advice. He would prefer irish women stayed in miserable marriages so that we can present a low divorce rate to the world.

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